What Obama Will Say

Democrats suffered a huge loss, but President Obama is going to speak on TV at 1pm today, so that should solve everything. Here is my speculation on what he’ll possibly say:

WHAT PRESIDENT OBAMA WILL PROBABLY SAY

“I would have gotten away with it too if it weren’t for you meddling Tea Partiers!”

“STOP YELLING AT ME!!!”

“I thought I made it clear I had no idea what I was doing from the start, so I don’t get why you’re all so angry now.”

“Yay! I did another historic thing!”

“I missed what happened can someone help get this bucket off my head?”

“I’m sad to hear that Harry Reid will be leaving us… What? He was reelected? Really?”

“Is it because I’m black?”

“I’m not giving you Republicans the keys to the car! And the ditch is mine too!”

“So if I’m understanding the Tea Parties, you’re saying you want even more health care reform.”

“I will now read you a list of people who will be going under the bus…”

“Did I do that?”

“I’m doing a good job and just need to spend more! Don’t any of you read Paul Krugman?”

“I enjoy flying in a helicopter. Thup thup thup thup!”

“I blame this all on Slurpees.”

22 Comments

  1. He will say what’s on his teleprompter for him to say, except that here and there he’ll add an impromptu “uh.” His teleprompter will likely tell him to say, “I’m gonna to take my toys and go home.”

    Watch for theatrics designed to elicit sympathy, such as his dog, family members, bucket, etc.

  2. How was it that none of us guessed he’d use the car in the ditch metaphor? Frank did score with the slurpees reference. There was an entire slurpee interlude.

    And none of us could possibly could have foreseen the hidden theme of his speech: Electric Cars. I kid you not. He mentioned electric cars at least 4-5 times during his speech and answerifying.

  3. He was such a sad, sad little boy. And he still doesn’t get it. I’m amazed he actually showed up at the press conference he originally scheduled to trumpet his successful campaigning efforts.

    Poor sad Baracky.

    Get thee to India, and don’t come back.

    What do you suppose Michelle is gonna wear? Yikes!!

  4. Thoughts on the Tea Party and RINOS

    The Tea Party was young and truly was made of a lot of newcomers. So, of course some choices were made both last minute and by inexperienced people. That wont be the situation next election. If it is then ill harasses them for it. Otherwise for their first showing I thought they did remarkably well.

    Thoughts on RINO’s

    In terms of future RINO attacks (which they are becoming an endangered species thanks to alot of hunting) I would prefer a typical far left democrat over a center left RINO who uses up campaign money but still causes republicans to take the blame for failures of leftwing policies.

    -I dont see losing a center right republican to be replaced by a far left democrat as a win and no coalition able to pass an agenda can succeed without them in some districts.

    -In cases of safe districts center right republicans should be replaced by more conservative standard-bearers who can win and rewin safely year after year since it takes 20-30 years to get on the most important committees and democrats have most of the long timers. So even when dems are hugely out of power they still control a lot of strings. We have been losing that battle a long time. I know turnover is invigorating but until their are term limits we need some dinosaurs to compete with the dems hug herd of fossils.

  5. Barack – “I’ve just spoken with the first lady…well…we didn’t really speak, I mean she did most of the talking…umm…she was rather unhappy with the results of the election and remember what Joy Behar called Sharon Angle? That’s what Michelle called me several times as I remember it. It was kind of a blur as I was ducking frying pans and knives. Anyway, Barack will be sleeping on the couch tonight with my favorite bankie! We are still planning the trip to India but I may have Michelle’s plane diverted to China…or…Somalia… Any questions?

  6. “Man, the people sure seemed to be mad at Pelosi. Wonder what she did to get them all riled up that way…”

    “Well, no matter, just as long as you’re all still on board with my agenda.”

  7. Or, how about:

    “The drubbing last night was my fault. I keep underestimating how dumb you people really are.”

    And…

    “Man, that was a rough election. Sure glad I wasn’t on the ballot.”

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