Finally! A Cure for Childhood Obesity!

[High Praise! to Michelle Obama’s Mirror]

“Anybody still hungry? I didn’t think so.”

Shockingly High Turnout

At a pro-Obamacare event in Virginia, only one person showed up to man the phone banks.

Suggested New York Times headline: “100% of Participants Support Obamacare”.

Whatever Happened to That Pre-Election “War on Women” Thing?

[High Praise! to Irritable Pundit]

[reference link]

And Irritable Pundit has another picture for your amusement, too.

Link of the Day: Satire – Anthony Weiner Selected As Air Force Sexual Assault Prevention Chief

[High Praise! to The Duffel Blog]

Anthony Weiner Selected As Air Force Sexual Assault Prevention Chief

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Wisdom of the Day: Frisk Dog Whitey French Constitutional Achieve

A Rose By Any Other Name

On the Tonight Show, President Obama said “we don’t have a domestic spying program”.

Relax, folks, it’s just a “citizen information retrieval project”?

Splat Balls

Friends of mine from Florida (I remember when I lived there; it was humid but I had no state income tax), have a new business and a new product they’re selling: Splat Balls. It’s a ball you can throw against a hard surface and then it splats and eventually reforms. It’s pretty cool.

Here’s a picture of one splatted they call “Splat Democrat”:

Splat Democrat

That face looks kinda familiar. Anyway, it could be a great stress reliever. If Obama says something stupid — well, if he just talks at all — you can splat him on a nearby wall with your Splat Ball. And it’s all perfectly legal as long as you don’t actually throw it at Obama.

NOTE: Not recommended for use by rodeo clowns.

Obama Warned Us – Stereotypes and Prejudices

Stereotypes and prejudices still exist in American society, and for the highest office in the land a female or African-American candidate would, at the outset, confront some additional hurdles to show that they were qualified and competent. But what I’ve found is that the American people–once they get to know you–are going to judge you on your individual character. Whatever the flaws in the process, people get a fairly accurate read by the end of the campaign.

BARACK OBAMA, Newsweek, Jan. 1, 2007

“Fortunately, a good Chicago-style political machine is the perfect cure for accurate reads.”

Nudgers and Benghazi Witnesses

Sunny is now going to be doing a weekly show now covering the topics of the day. Here is her first episode (slight language warning):

Man, that Hitler can make anything sound evil.

You’ve Been Judged!

Anonymiss of Nuking Politics picked her favorite punchlines to “NASA Discovered a Tiny Pink Planet Orbiting a Distant Sun. On It, They Found…

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email Keln about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, Anonymiss has got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

Straight Line of the Day: After Hearing of a New Study Showing That TV Makes Kids Stupider, President Obama…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

After hearing of a new study showing that TV makes kids stupider, President Obama…

Obama’s Magic New Implementation Delaying Powers

Hey, Obama just arbitrarily delayed another part of Obamacare. At this rate, there will be no active parts of Obamacare left for Republicans to defund.

I remember that old School House Rock song about how a bill becomes a law, but they totally left out the part where the president can just change implementation of the law in “consultation with businesses.” They’ll have to add a whole other verse for that part. Maybe make it dubstep.

Anyway, I’m sure this will once again give people confidence in Obamacare that it’s so well planned and thought out that Obama has to create for himself new powers to stop Obamacare from enraging voters. The provision he’s delaying this time are caps on out-of-pocket costs, or as insurance companies sees it, a mandate forcing them to raise premiums.

I guess the plan is now to delay all the pain of Obamacare until Obama is out of office and is long gone — presumably having moved to some country he likes better than the U.S. And then we’ll have this Republican president whining about the huge mess he inherited from Obama. Hey, no excuses; you deal with it. Presumably then there will be some manhunt to find Obama and bring him to justice, but I bet he’s already built some kill switch into our drones to prevent them from being used against him. He’s so devious and yet… so stupid.

Man, I can’t wait to see what our nation’s rodeo clowns have to say about all this.

Our POTUS, Who Art In Washington…


[Source: YouTube]

Barack O–, Barack Obama, thank you for doing everything and all the kind stuff. Thank you for all the stuff that you helped us with. Thank you for taking the courage and responsibility for everything you have done for us. And God has gave you an special power. And you, and you are going to handle it gr–, just fine. You are good, Barack Obama. You are great and– and when you get older you will be able to do great things. Love, Steven. Barack Obama!!”

What was it Linda Creed wrote? “I believe that the children are the future?”

We’re screwed.

Random Thoughts: Rodeo Clown, Science, and Whitey

Erwin Schrödinger is potentially a cat murderer and shouldn’t be celebrated by Google.

There’s only one thing to do when a rodeo clown makes fun of you: Ride a bull for 8 seconds. Do the honorable thing, Mr. President.

When the Founding Fathers wrote the 1st Amendment, they didn’t have rodeo clowns in mind.

“If I wanted to get lectured about politics, I would have gone to a mindless action film starring Matt Damon.” -unhappy rodeo attendee

Oh, Obama found some Science. Just let him chew on it a bit, and when he gets bored of it, take it away.

This is my first time watching an episode; which one is Breaking Bad?

How come Bulger was convicted and Zimmerman wasn’t? They’re both whitey.

It’s good it looks like Anthony Weiner has no chance of becoming mayor, because otherwise we were going to put NYC under a dome.

I trust Obama to wield Science! as smartly as he does math.

White women sound horrible. Let’s not elect one president. #SolidarityIsForWhiteWomen

Obama, for only $250 million – half of what you sank in Solyndra – I’ll give you this big bag of all-purpose science. #ScienceSaysSo

The only scientist I know of who successfully predicted a planet-wide disaster decades in advance is Jor-El.

When I see, “if Hillary runs” I think, “What would stop her?” I don’t even think death would do it. We’d have our first undead candidate.

I know we shouldn’t be racist, but let’s be honest: We all hate Whitey.

I fail to see the interest in this Hyperloop project, as I don’t want to go to San Francisco or Los Angeles.

I wonder if the scientists Obama is citing are “scientists” in the way Obama is a “constitutional law professor.”

I wonder what that rodeo clown has to say about Obama delaying another part of Obamacare?

Next to Be Banned: Cartoons of Croissants

A sharia committee in Syria has banned croissants for being a symbol of “European victory over Muslims.”

And you thought getting twitchy over a Pop-Tart nibbled into the shape of a gun was crazy.