I grow weary of not receiving protected class status, so something has got to change. I think it is high time we updated the American’s with Disabilities Act. The act didn’t do much to make the world comply with the needs of overweight people. We need to do more to make things obese-friendly and accessible. I expect some special treatment too. For example, we need to mandate that the world be fixed to accommodate inequities such as these:
- When you are overweight, there are no seesaws, only catapults.
- When you are overweight, there are no hula hoops, only belts.
- When you are overweight, there are no bikes, only mobile Judas Chairs.
- When you are overweight, there are no yoga pants, only sausage casings.
- When you are overweight, there are no 5K runs, only death marches.
- When you are overweight, there are no turnstiles, only bear traps, inescapable bear traps.
- When you are overweight, there are no single serving bags of microwave popcorn, only single serving cases of microwave popcorn.
- When you are overweight, there are no trampolines, only collapsible death machines.
Help me make a list of all the other things the government needs to mandate that we redesign to accommodate those of us disabled by our girth. For one, I think the government should provide me with a trained house midget to pick up anything I may have dropped or to generally deal with anything I might not be able to see in that hazardous blind spot below my waistline.
* When you’re overweight, there’s no dessert. But there ARE unlimited, kiss up snack cookies from Miss Anony! Mmmmm.
And I should add, Lactose, that I’m only slightly overweight.
Women call them “love handles.”
But they’re more like “Miss Anony’s cookie storage pouches.”
When you are overweight you can’t see your feet so you never know what you’re standing in.
I prefer to be called “under tall” rather than “overweight”.
Thus the government should have to provide you with a taxpayer funded assistant to tell you what you’re standing in. If the government can’t or won’t do this then it is an obvious act of discrimination directed at the obese community and calls for immediate whining, sniveling, protests and marches. Well, that is if you could march, which you can’t, thus the government should provide you with a taxpayer funded assistant to march for you.
You need kids. They’d drive you crazy. Then since crazy is protected in this country you’d be good to go.
When you are your own horizon you are not just overweight, you are Chris Christie, and being Chris Christie means it’s too late to diet your way from also being a fat head.
Good to see you, Lactose! We’ve missed you. Hula hoop belt and all. 😛
@1 and 2 Jimmy, sweetheart, ya know you only get kiss up cookies when you actually kiss up to me…I haven’t awarded any in DAYS…. hint hint… 😛
They need to provide you with Union Shoe Lace Tie-ers.
Monthly packages of Pam for Pants (to help us slide into them) to be covered by Medicare part D….