There really doesn’t seem to be a rhyme or reason to Obama. We have revolutions going on in the Middle East, Japan in complete crisis, and budget battles at home, so what does Obama do? Write an oped about gun control. Why? The public doesn’t care about gun control right now, and enough time has passed since the Arizona shooting that even the left isn’t talking about it. Obama keeps all his statements about gun control very moderate, but one has to wonder what’s his purpose in trying to create momentum in an issue people are fine with it being left alone.

Anyway, based on Obama’s actions, I’ve made a guide to his past and future solutions to big, real world problems:

OBAMAS SOLUTIONS TO HUGE PROBLEMS

High unemployment = Health care reform
Huge oil spill = Windmills
Record deficits = High speed rail
Earthquake hits Japan = Gun control
Terrorist attacks = Education reform
Deadly flu outbreak = Net neutrality
China gears up for war = More regulations on greenhouse emissions
Supervolcano under Yellowstone erupts = Better child nutrition standards
Nuclear attack = More funding for the arts
Alien invasion = Legalize gay marriage

Must be some complex thought process that leads from these problems to Obama’s solution. Or maybe he just doesn’t care or understand the problems going on and just wants to pursue the left-wing agenda he thought he was elected for. People have conspiracies about Obama not being born in America, but he sure doesn’t seem to live here now.

On the 19th of this month, the moon with be at its closest to the earth and be a full moon. This makes it… AN EXTREME SUPERMOON!

When this happens, the moon will gain extra moon superpowers other than its usual abilities to reflect sunlight and synchronize its revolution with its rotation. These powers include but are not limited to:

* Weather control
* Telepathy
* Telekinesis
* The power of flight
* The ability to shoot beams from its eyes (if it had eyes)
* The ability to talk to fish (though they won’t necessarily do what the moon tells them, and even if they do they’re still just fish)

This is a good time to remind people that the moon is a threat. Many people think the moon is our friend, but this is not true. The moon is not our friend. The moon never sends us birthday cards or gives us a ride to the airport. It will certainly not help us move. It’s no one’s friend but its own. And when it gets its extreme supermoon superpowers, it will try to figure out how to use them to destroy us. Because once earth is gone, it gets to be the 3rd planet from the sun and gets the pension that goes along with that.

Hmm… so what can we do to stop a threatening moon…

So Governor Walker went ahead and signed his union smashing bill. I don’t know why they didn’t just do that sooner.

REPUBLICANS: “We’re going to pass this bill.”

DEMOCRATS: “Oh yeah? We’ll just runaway!”

REPUBLICANS: “Cool. That means less whining as it happens.”

And I think the runaway Democrats are back, but no one really cares now. They’re pretty useless and inconsequential whatever state they’re in.

Isn’t it a big problem in our current system of government that these idiots have any say over spending our money? The fleebaggers ran away and went on vacation out of protest of not being able to bribe unions with our money; why do people like that get any access at all to our money? In Constitution 2.0 — the next Constitution we do — there has to be some strict limits on how much money these people can ever have to waste. And if they try to give all our money to education-blocking teachers unions, they will be hunted down by robots with laser eyes. The new Constitution will be in the future, BTW, and the future will have robots and lasers. And better government.

I have a new column up at Pajamas Media. It’s thought-provoking. Like you may not have a thought right now, but if you go read my column, you will be provoked into then having a thought. Maybe even two thoughts. Not three thoughts; it’s not that good.

New Crowder video:

So why are you a conservative? For me, when I was first exposed to conservative views as a kid, I had never seen that perspective before and it just made more logical sense. Plus, I just never really liked poor people.

When there are huge crises both foreign and domestic, we can count on Obama to not care about any of that and focus on some issue no one is really concerned about. This time: Bullying.

I thought we had all these great union teachers with all their benefits in charge of classrooms; shouldn’t they have watched our kids for us and ended bully years ago? I guess we just need to pay them more.

I think Obama’s main problem with bullying, though, is that it’s the only way to get him to do anything. Remember when we had to bully Obama into continuing the Bush tax cuts? And we had to bully him to making a statement supporting pro-democracy Iranian demonstrators? And then we had to bully him into not having civilian terrorist trials in New York City? Though it’s hard to imagine, without bullying Obama would be even worse.

So we must call on Republicans to bully Obama even more. Wedgies, purple nurples, Facebook harassment — whatever kids do these days. With enough psychological trauma, maybe we can keep Obama from being completely and utterly awful. Or we could cause him to snap and shoot everybody… but those are the risks.

So there’s supposed to be a “day of rage” planned for Saudi Arabia today. Do they really need a “day of rage” over in the Middle East — isn’t that just Tuesday for them? Here’s some possible more useful days for them:

* Day of Quiet Reflection
* Day of Hugs
* Day of Not Obsessing So Much About the Jews
* Day of Singing Kumbaya
* Day of Laughing and Smiling
* Day of Really Thinking About How Our Behavior and Attitudes Have Led to So Much Violence and Held Back Our Whole Region
* Day of Skipping
* Day of Kittens and Puppies
* Day of at Least Trying to Improve Things So that the Rest of the World Back in the Early 1900s Wouldn’t Look Down on Us as Backwards
* Day of Ice Cream

Then again, I guess the idea is for the rage to be directed at their corrupt leadership instead of the usual stupid things they’re raging about over there, so maybe it’s not so much there’s too little rage over there as they just need to find better targets for it.

On MSNBC, one of Wisconsin’s Runaway Democrats said that “this is our Pearl Harbor“.

My first thought was that it was actually more like that bunker in Berlin. Heck, I’ll bet there’s already a “Downfall” parody video somewhere on YouTube.

But then I realized he’s right. It is their Pearl Harbor.

Like the Japanese, they stormed in and caused a lot of damage, but in the end, they’re going to lose.

Right Wing News has a poll of conservative bloggers on who they like and dislike. Interestingly, Meghan McCain was the most disliked of the options. Never found her relevant enough to strongly dislike, though.

So Paul Krugman announced on his blog that he doesn’t read any contrary opinions. If you’ve ever seen Krugman’s columns, that’s pretty self-evident. They’re knee jerk partisan, intellectually incurious, and filled with easily refutable points and factual errors, and it would be hard to believe he’s ever ventured outside of an echo chamber to write like that.

As I said in a recent column, the left is basically the defenders of the status quo trying their best to keep us from fixing a broken system, and the last thing someone in that position wants to do is be exposed to a contrary opinion. The oddest part though is the arrogance. These are fringe leftists with no influence (even among the choir, Krugman has got to be getting pretty tiresome) telling everyone else they’re irrelevant? At what point do you stop dismissing him as a silly partisan and recognize this is actually a mental problem keeping some on the left from interacting with reality?

We could just ignore these people and move on without them, but that’s not very compassionate. They are incapable of understand why people on the right do things, so they’re going to be very scared and confused by what’s going to be coming. Think of a small child getting a shot; all he knows is that the doctor is hurting him. So it seems like we should do something to help these people understand. Or at least give them a lollipop afterwards.

Getting pretty tired of public sector unions. Basically they and the Democrats get together to bribe each other with our money. And now they’ve stormed the capitol in Wisconsin hoping to prevent the legislation trying to break them up.

Is that a democratic option we just didn’t know about? You invade a capitol and keep legislative action from happening? I guess it’s probably called something like a “mob veto”. So what would be an appropriate democratic response? Tear gas? Angry bees? Ninjas? That would be democracy in action — or action democracy.

Really, all we want is to finally cut the budget and break up these groups that basically exist to make sure the government is expensive and ineffective. And it is friggin’ hard. There are large swaths of people who think there is nothing more important than the government spending lots of money on them, and it is rather pathetic. But look at the factor of motivation here; we find these parasites annoying, but to cut them off is death to them. That’s why it seems unlikely that the average American who thinks we should cut the budget will be as motivated as the defenders of the status quo unless he feels his own way of life is really at stake from the system collapsing entirely. Don’t know how we get there. Sometimes I think we’ll just have to wait for the collapse and concentrate on making a better system next time so this doesn’t happen again.