Cancer

Science is saying that cancer is a modern invention that our ancestors luckily didn’t have to deal with. Sort of like clamshell packaging. Except it wasn’t made by one person; it’s just horrible, deleterious thing that sometimes arises as part of modern life. So more like a liberal.

It’s good to remember there are always trade offs. We all like to think we’re better than those who came before us because all the things we know and the cool stuff we have, but that’s just because people are arrogant (well, not me; I’m too awesome for that). It’s not that simple, though. Yes, people in ancient days had to hunt for food and could easily starve and they didn’t have DVRs and were always missing their favorite shows. But they also didn’t have to worry about cancer. And they didn’t have these useless twits called liberals who thought they were smarter than everyone and tried to boss people around. Back then, it didn’t matter if a useless twit knew how to sound smart; if you were useless and annoying, a saber-tooth tiger would eat you. It was brutal system, but it worked.

So while we have all our modern conveniences, we also have cancer and liberals. Is it worth it? Well, the iPad certainly is.

19 Comments

  1. They didn’t have liberals. They wouldn’t have survived! So then liberals came along and so did cancer… I see a trend!!! I’m so f’n smart I should be written up in like the Harvard Medical Journal or something…

  2. No cancer? But they did have poxes, and I know it because they were always wishing them upon each other. We don’t have poxes now, so that’s good. Given the choice between going without an iPad and having a pox. I’d choose the no-pox option, but not by very much.

    Now, we have cancer instead of having poxes, but it’s not as cool to say, “Fie! A cancer upon you and your house.” On the other hand it is perfectly acceptable to say to liberals, “Fie! You are but a cancer upon our house.”

  3. You know what really sucks…I don’t have an IPad! I may have to remedy that situation tomorrow before my beloved Iowa Hawkeyes kick the Bajeebers out of the Michigan Wolverines!!! They will have to change their name to the Michigan Mice after we are done with them!!!

  4. And they didn’t have these useless twits called liberals who thought they were smarter than everyone and tried to boss people around.

    That’s, strictly speaking, true. They did, however, have useless twits called emperors and other things, who actually succeeded in bossing people around. It was sort of like Chicago, but with better weather.

  5. #12 – DesertElephant,
    So true!

    Mark 12:38-40
    As he taught, Jesus said, “watch out for the teachers of the law. They like to walk around in flowing robes and be greeted in the marketplaces, and have the most important seats in the synagogues and the places of honor at banquets. They devour widows’ houses and for a show make lengthy prayers. Such men will be punished most severely.”

    I did a word search of cancer in the Bible, (BibleGateway.com) no results.
    But I did get a few mentions of tumors.
    (Definitely ‘Old Testament, Wrath of God’ stuff.)

    Deuteronomy 28:27
    The LORD will afflict you with the boils of Egypt and with tumors, festering sores and the itch, from which you cannot be cured.

    (Here used as a warning to the Israelites).

    1 Samuel 5:6,9,12
    The LORD’s hand was heavy upon the people of Ashdod and its vicinity; he brought devastation upon them and afflicted them with tumors.

    But after they had moved it, the LORD’s hand was against that city, throwing it into a great panic. He afflicted the people of the city, both young and old, with an outbreak of tumors.

    Those who did not die were afflicted with tumors, and the outcry of the city went up to heaven.

    (Here describing what happened to the Philistines when they messed with the Ark of the Covenant – they got off easy, compared to what happened to them Nazis in that movie!)

  6. Nah,DesertElephant, the Pharasees were hard working guys,
    climbing the ladder of success- they had it leaning on the wrong tree, however.

    They considered study of the scriptures to be the highest form of worship, and excelled at it,
    but when the Author of the scriptures stood before them, they didn’t recognize Him.
    ~
    When 15 years old was middle aged,
    it’s no surprise that science! found fewer cancer deaths.

  7. Just a few questions on the article. 1) If there was no cancer how did the Greeks know there was benign and malignant tumors? You could drive a truck through that all by itself. 2) Where were the Egyptian samples coming from? Can you check for liver cancer if you have a sample from the bicep? 3) Since the body was preserved for the after life would the priest in charge of the mummification preserve the guys tumors so he could die painfully in the next life as well? Or would they throw it to the side so his afterlife would be more pleasant? 4) Since modern life created cancer and it created liberals does this mean we get cancer from liberals?

  8. #14 – Terry-Jim,
    you have a point there. At least one Pharisee ‘got it’. (Saul of Tarsus/Paul the apostle).
    Of course, Jesus had to smack him across the forehead with a 2 by 4 like a Missouri mule to get his attention (metaphorically speaking) on the road to Damascus, but he ended up writing about 2/3rds of the New Testament, so my apologies to the Pharisees.

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