If you’re wondering who is defending the weirdos at NPR and the strange idea they need federal funding, it’s Harry Reid! What weird, stupid thing is he saying now:

“The mean-spirited bill, H.R. 1, eliminates National Public Broadcasting. It eliminates the National Endowment of the Humanities, National Endowment of the Arts. These programs create jobs. The National Endowment of the Humanities is the reason we have in northern Nevada every January a cowboy poetry festival. Had that program not been around, the tens of thousands of people who come there every year would not exist.”

So is he saying without federal funds cowboy poetry won’t exist or that cowboy poets will die or that we’ll alter timeline by cutting federal funds and cowboy poets will cease to exist?

And what’s cowboy poetry?

Apparently, when we’re looking at our huge budget deficit, it’s just one of those things we can’t cut. The federal government can’t bear to go on without cowboy poetry. We’ll have to find something less essential than cowboy poetry to cut.

Oh wait, there nothing in the universe less essential than that… except maybe Harry Reid himself.

I have one last idea for spending: Build a giant catapult aimed at the ocean. Then we launch Harry Reid and all the other useless idiots spending out money on the most pointless things imaginable. It will quickly pay for itself.

Before I go on, I was thinking how this site is always just saying negative things about liberals. It’s always, “Look at these bad things liberals did!” but we never set time aside to point out something good they’ve done, like “Look at this nice macaroni painting the liberals did.” We really should look for more opportunities to do that.

Anyway, look at these bad things liberals did. Yeah, NPR’s vice president for fundraising was caught on tape bashing the Tea Party, nodding along to antisemitism, and saying NPR would be better off without federal funding (the worst no-no of all to NPR). Both he and the NPR CEO has now resigned; what fun.

I think we’re all aware that if you want to get the worst examples of bigotry, all you need to do is film a liberal when he thinks he’s only being heard by other liberals. Another group of hateful liberals is hardly remarkable except for the fact we’re forced to pay for them for some reason. And I never got what exactly is so special about NPR that it’s the one speech we’re forced to fund. It’s mainly a bunch of pretentious crap affluent white people listen to to feel smart. And that needs taxpayer funding why?

Actually, if we are going to use tax payer funding for programming and can’t stop for some reason despite the huge need for budget cuts, why don’t we at least use federal funds for some really cool programming you can’t get elsewhere. Here are some ideas:

IDEAS FOR FEDERALLY FUNDED SHOWS

* Golf on the Moon – Pretty self-explanatory: Send golf pros to compete on the moon. Can have spinoffs like Baseball on the Moon, Football on the Moon, and Soccer on the Sun.

* Brewster’s Billions – Game show in which a contestant has to spend a billion dollars without gaining any assets to win. Our Congress does this constantly, but can you?

* Through the Eyes of a Predator – Thanks to Predator drones, we’ll get to see behind the scenes of radical Muslims and get to learn about their problems, hopes, and dreams just before they’re incinerated with a hellfire missile.

* Undercover Obama – Barack Obama will disguise himself and go undercover in different jobs so we can see how completely useless and incompetent he is at other things than the presidency. At the end of the show, he’ll reveal his true identity to the people he worked with and raise their taxes.

* $10,000,000 Daily Giveaway – Film the surprise as each day $10 million is given to a random taxpayer. Seems expensive, but $3.65 billion is almost a rounding error in the budget these days.

And please use federal funds to bring back Firefly. You can take the money from school lunches or something; Michelle Obama says those fatties don’t need it.

Apparently there is a new game coming out about Nazis getting the dinosaur before the American military does. It’s a lot like Nazis getting the atomic bomb first, but a million times worse.

Luckily, we defeated those Nazis in real life and don’t have to worry about them, but there could be future Nazis. Nazis with jetpacks and laser guns. And do we want those Nazis getting the dinosaur before we do? It’s time to prioritize in this country; that means drastically cutting entitlements and putting a lot of that money into dinosaur research. That’s how you win the future.

Obama’s having trouble getting people to enter the contest to have him speak at their high school. Weird; I thought young people loved Obama. You know, because they’re stupid.

Still, maybe Obama could get more entries if there was more to win than hearing him give a speech for the millionth time. Here’s some ideas to offer the winning high school to sweeten the pot:

* Everyone gets a blank pardon.

* Get to play federal government for a day and given a billions dollars to spend like crazy.

* Exempted from Obamacare.

* Tests will now be graded on the same scale that gave Obama a B+.

* Everyone gets their picture with the president bowing to them.

* Obama will come dressed as Lady Gaga.

* Get to watch uncensored video of Biden trying to give an impromptu speech.

* Everyone gets to pick their own czar position.

* Exempt from ever listening to another Obama speech ever again.

Here’s Mary Katharine Ham on the left and their “new tone”:

The left keeps going on about “violent rhetoric” and what not, but of course they have little to say about their own crazed protests. You know I’m just getting tired of the left’s false concerns. “We’re worried about violence,” or “We’re worried about racism,” or “We’re worried about harsh rhetoric” — the left doesn’t legitimately care about any of that. Their concern about almost everything begins and ends with people disagreeing with them. It doesn’t matter how perfect and honest you’ve led your life; disagree with the left and they’ll find a reason you’re the worst person ever. And you could go around and ax murder people and the left will try to find some excuse for your behavior if you tout single payer health care.

The left really needs to learn to start embracing freedom of speech in spirit. If anytime you hear someone disagree with you and the first thing you think is, “How do I find a way to shut this person up?” then you’re not really getting it. If you can’t stand people disagreeing with you, this isn’t the country for you.

Apparently Obama golfs quite a lot; he just headed out on his 60th golf outing as president. So, with all the crises going on in the world, should Obama be out golfing?

Absolutely.

Scientists estimate that the Obama presidency would be 800% better if Obama spent it all golfing. Obamacare? Too busy golfing. Trillions in unnecessary spending? Unless he can spend trillions at the pro shop, not going to happen. Bowing dictators? Only if they beat him on the golf course.

So how do we get Obama to play more golf? Someone should say to him, “So what’s your plans for after the presidency? Have you thought of being a professional golfer?” And Obama would be like, “You think I could?” And we’d be like, “Sure, but you’d have to play every day.”

And then Obama would start missing all his meetings to play golf to make sure he has a future after the presidency. Every once in a while he’d be like, “Shouldn’t I look into some of the crises going on?” And we’d say, “No, that’s golfing loser talk! Work on your swing!”

Golf; it could save the country.

So what happens when you combine GM and the federal government? You get the Chevy Volt! It’s $41,000, making it way more expensive than the competition while not even getting better gas mileage. And it’s still being sold at a loss. But hey, you get a tax rebate if you buy one for some crazy reason. Still, Government Motors only sold 281 last month, so I thought I’d help out by trying to come up with a great slogan for it.

PROPOSED SLOGANS FOR THE CHEVY VOLT

“If you have friends push it around while making vroom vroom noises, it’s a lot like driving a car.”

“So frustrating to use it will make you do the greenest thing at all: Kill yourself.”

“Hopefully in being green it’s the thought that counts.”

“Get America out of unnecessary wars and into unnecessary cars!”

“The electric car that will make you want to defile Benjamin Franklin’s grave.”

“A great backup in case your kid’s Power Wheel gets a flat.”

“We don’t need to sell you on, because you’re already paying for it as a taxpayer.”

“Why pollute around you with exhaust when you can pollute far away with coal?”

“Are we winning the future yet?”

“Built by the government, so making fun of it is treason and punishable by death.”

“Sold at a loss… to everyone.”

“If you don’t buy one, don’t be surprised if you get audited.”

They keep doing it themselves and leaving me out in the cold. I feel so outsourced.

Union thugs trashed the Wisconsin Capitol building because the state planned to cut their pay.

The unions’ proposed solution: have volunteer workers clean it up.

i.e. have people work for the state and not get paid at all.

By the way, it’s not just “taking down a few posters”. There’s permanent marker to be removed, too.

Exit question: who the hell habitually carries a purple Sharpie with them?