Obama has religious faith that taxes will be raised? I’ve heard Muslim rumors about him, but never devil worshipper.
So is the root of all evil the Koch brothers or Grover Norquist? Liberalism isn’t nuanced enough to have two Satans at a time.
Deep fried turkeys are awesome, but you have about a 1 in 3 chance of burning down your house.
Question for debate: “Are deep fried turkeys worth the risk?” Anyone who answers no should be immediately escorted to Canada.
When weighing the risks of deep frying a turkey, remember that your house is insured.
“Sit down and close your eyes; I have a surprise for you. Now open them.” -cop about to pepper spray a protester
“Why did you pepper spray him?”
“Because he said, ‘Don’t taze me, bro!'”
I just can’t believe those protesters braved pepper spray for their cause of… what are they trying to achieve again?
It’s a shame what’s happened to the Republicans; Lincoln wouldn’t be elected by today’s GOP. Because he’s too racist.
Didn’t know there is children’s NyQuil. Slogan: “Shut them up so you can get some sleep.”
Interesting idea for Republican debate: Out on stage sits a hippie. Near him, a can of pepper spray. And then we see what happens.
Who is Ron Paul? Will someone from the internet tell me about Ron Paul?
I don’t know who I’d pick if I had a choice between Willard and Mitt.
My thought on Huntsman: How can a man fix this country if he can’t even control his own eyebrows?
My solution for the Patriot Act is to rename it something less Orwellian.
“I’m David Koch from the Koch Foundation. My question: Will you do my bidding?”
“We’ve taken out Al Qaeda and now need to take on the new threat, Ed Qaeda.”
What’s the difference between being a commander and being a chief?
Isn’t anyone going to point out the main problem with the Middle East: Too many Muslims! Like way more than we have here! Also, not enough Jews.
So are we ever going to have a Republican debate without the sideshows? When do people get voted off the island?
Did they test each audience member to make sure they’re real Republicans? Like make them pepper spray a hippie before they can come in?
“I will use any excuse whatsoever to attack Iran.”
Hermain Cain: “Well, if they don’t have nukes yet, can’t we just nuke them ourselves and get away with it or am I missing something?”
CW seems to be that Republicans sound dumb, Democrats are dumb.
We could intimidate Iran by making a new more powerful nuke: The Triple Nuke. Three nukes tied together.
Why don’t they just refer to Obama as “the useless twerp.” Is that not considered respectful or something?
As I said before, we need to send out letters to all five year olds informing them not to expect Social Security and Medicare.
Ron Paul: “And I will exile Coke and Pepsi to end the cola wars.”
Ron Paul: “Let’s face it: Kids love heroin.”
I’m a little biased on the deportation issue since my company manufactures the Mexi-cannon™.
Won’t anyone just come out and say, “I want a permanent underclass who will do my yard work cheaply”?
Magnets on the border sounds like part of some cruel new fence scheme by Herman Cain.
Here’s my compromise: Amnesty, but we get rid of all entitlements so we don’t have to worry about anyone costing us anything.
I’d drink a bottle of water labeled “Persian Spring” but not “Arab Spring”.
Wait, how did we defeat the Ottoman Empire? Can we use that on Iran?
Ron Paul plans to crash the moon into America in “Hide Country Under Giant Rock” strategy.
Ron Paul: “And when we invaded the moon, did we ever think about how we were inviting the wrath of the moon men?”
They really didn’t ask enough questions in the debate about up and coming political humor authors.
Children are so stupid. Buttercup uses the word “ball” for any sphere, whether it’s meant to be a ball or not. I really should have taught her “sphere” first so she’d embarrass me less.
Taught her the dog’s name is Rowdi, so she call all animals “Rowie”. With next kid, I’ll say of the dog, “This is a mammal.” Right now, she points at a koala and says, “Rowie!” Next will point and say, “Mammal!” and look like a genius.
Only teach babies general terms so they won’t misapply them. Don’t teach “square”, “circle”, “triangle”; teach “two dimensional object”.
Don’t teach “square”, “circle”, “triangle.” Teach your child that all geometric shapes are the same and she be treated equally.
“I’ve heard Muslim rumors about him, but never devil worshipper.”
Obama thanks his lord for his success.
“Deep fried turkeys are awesome, but you have about a 1 in 3 chance of burning down your house.”
Said chance is not equal for all. It is inversely proportional being near 1 for someone with an Obama voter I.Q. (around 70-80) or below, but decreases as I.Q. increases, approaching zero as I.Q. approaches 110.
Opps. My link in #2 doesn’t seem to work. Here it is again:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jqALdkTArqs
Teaching children to speak only leads to you having to listen to them or ignore them. Neither outcome is a good. Therefore, you really shouldn’t teach children to speak at all.
That goes double for female children.
Speaking of the Middle East, the good news is American troops will be out of Iraq by December of this year…Barak Obama. Speaking of the Middle East, the good news is Iranian troops will be in Iraq by December of this year…Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
Did Buttercup say “epsilon-ball” or just “ball”?
Random thought:
Now that Frnak has become Frank J. Flemming, best selling author, I find I no longer have the mental capacity to understand his humor. RON PAUL!!!11!!
So Newt wants to keep illegals here, why? Its really hard to find a gardener that you can pay in fake coins.
So does DHS want us to deep fry cows or pigs instead of turkeys? Frying turkeys are dangerous to national security you know.
Do we have to report turkeys that are frying one of the parasite Wall Streeters?
It would be an understatement to call today’s thoughts a target rich environment. Of course, that doesn’t imply I might hit anything.
We could rename the Patriot Act and call it RICO. They’re very much the same except that RICO allows us to confiscate property. Terrorists usually don’t have much property, so it’s a wash. Besides, terrorism is a form of racketeering, no? Come to think of it, conspiring to occupy Wall Street illegally is also a form of racketeering.
3 nukes bound together with zip ties? We could do better. The Ruskies built a 100 megaton bomb (a Trident II delivers 500 kiloton warheads). The Ruskie bomb created a mushroom cloud 40 miles high (that’s 7 Mount Everests or 6 Mexicannons). Interestingly, it was the cleanest nuke ever in terms of yield to fallout, so it’s environmentally friendly, just like a curley-cue lightbulb. It’d be a win-win all around.
“We’ve taken out Al Qaeda and now need to take on the new threat, Ed Qaeda.”
Naw, nobody watches his show anyway…or anyone else on MSNBC.
Fry your turkeys outside! Nature is more expendable than your house. Plus, if it snows, you get fireworks. Win-win.
I’m with Frank. We need a chief in chief.
Say what you will about Ron Paul, he is insanely consistent. It’s like his father taught him general terms for things as a baby and he just keeps applying them to every situation. *fly ducks*.
“The Triple Nuke. Three nukes tied together.”
Uhhh, Frank, we’re Americans. We thought of that decades ago. They’re called, “MIRVs.”
Frnack’s book pimping has produced a cornucopia of Random Thoughts.
Convince RON PAUL !!!111 to ru n fpr president of russia. the russkys could use some freedom, and the Paultard trolls would overwhelm the Russian internet so badly they can’t wage war.
Frank writes another book and his brain goes into high gear. Or is it the debate last night?
One thing is very clear to me about the Republicans: They’re all going to continue to PRINT MONEY. Even Herman Cain$$999$$9$$ And yes, even Ron Paul00000!00!
“Isn’t anyone going to point out the main problem with Middle East: Too many Muslims! Like way more than we have here! Also, not enough Jews.”
And over at CAIR headquarters, red lights flash and a klaxon bellows, “WHOOP . . . WHOOP . . . WHOOP . . .
Did you hear about the Russian news anchor who flipped Obama the bird?
Like this?
┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐
Nope. She only did one finger. I can do two, Obama! Yay!
To quote Homer: The sooner they learn to talk, the sooner they learn to talk back.
I don’t know who I’d pick if I had a choice between Willard and Mitt
I personally would prefer Willard, he has an army of rats that we could sic on the occutards.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0067991/
That’ll learn em and be darn funny.
Your “Mexi-cannon” is in direct competition to my Mexi-Catapult. I hate to say it though my technology is far more mature. After all we have a proven historical track record of flinging bodies over walls with siege engines. The most a cannon has done is serve as a form of entertainment by killing circus performers for the past 50 years; that’s peanuts compared to the catapult. Plus the border agents have a lot more fun making Monty Python jokes when they flip the launch lever, “Now go away or we shall taught you again for a second time!” *WHOOMPF*
“We could intimidate Iran by making a new more powerful nuke: The Triple Nuke. Three nukes tied together.”
Actually, we already have that. It’s called MIRVs: Multiple independently targetable reentry vehicles
It’s one of the ways we got around SALT during the cold war. “We can’t build any more missiles? Okay we’ll just put a bunch of nukes into one missile.”
Since I don’t have pepper spray, can I punch a hippie to prove I’m a Republican?
Be careful of Nyquil. Sometimes it has the opposite effect. My almost four year old, Captain Carnage, has adhd and it doesn’t affect him at all. My almost two year old, Lieutenant Laidback, is barely affected.
You’ve been busy, Tink! 😉
Indeed, Jimmy. But not too busy or we’d have three. 😉
Are you getting the same nasty rain we are?
Yeah, Tink, I’m wearing my high waders inside my house!
(Nah – but the ground goes squish-squish-squish when I walk on it. Almost splash-splash-splash. And my gardens are muck-muck-muck!)
We’re in the flood warning county but there’s no rivers or streams by us unless you count my front yard squishy with rain puddles.
Heh, Jimmy, I almost read that as you were wearing high heels inside your house. But that would be teh ghey. Hippie ghey.
Isn’t this guy Medved you’ve been talking to actually the President of Russia??
What’s the difference between being a commander and being a chief?
About five pay grades.