[High Praise! to my blogless brother Roy for sending me this]
_______________

Many people are completely unaware of a dangerous substance sitting on their pantry shelves. It’s commonly known by its street name: “bread.”

Facts About Bread

* More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread eaters.

* Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

* Newborn babies can choke on bread.

* Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

* In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever and influenza ravaged whole nations.

* More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.

* Bread is made from a substance called “dough.” It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!

* Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low occurrence of cancer, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s disease and osteoporosis.

* Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

* Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

Take Action Now!

In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread restrictions:

* No sale of bread to minors.

* No advertising of bread within 1000 feet of a school.

* A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.

* No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.

* Limits on the sale of large amounts of bread, no use of bread in public places such as restaurants and sandwich shops.

* Eventually, a total ban on the production, sale and use of bread.

Join the fight to combat this dangerous substance. Write your representatives today!
_______________

A new Sunny video:

Hagel and Kerry have really been a dream team of foreign policy, haven’t they?

People are always saying to me, “Frank, why do you keep writing about politics? I don’t care about politics. Can you write about something else?”

I don’t know who these people are; they’re always gone by the time I turn around. In fact, it might just be voices in my head. But anyway, I’ve always loved animals ever since I was a kid. Well, I loved them as a kid and I’m kinda eh about them now, but I know a few little-known fun facts about animals to share with you. Well, they might be fun; I’m not really sure. If they’re not fun, hey I’m sorry. The voices told me to write this post.

FUN ANIMAL FACTS

* If you roll an alligator on its back, it will be unable to right itself. Try it. It only works with really big ones.

* Polar bears are only naturally white when young, as eventually their furs turns brown as they get older. Thus Eskimos bleach adult polar bears so they’ll meet tourist expectations.

* The eagle is the only bird legally able to rent a car.

* No matter how much it begs, no matter how much it cries, never loan a sloth money.

* It’s not true that honey badgers don’t care about anything, something you’ll find out if you mention the Fed in front of one.

* Lions used to be one of the most prosperous species, living on all continents and dominating the food chain. But that was like a thousand years ago and now they’re just violent militants.

* Little is known about the deep-sea dwelling giant squid other than that it is deathly afraid of clowns.

* Despite its duck-like appearance, the platypus, much like Adolph Hitler, is a mammal.

* The turtle’s shell was an evolutionary adaptation allowing a turtle to get free food at parties while still being a severe introvert.

* The chimpanzee is the smartest animal other than human, but it’s not like it’s going to develop a cure for cancer or anything so who cares?

* The main difference between a wolf and a domesticated dog is how easily is can recognize that Beggin’ Strips aren’t real bacon.

* The penguins, being a bird that can’t fly, are extremely bitter and angry.

* Scientist still don’t understand how a snake moves without any limbs. Then again, they haven’t really studied it because then they’d have to touch snakes.

* The extra ‘l’ in llama is for savings.

* Leave a lizard in water too long and it will become a salamander.

* There’s only one known poisonous bird. His name is Jeremy. Keep an eye out for him.