Archive of entries posted on 16th August 2013
Fox Would Cancel It After One Season
[CONTENT WARNING – Contains awesome violent fight scene, bloody death, and Wilhelm scream]
[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #31,051)
Here you can see the teaser (long version) of “Land of Giants”, the result of our crowdfunding-campaign. Thanks a lot for all the fantastic help and support!! Right now we are working on the next step: Making “Land of Giants” into a TV-Series or feature film! If you want to continue giving us your support, share the video as much as you can and support us on facebook.com/landofgiantsfilm
“Land of Giants” is a creative mix of the apocalyptic science-fiction, western and martial arts genre.
After the storm reduced our world to ruins, the Giants came to us, to punish those who would ever again lay their hands on the magic called “Electricity”. A long time ago Crutch (Mathis Landwehr) challenged the Giants anger. His destroyed knee won’t let him forget the day, they took everything from him. So he ventured out to hunt and kill them.
I want to note one thing – in the intro where they talk about the “gods” who took away electricity from man, I couldn’t help thinking that they were describing environmentalists.
Oh, and I wouldn’t call the show perfect, since the interminable walking scene is worthy of Roger Corman, the idea of bandits laying in wait in the middle of a barren wasteland is patently ridiculous, and the hero only manages to not get killed because the bad guy decides to do some sadistic monologuing. Aside from that, though, I like the concept – I think it’s got some possibilities.
Maybe they can get Joss Whedon to help patch up the rough spots.
Lost Last Shot
In Texas, a bowler lost his shot at a perfect 300 game after the lane malfunctioned on the last frame.
Reminds me of that time when Obamacare went up to the Supreme Court.
Barack Obama – Mister Priorities!
Link of the Day: True – Liberals Pummeled Into Submission With Tasty Desserts!
[High Praise! to Nuking Politics]
You absolutely HAVE to click over if for no other reason than because the look of dumbfounded stupefaction on the liberal’s face is just too, too precious.
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
Wisdom of the Day: Woman Pac-Man Maybelline Disney Giraffe Willy
attractive woman just smiled at me on the street AND gave me some change looks like you still got it murray
— Steve Murray (@NPsteve) August 15, 2013
Pac-Man is a good metaphor for life because the goal is to eat all the pellets in a level. There is also fruit & ghosts, just like in life
— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) August 15, 2013
Maybe it's the visual manifestation of her crippling body dysmorphia brought on by societal pressures, maybe it's Maybelline.
— Fun_Beard (@Fun_Beard) August 15, 2013
I was into Walt Disney's head way before it was cool.
— Rob Kutner (@ApocalypseHow) August 15, 2013
"…and by the time the giraffe realized he'd been punched in the face, I was already halfway down the ladder." -Excerpt from my memoir
— Matt Roller (@rolldiggity) August 15, 2013
The opposite of "Free Willy" is "Predestinationy."
— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) August 15, 2013
Backed Up To Floppy Disk Once a Month Whether It Needs It Or Not
Obama Warned Us – Cleaning Up
There is no military solution to the war in Iraq. Our troops can help suppress the violence, but they cannot solve its root causes. And all the troops in the world won’t be able to force Shia, Sunni, and Kurd to sit down at a table, resolve their differences, and forge a lasting peace. In fact, adding more troops will only push this political settlement further and further into the future, as it tells the Iraqis that no matter how much of a mess they make, the American military will always be there to clean it up.
BARACK OBAMA, podcast, Jan. 3, 2007
“That’s why, here in America, I want to make a mess so big that Hercules couldn’t clean it up if he diverted the Alpheus and Peneus“
A Visit from the NSA
You’ve Been Judged!
Anonymiss of Nuking Politics picked her favorite punchlines to “Michelle Obama Is Releasing a Rap Album Titled…”
Click here to see if you made the cut.
If you did, you should probably email Keln about becoming a guest blogger there.
If you didn’t, Anonymiss has got another straight line for you to practice on.
Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.
Straight Line of the Day: A New Report Shows Antarctic Sea Ice at a Record High. Also at a Record High…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
A new report shows Antarctic sea ice at a record high. Also at a record high…
But What Are You Going to Do for Me Mr. President?
I grow weary of not receiving protected class status, so something has got to change. I think it is high time we updated the American’s with Disabilities Act. The act didn’t do much to make the world comply with the needs of overweight people. We need to do more to make things obese-friendly and accessible. I expect some special treatment too. For example, we need to mandate that the world be fixed to accommodate inequities such as these:
- When you are overweight, there are no seesaws, only catapults.
- When you are overweight, there are no hula hoops, only belts.
- When you are overweight, there are no bikes, only mobile Judas Chairs.
- When you are overweight, there are no yoga pants, only sausage casings.
- When you are overweight, there are no 5K runs, only death marches.
- When you are overweight, there are no turnstiles, only bear traps, inescapable bear traps.
- When you are overweight, there are no single serving bags of microwave popcorn, only single serving cases of microwave popcorn.
- When you are overweight, there are no trampolines, only collapsible death machines.
Help me make a list of all the other things the government needs to mandate that we redesign to accommodate those of us disabled by our girth. For one, I think the government should provide me with a trained house midget to pick up anything I may have dropped or to generally deal with anything I might not be able to see in that hazardous blind spot below my waistline.
The Beginning of My Path Towards 2016
So, the 2016 race is already heating up with Chris Christie making veiled attacks against Rand Paul and Bobby Jindal. He’s basically saying to the other possible candidates, “I drink your milkshake. And I eat your bacon. And anything else I can quickly grab before I waddle to my hasty escape.”
I can’t help the fat jokes when Christie is the subject. I’m sorry.
Do we really want to get into fights this early, though? I say “yes” because I need all the possible candidate to self-destruct now giving me time to offer myself as the last unsullied candidate for 2016. “That Frank J. there; never heard anything bad about him,” they’ll say. “His wife sure made me a pretty card. Let’s make him the nominee.”
And I’ll be like, “I’m too humble to accept.”
And they’ll be like, “Oh. That sucks. We’ll have to give it somebody else then.”
And I’ll be all panicked and like, “That was just stupid talk. I am not humble. I know I’m awesome.”
And they’ll be like, “But you won’t be extreme or anything?”
And I’ll be like, “No. I’m like super mainstream.”
And they’ll be like, “But what’s this talk about nuking the moon?”
And I’ll be like, “I denounce that. I like the moon. The moon is awesome. It has lots of rocks on it.”
And they’ll be like, “Okay then. I guess you can be the Republican nominee for president.”
Suckers.
Draft – Boycott Wendy’s for its support of [something]
[Note to editors: URGENT! More research needed to determine which of the following is to be published. Is Wendy’s considered a right-wing or a left-wing organization? Need response urgently. This post is scheduled for 10:00 AM, and I must have an answer prior. Thanks, Basil]
[If Wendy’s is right-wing]
The new Wendy’s logo is a disgrace. Have you noticed it? Here it is:
See it? It says “MOM” right there under her chin, on her collar.
Now you see it? Good. Only, bad. Here’s why.
Wendy’s usage of “Mom” is a clear slap as male, single-sex families. It’s like gay couples don’t have the right to raise children.
Here’s why I’m taking this so personally. My nephew and his husband live near Boston, and are doing a wonderful job of raising their adopted son — Wendy’s ought to appreciate that much of their relationship, what with the Dave Thomas Foundation and all — and I don’t appreciate their approach of subtly criticizing their family.
My great-nephew is being raised by a loving couple, and the fact there’s no “mom” in the family doesn’t make it any less a family.
I call for a boycott of Wendy’s. And I hope you’ll join me.
[If Wendy’s is left-wing]
The new Wendy’s logo is a disgrace. Have you noticed it? Here it is:
See it? It says “MOM” right there under her chin, on her collar.
Now you see it? Good. Only, bad. Here’s why.
The Wendy’s logo is a young girl. And the clearly-visible “MOM” in the logo is a promotion of teen pregnancy. It’s saying that it’s okay for a young girl like Wendy (in the logo) to be a mom.
With teen pregnancy and single-parent families on the rise, we’re raising another generation that is beginning life playing catch-up. And the sad truth is, many never do. Wendy’s promotion of teen pregnancy through subtle advertising is helping contribute to this growing problem in this country.
Left-wing organizations like Wendy’s need to avoid such political agenda and should focus on the food, not helping to promote the decline of the nation.
I call for a boycott of Wendy’s. And I hope you’ll join me.
[Note to editors: Again, please respond quickly with a determination of whether Wendy’s is left-wing or right-wing. I’m angry about this whole logo thing, but I need to know why. Thanks. — Basil]
Random Thoughts: Time Wasters, Debates, and Women Presidents
Plants vs. Zombies 2 is out now? But I’m still busy with Candy Crush robbing me of productivity.
If you think Limbaugh makes no sense as moderator but Stephanopoulos does, you don’t’ understand the purpose of a Republican primary.
I hear that WaPo may be looking for a new person to cover the conservative beat. I should point out that not all conservatives despise me.
I could moderate a debate. I’d ask good questions. “If you’re so conservative, then why’d you enter politics?”
If anyone in Egypt asks, I’m denouncing violence there.
I was so bored by the gameplay in GTAIV, I completely don’t get the hype for the new one.
If Hillary becomes president 2016, it will show to every little girl that she too can one day become president if she marries right.
The only way to make sure the government doesn’t abuse power is to not give it power.
The next time Oprah goes to a store and asks to see a purse, I bet everyone is going to panic and drop to the floor like it’s a stick up.
Saw the Rifftrax Live of Starship Troopers, though I don’t know how I was supposed to hear the riff over the hilarious satire.