Lots & lots of exciting activity, but in the end, not a damn thing accomplished.
[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #1,047,367)
Alternate titles for this post:
“I don’t care how nerdy it makes me, I think these are awesome!”
and
“Go amuse yourself, cat.”
Two major points:
1. ‘Not a damn thing accomplished’ – except various machines playing with your balls.
2. You gotta have balls of steel to play those machines.
Okay, with crassness out of the way, they’re nicely crafted “what happens next machines” for the coffee table. The one at 5:30 is “pure logic.”
Government probably wouldn’t allow the marble machine to be built. That wood has to come from trees, and cutting down trees to make this product is evil and may hurt endangered species. So, the Justice Department will most likely raid the manufacturing facility where the marble machine is created to seize the wood and determine its origin. The disposal of raw materials used to make those metal marbles could be a factor, as well. Again, government officials will have to inspect the plant and determine if any possible excess materials are being disposed of improperly. Next, we’ll move onto whether or not the person assembling the machine belongs to a union, as well as how many hours they work, and if they are receiving proper health insurance coverage. In addition, the facility should be completely handicap-accessible and have restrooms that contain the proper accessories for not only male and female employees (a couch may be necessary), but also for transgender employees or visitors. All electric cables, etc. should be routed in a way consistent with OSHA regulations. If not, fines will be levied and your business license may be revoked. In addition, management should take time to fill out all government forms, abide by all other government regulations, pay for various licensing, endure random audits, prepare numerous forms with the help of a paid CPA to cover all the various taxes and fees, and then endure frivolous lawsuits when, for example, someone’s five year old hurts his finger while using the marble machine as a hammer. Of course, if you’re a large donor to the DNC or Obama campaign, none of this applies and you are most likely eligible for a government grant.
These things do more work in 5 minutes than your average Obama voter has in 5 generations.
I’m not sure these devices are a good metaphor for stimulus programs because…while it’s true they accomplish nothing. They are entertaining…and they didn’t cost the taxpayers billions of dollars. At least not to our knowledge.
The one with the catapult was pretty cool.
That Had to involve a lot of tweaking to get just right.
.That annoying whining and whirring? Campaign speech no doubt.
One of the related videos that comes up after is an even better metaphor.
Shredding machine promotional video
It takes your useful property and money, and shreds it into useless.
It just keeps consuming more and more.
It is fed by giggling morons.
It keeps getting bigger.