Straight Line of the Day: Caffeine Withdrawal Has Been Classified as a Mental Disorder. Next to Be So Classified…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Caffeine withdrawal has been classified as a mental disorder. Next to be so classified…

67 Comments

  1. Caffeine withdrawal has been classified as a mental disorder. Next to be so classified…

    …agreeing with Carpenter.

    …disagreeing with Carpenter.

    …the pain of psoriasis.

    …headaches.

    …anything that will disqualify an American Citizen from legally owning a gun of any kind.

  2. Reading conservative blogs.

    Posting on conservative blogs.

    Posting posts about bacon on conservative blogs.

    Posting posts about bacon withdrawal on conservative blogs.

    Posting posts about bacon withdrawal on conservative blogs while eating bacon.

  3. …withdrawal of money from your bank for the purpose of spending it.

    …Obama worship withdrawal.

    …not worshiping Obama in the first place.

    …guardedly speaking and politely exchanging ideas on the phone and the internet. Also included would be public discourse and private conversations. And thought crimes you crazy racist traitor.

  4. . . . early withdrawal from certificates of deposit

    . . . beer withdrawal (not a worry in my case – they’ll take my beer away when they pry it from my cold, dead hands!)

    . . . withdrawal of support for any of emperor Obama’s programs

  5. Caffeine withdrawal has been classified as a mental disorder. Next to be so classified…

    …the rhythm method.

    …hangnails.

    …reading the DSM-IV

    …the need to classify things.

  6. Caffeine withdrawal has been classified as a mental disorder. Next to be so classified…

    …speaking Klingon.

    …bad William Shatner impersonations.

    …being William Shatner.

    …spending more than 30 minutes arguing which is better, Star Trek or Star Wars, and using the first 29 and a half minutes defining which “Star Trek”.

  7. …Racism!

    …desire for privacy

    …gun ownership, which will be convenient since mental disorders automatically disqualify you from owning guns.

    …distrust of government

    …thinking you built “that’

  8. Caffeine withdrawal has been classified as a mental disorder. Next to be so classified…

    …any refutation of libertarianism that involves libertarians that no libertarian ever heard of.

  9. Caffeine withdrawal has been classified as a mental disorder. Next to be so classified…

    …being had at “Hello”.

    …spending 20 years listening to a preacher and not hearing a single word he said.

  10. Caffeine withdrawal has been classified as a mental disorder. Next to be so classified…

    …I’ve listened to preachers,
    I’ve listened to fools
    I’ve watched all the dropouts
    Who make their own rules
    One person conditioned to rule and control
    The media sells it and you live the role.

  11. Caffeine withdrawal has been classified as a mental disorder. Next to be so classified…

    …is that tingle you get in your leg when a certain President walks by, I’M LOOKING AT YOU CHRIS MATTHEWS!

  12. Caffeine withdrawal has been classified as a mental disorder. Next to be so classified…

    …will be divulged to you when you are old enough to understand.

    …is neither a withdrawal, nor an addiction. The APA is going to really surprise ya!

  13. Caffeine withdrawal has been classified as a mental disorder. Next to be so classified…

    …Frotteurism, oh wait, that’s already in… Let’s see maybe… Transvestic fetishism? Nope already in…Parasomnias? Nope, in…Sh!t, you got me, I don’t know.

  14. …dancing while white.

    …thinking your vote mattered and you’re crazy if you think it won’t go unpunished.

    …two parent households, houses for your parents, parenting the non-transgendered and negating all approved aspects of sanity by watching Fox News.

    …conservative women and all men except minorities and liberal-guy-type-useful-idiots.

  15. Straight Line of the Day: Caffeine Withdrawal Has Been Classified as a Mental Disorder. Next to Be So Classified…

    … is the mindset of people who take jobs that involve classifying mental disorders.

  16. …defending Obama without spittle flying or an inordinate lack of invective.

    …not preparing for immediate relocation to Canada, though this might just be classified as crazy-stupid and not stupid-crazy.

  17. Caffeine Withdrawal Has Been Classified as a Mental Disorder. Next to Be So Classified…

    …being hungry or thirsty

    …heterosexuality

    …capitalism

    …TYPING IN ALL CAPS

    …posting comments on “Straight Line Of The Day”

  18. …insisting that your hovercraft be full of eels.

    …having an obsession with cookies

    …believing in some ancient mythical document called “The Constitution”

    …wanting more than 16 oz. of a sweet beverage

    …believing that you can do a better job of raising your kids than “the collective”

  19. …believing the government is spying on you. But don’t worry, the NSA has already diagnosed you and your drinking water is being ‘medicated’ as we speak.
    Also, believing the government is spiking your drinking water.

  20. Caffeine Withdrawal Has Been Classified as a Mental Disorder. Next to Be So Classified……will be……

    Salt! (wait, ………nevermind – it’s already classified).

    Tobacco! (wait, ………nevermind – it’s already classified).

    Butter! (wait, ………nevermind – it’s already classified).

    Meat! (wait, ………nevermind – it’s already classified).

    Big Gulps! (wait, ………nevermind – it’s already classified).

    Liquor! (wait, ………nevermind – it’s already classified).

    Who cares? Classify me as not having a Mental Disorder since I haven’t withdrawn from any of the above.

  21. ** …talking to your cats, and knowing, just knowing, they understand you…………..

    **….thinking that all the other drivers out there, have the same attitude toward their fellow man as you do…..

    **….hoping that someday it will all work out, and we can all be just like The Jetsons. I have my future wardrobe all put away in my other closet……

    **….that Chocolate Malts are really health food, and more is geometrically better.

  22. Pingback: IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged!

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