[High Praise! to Very Demotivational]
Archive of entries posted on 22nd August 2013
Worst Business Plan Ever
A California state Senator wants to require a permit to buy ammunition. His reasoning?:
“If you get out of Men’s Central Jail, or let’s say Pelican Bay or San Quentin prison, you can walk into any gun store in California and you can load up a U-Haul truck, fill it up with ammunition, you can drive to South Central Los Angeles… and sell all the ammunition you want on the black market.”
1) Buy legal products at retail and price them at a huge mark-up.
2) ???
3) Huge black market profits!
By the way, since a “black market” involves “trading goods or services illegally” and bullets aren’t illegal to buy, sell, or own, is “black market” some kind of racist dog-whistle code-word here?
Wheels of Justice: What’s That Grinding Noise?
The New Mexico Supreme Court ruled that citizens who don’t speak English have the right to serve on juries.
And you have a right to drive your car without oil in it. Doesn’t mean it’s a good way to run it.
Did You Know There’s an Actual American Creed?
[High Praise! to Freedom Is Just Another Word]
The American’s Creed was developed by William Ty ler Page, clerk of the United States House of Representatives in 1917, in answer to a national contest for such a creed. He incorporated in a brief, clear statement the basic American traditions and ideals, as expressed by the founders of our country and by its leading statesmen and writers.
Footnotes & commentary on the Creed can be found here (PDF file).
Link of the Day: Satire – NSA Director Announces Purchase Of All Four Major Cell Phone Companies
[High Praise! to The Duffel Blog]
NSA Director Announces Purchase Of All Four Major Cell Phone Companies
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
Wisdom of the Day: Smart Nirvana Dowd Racist
It's really hard to address someone named Mr. Smart Guy without sounding sarcastic.
— Matt Roller (@rolldiggity) August 21, 2013
I'm a big fan of Nirvana *catches shotgun from offscreen* but there's nothing "Welcome to the jungle" about suicide by gunshot wound
— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) August 21, 2013
Not Reading Maureen Dowd is the Thinking Man's Not Reading Kathleen Parker.
— The_One_Who_Brings (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 21, 2013
dear @algore: if I can buy carbon credits so I can pollute, can I buy racism credits so I can be racist?
— Greg Pollowitz (@GPollowitz) August 21, 2013
He’s Very Smart, So It Must Be Something Profound
A new study shows that the brain is active when a person is having a near-death experiences.
Still unknown: what’s happening in Obama’s brain while the economy is having one.
Obama Warned Us – Family
Of all the rocks upon which we build our lives, we are reminded today that family is the most important.
BARACK OBAMA, speech, Jun. 15, 2008
“And I plan to crush that rock into gravel.”
You’ve Been Judged!
Anonymiss of Nuking Politics picked her favorite punchlines to “HHS Is Offering Cash Prizes for the Best Pro-Obamacare Video. The Winning Video…”
Click here to see if you made the cut.
If you did, you should probably email Keln about becoming a guest blogger there.
If you didn’t, Anonymiss has got another straight line for you to practice on.
Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.
Why Does the Government Get to Know Anything About Us
Some liberals are trying to make a big deal about how the NRA is good at making a database of who has guns for its mailing list like it’s hypocritical about gun registries. Of course, it’s a big difference when some private entity knows information about you versus the government which likes to think it can wield power over you. I don’t want the government to know what guns I have or even if I have any (well, of course I have guns; I’m an American), because who knows what it will do with that information. Actually, in a more perfect world, I’d want the government to have pretty no information on me. I fund the government — not the other way around — so while I should know every detail of its budget, there’s no reason it should even know my income. Or where I live. Or even my last name. A government completely in the dark about its fellow citizens is one that will have a lot of trouble oppressing them.
A little late now, though. Maybe a good principle to write into the next Constitution.
Chemical Weapons in Syria? Unpossible!
My man in State is reporting to me again. John Kerry has been reporting for duty on the Syrian chemical weapons situation. He has concluded that he trusts the Syrian government and agrees that chemical weapons were not used there. He is leaning toward some of the following facts in his reasoning.
- They weren’t chemical, duh, they were biological.
- Oh, they aren’t dead. They just swooned because there was an internet rumor that Beiber would be touring here.
- It wasn’t Syria who used the weapons. It was the Jews and their new biological weapon the Flatulence of Doom. They smuggled it in as innocuous sticks of sugar-free gum which were distributed to unwitting school children to release to the world.
- It’s just another Pallywood, ‘wag the dog’ production. They are all just actors pretending to be injured and dead.
- It was just the aftermath of a Rosie O’Donnell speech. Oh the humanity! And this is exactly why we want the broads in burkas.
- What do you expect? Syria just ended its ‘Stop and Frisk’ policy.
- Baghdad Bob says there are no chemical weapons in Syria.
- This happens every year at Falafel Fest. They will be fine once the cloud of methane dissipates.
- This is just what happens when communities aren’t properly organized.
- It is impossible that there were chemical weapons used. Syria is a chemical-weapon-free zone.
Cross posted at nukingpolitics.com
Straight Line of the Day: The Most Interesting Feature of the New Surveillance System Being Tested by the Department of Homeland Security…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
The most interesting feature of the new surveillance system being tested by the Department of Homeland Security…
We Need to Stop Victimizing Filner and Weiner
In my new column for PJ Media, I argue we should stop victimizing Filner and Weiner with our unreasonable standards.
Guessing about politicians’ personal lives based on their work performance, I’ve always just assumed there are three or four serial killers in Congress. You don’t get to $16 trillion in debt unless you have a few people involved who think it’s okay to butcher people for pleasure — that just seems like common sense. And I thought we were okay with this. But looking at the public’s recent reactions to these two politicians, I now get the sense that if a murdered prostitute were found in a senator’s car, people would be all upset by that. And Harry Reid would probably be just as confused as Filner and Weiner are now as to why we’d then want him out of office.
Read. Discuss. Like on Facebook.
The Oreo Scandal
Fox News reports that Double Stuf Oreos don’t have double the Stuf inside.
I’m shocked. I’m stunned. I’m in denial. And, I’m kinda hungry for an Oreo.
We used to make double stuff Oreos when I was a child. Note that I said “double stuff” and not “Double Stuf.” There’s a reason for that. We’d take the Oreo cookies apart — a little gentle-yet-firm twist — and, if we did it right, one side had all the stuff on it, while the other side was mostly clean cooke. Then, we’d do it again with another Oreo cookie. We then had two halves with stuff on them, and two plain chocolate cookies. We’d take the two halves that had all the stuff on them and put them together to get double stuff Oreos.
Now, if the separation went wrong, you couldn’t use that Oreo. You had to eat it. I mean, they’re Oreos. They can’t go to waste (although, these days, they do go to waist … and hips … and belly). Eating a regular Oreo was punishment for not getting it right. Which isn’t a bad punishment, but it’s not the reward of eating an Oreo with double the stuff inside.
We tried this with Hydrox cookies, too, but I don’t remember how well that went. We preferred Oreo to Hydrox, even though Oreo was a knock-off of Hydrox. Really. Betcha though it was the other way around, didn’t you. Well, now you know better, and are smarter for it.
Anyway, about the double stuff … stuff. In 1974, Nabisco finally caught up with the rest of us and introduced Double Stuf Oreo cookies. They left out an “f” in the name, in case you didn’t notice. Was that a subtle hint that Double Stuf wasn’t actually double the stuff?
Well, fast-forward to 2013 and a classroom in Queensbury, NY. Dan Anderson, a math teacher as Queensbury High, had his class perform experiments to see if there was really double the stuff inside the Double Stuf Oreos. They concluded that they contain 1.86 times the stuff, not double.
A spokeswoman for Oreo says “I can confirm for you that our recipe for the Oreo Double Stuf Cookie has double the Stuf, or creme filling, when compared with our base, or original Oreo cookie.”
Who to believe?
The joy I felt in 1974 when Double Stuf was released is now called into question. Were we lied to?
Or, did the math class get it wrong?
Let’s look at their methodology. They weighed 10 regular Oreos. They weighed 20 plain cookies from the Oreos. They weighed 10 Double Stuf Oreos.
They took the weight of the 10 Oreos, subtracted the weight of the 20 plain cookies, and got the weight of the stuff.
Then, they took the weight of the 10 Double Stuff Oreos, subtracted the weight of the 20 plain cookies, and got the weight of the stuff.
And that’s how they determined the Double Stuf was actually the One-Point-Eight-Six Stuf.
But, is the experiment valid?
Ever took an Oreo apart? Hard to get all of the stuff off, isn’t it. The flat side of an Oreo cooke isn’t smooth. If it was, the stuff wouldn’t stick. That’s Science! The cookie is rough (slightly, but enough) so the creme filling will stick. If they don’t get it all out, that makes the weight a little bit off, skewing the results slightly.
What about crumbs? Ever eat a whole bag of Oreos? Ever look in the bag after the last Oreo has been devoured? Know what you’ll find? Crumbs. If the 10 Double Stuff Oreos had more cookie missing (more crumbs) than the 10 regular Oeos, that’ll skew the results slightly.
Yeah, maybe I’m grasping at straws here, trying to keep one part of my childhood fantasy alive: that Oreos were good and wonderful things that would never lie to us.
There’s only one way to get to the bottom of this. We’re going to have to repeat the experiment. Many times, possibly. And, of course, eat the Oreos when we’re done.
This isn’t a job for Mythbusters. It’s a job for you. Go forth and … Science!
Or Math!
Or… Oreos!
Random Thoughts: Democracy, Clowns, and Guns
RT once asked to interview me about a column I wrote on Obama, but bad-mouthing the president on foreign TV didn’t sit well with me.
Still never been on TV 🙁
So you want me to spend money to reduce the challenge of the game, i.e., the whole point of the game. I’m going with no.
The main principle behind democracy is that if you can slow down a tyrannical dictator by splitting him into millions of pieces.
I hate democracy. I don’t like idiots having even a fractional say over me.
Or maybe I’m just beaten down by the prospect of another Republican presidential primary. Why is it already starting? Why?!
Not to be melodramatic, but that brutal, senseless murder was not my most favorite thing ever.
So we have this massive NSA spying program but it was completely useless to stop a rodeo clown from making fun of Obama?
Have we caught that rodeo clown yet?
I’d be a lot less worried these days if the government didn’t have access to guns.
Was going over the alphabet with my daughter and just realized ‘c’ and ‘k’ make the same sound! What is this crap?