Archive of entries posted on May 2012

Link of the Day: How Not to Make a Campaign Ad

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Today’s Hope n’ Change Cartoon:

Ad to the Confusion

Also this, from the author’s commentary:

“The Obama campaign is attacking Romney’s virtues because they are “virtues”…with the expectation that these laudable qualities and traditional American values are abhorrent to those on the Left.”

Congratulations, Mr. President, you’re now officially an Ayn Rand villain:

Envy is regarded by most people as a petty, superficial emotion and, therefore, it serves as a semihuman cover for so inhuman an emotion that those who feel it seldom dare admit it even to themselves… That emotion is: hatred of the good for being the good.

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Comment of the Day: If Obama Ran a Lemonade Stand

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[High Praise! to Son of Bob]
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1) Government union workers construct the lemonade stand. Construction takes three years, and comes in at just over 2 million dollars… more than twice the projected amount.

2) Obama is not part of the union, so he can’t work in his own stand. AFL-CIO goons picket the stand before it opens and threaten people in the neighborhood.

3) DC police start including the stand in their daily patrols – not to protect anyone from the union goons but to close the stand down because they insist he gets food permits.

4) Environmentalists picket the unopened stand because it’s made of wood, and some cry for the trees that were cut down to supply the wood for the stand.

5) College students sit around the stand, while others attempt to set it on fire, as the stand represents “capitalism” and they plan to “Occupy” it.

6) Two years later, after Obama finally does the government-required studies and buys the required permits, and hires a union worker to serve the lemonade, the lemonade must sell for $100 per glass to make a profit.

7) Stand closes next day.

8) Obama learns nothing.
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UPDATE: Linked by YouViewed

Vial of Reagan’s Blood Purchased by Blogger to Create Clone Army

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LONDON (AP) – A Channel Islands auction house said that it has sold a vial allegedly containing a blood sample from Ronald Reagan to a right wing blogger in Idaho who claims he intends to use it to create “an unstoppable army of Reagan clones.”

Just some of the millions of Reagans who will soon battle tirelessly to defeat communism and punch hippies.

The blogger, known on the internet by the obviously fake name “Frank J”, said it was all part of his plan to “Keep America Awesome.”

“I’ve done a lot to serve my country in the past,” said Frank. “Mostly by having a brother who’s a Marine. But also by launching various intricate schemes to defeat those who would put limits on the awesomeness of this great nation. Not just degenerate foreigners, but other smelly things, like monkeys & hippies.”

“Unfortunately, my plans don’t always quite work as well as I hope,” Frank said. “Like my S.M.I.T.E. space laser platform that hit the Navy SEAL stealth helicopter instead of bin Laden’s dialysis machine. Or that incident with my “Dinosaurs With Rocket Launchers” plan, the debacle of which was chronicled in the documentary, ‘Jurassic Park.'”

Despite his previous “minor setbacks” the “crazy, but not dangerous” right-wing humor blogger insisted that his “Reagan Clone Army” idea was “foolproof.”

“I’ve spent a lot of time study the flaws of previous historical attempts to create clone armies,” said Frank, a look of grim determination crossing his face. “I’ve eliminated all possible obstacles to success. There will be no CGI hairless rabbits with Jamaican accents, no shadowy Senators who enjoy cross-dressing in hooded bathrobes, and most importantly, the thermal exhaust ports on my planet-destroying space stations will all be smaller than womp rats.”
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Ace IMAO Reporter silaS marreD [High Praise!] contributed to this story.

Nuke the News: Do We Like Obama or Capitalism More?

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* Obama won the Arkansas primary! 58% to 42%, which would be a really good margin if he weren’t an incumbent running unopposed. But what does Obama care as he is unlikely to win the Arkansas electoral votes anyway and has a strategy of complete abandonment of anyone who doesn’t help his election prospects. They can just go cling to their guns and religion as he has white college kids to act all evolved in front of.

* More Democrats are coming out in favor of Bain. I think the problem with Obama’s Bain attacks is he hasn’t really distinguished them from attacks on capitalism in general, and this country doesn’t want some capitalism-attacking Commie. Capitalism is why we have all our cool awesome stuff. If we have to choose between an iPad and oBama, it’s pretty easy to say which one is cooler and more useful.

I think Obama is just all confused and scared about capitalism because he’s never had an actual job and had to participate in the economy before. Maybe he should try running a lemonade stand on the sidewalk in front of the White House. He could learn a few good lessons.

* Union thugs put up an effigy of Nikki Haley and pummeled it. Normally, if white people were violent towards an effigy of a minority, that would be big national news, but you have to get the political parties in the right order for that.

But I’m sure the union thugs had smart reasons for what they were doing. They did release the statement, “Me no like! Smashee smashee!” Ah, unions, they’re totally going to have a big comeback.

* Arizona has accepted Obama’s birth records, so now Obama can visit Arizona without being deported to Kenya. If he has his ID.

* A record low number of people now identify with the Orwellian “pro-choice” label. That’s probably from Buttercup making babies so popular again.

* A vial of Ronald Reagan’s blood is up for auction. It’s expected to go for a high value since rumor has it that if it were sprayed on Obama, he would melt like the Wicked Witch of the West.

There was almost also going to be an auction for a vial of Jimmy Carter’s blood, but auction houses don’t accept merchandise from rabbits.

* I want these:

I certainly know with which unicorn Ronald Reagan’s blood would side with.

Random Thoughts: Gay Superheroes

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DC Comics announces that one of their superheroes is coming out of the closet. Aquaman will now start every comic shouting, “It’s not me!”

The DC superhero who is coming out of the closet is Black Lightning who will change his name to Gay Black Lightning.

Shouldn’t it be news that some of the guys who hang out in colorful tights aren’t gay?

Elizabeth Warren is 1/32 gay superhero.

That vial of Ronald Reagan’s blood sounds like a good start to a superhero origin story.

Maybe all of Darkseid’s aggression is because he won’t come out of the closet.

Just got a Marvel newsletter mentioning they’re having a gay X-Men marriage. Competition!

If someone is both gay and an X-Men, that really confuses the metaphor.

The Perfect Metaphor: How Democrats Imagine a New Government Program Will Work

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Democrats see a problem, and their immediate solution is a new government program, staffed by government bureaucrats, funded by taxpayer dollars. In their heads, they think that solving a delicate problem with a crude and powerful tool will result in something like this:


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #1,760,952)

But after running for a year and coming in billions of dollars over budget, the reality is inevitably more like this:

It never works. It always fails. They’re always surprised. They never learn. And yet they never stop coming back for more.

Link of the Day: Ironically, Union of Nations That Includes Germany Bungles Propaganda Video

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Blog of the Nightfly summarizes perfectly:

It’s Europe, you see, that celebrates multicultural values and welcomes all.

Well, unless they’re in propaganda videos. There, the nice white lady is menaced by ethnic folks practicing the martial arts customs of their own cultures.

First, watch the video:


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #360,083)

Now go read Nightfly’s analysis. It’s spot-on.

lolterizt! Part 158

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This week terrorists, next week That One. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.


[reference link]


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[source]


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From Hunter:

[reference link]

From Kris:

From Kris:

[reference link]

From Kris:

From Kris:

My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From Arik:

From T-Dog:

From Kris:

[ref 1,ref 2]

From me (Harvey):

Bonus link from Kris: Mohammed brand condoms (NSFW)

This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:

I’m calling it a tie between Hunter picking out one riff from an entire MST3K episode, and Kris for recalling the Crazy Cal Worthington commercials.

What say you?

PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolterizt! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

HAT TIP: Brian of Snapped Shot‘s magnificent EvilFeed – the world’s best source for ripe-for-captioning terrorist photos.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

Nuke the News: Can’t Defend Capitalism or Criticize the President

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* This whole Cory Booker thing is pretty funny. All he does is say, “You know, maybe capitalism isn’t such a bad thing,” and Obama screams, “How dare he! Bring me his head!” and then Obama’s campaign forces hunted down Booker and made him confess his crimes on video.

There’s not a lot of wiggle room for viewpoints in the Democrat Party right now how Obama had done a horrible job on the economy and needs to keep this laser-like focus against Romney’s record in business. But does the attack even make much sense? Let’s say you buy their argument that Romney is a vulture capitalist, what does that mean he’ll do as president? Sell off all the country’s assets? The point is whether Romney was a good or evil businessman, he at least has some experience of how the economy works which is way more than Obama can claim. You can’t be worse than Obama on jobs even if you tried really hard.

* A teacher in North Carolina told her students that they can’t criticize the president. I hope that’s not true; now the unemployed will have even less to do all day.

* Colin Powell hasn’t decide yet whether he’s going to endorse Obama again. It doesn’t make me feel good that our military was once under the leadership of a man who couldn’t easily identify a useless twit as a useless twit, and he really should have at least made a strategic withdrawal from his support of Obama years ago. Still, if he wants back in the Republican Party, he better apologize to all of us. And buy us candy.

* Here’s a neuroscientist tearing apart the liberals’ recent pseudoscience on conservative versus liberal brains. Liberals are really insecure about how poorly their arguments fair in the public, so they’re constantly turning to “science” to prove they’re right which just shows their lack of understanding of the concept. Sorry, we’re not going to mix two chemicals in a beaker and see what color it changes to to solve any political arguments. That’s done through punching hippies.

* SpaceX launched a Falcon 9 rocket that could be the first commercial craft to dock with the International Space Station. So perhaps we’re finally embarking on the commercialization of space. Some night soon, we’ll look up to skies and, instead of seeing stars, see lots of space billboards. Hey, it’s not going to be pretty if we finally want to get some movement in space exploration. But if we keep investing, we’ll finally get our ultra-libertarian Mars colony. Yeah, have fun dealing with your crushing debt alone, earthlings!

* A major DC comics character is going to come out of the closet. Every Aquaman comic to begin with Aquaman turning to the readers and yelling, “It’s not me! Stop asking!”

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UPDATE: Linked by I’m a Man! I’m 41!