[High Praise! to Technabob]
Archive of entries posted on 26th August 2013
If You’ve Seen Enough “Breaking Bad” to Know What “Say My Name” Means, You Will Love This
Prefatory Note: “Barfi is a sweet confectionary from the Indian subcontinent. Plain barfi is made with condensed milk and sugar cooked until it solidifies.”
[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #133,674)
National Security: You’re Doing It Wrong
State Department emails show the Obama administration provided a New York Times reporter access to highly classified information.
Idiots… that’s no way to keep secrets. Give it to MSNBC so no one will hear it.
I Would Title This Collection “If the Government Made It”
An Italian artist reimagined common objects in a way that makes them both familiar and useless. Good luck wrapping your brain around them.
Click here for more mind-bogglingness.
Link of the Day: Satire – Afghan Exchange Student In US Army Course Gets B+ For Planning Mass Killing Of His Classmates
[High Praise! to The Duffel Blog]
Afghan Exchange Student In US Army Course Gets B+ For Planning Mass Killing Of His Classmates
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
Wisdom of the Day: Parents Damon Grocery Syria Goldilocks Affliction Cassie
In the Ben Affleck version, Batman's parents kill themselves.
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) August 23, 2013
#BetterBatmanThanBenAffleck A real live bat, shaved, in a rubber suit, with claymation mouth; or, in other words, Matt Damon
— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) August 23, 2013
This sucks. Now I’m embarrassed to wear my batman costume to the grocery store.
— Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) August 23, 2013
You are more upset about Ben Affleck getting cast as Batman than Obama is about anything happening in Syria.
— CC:Indecision (@indecision) August 23, 2013
The real tragedy of Goldilocks And The Three Bears is that Mr and Mrs Bear, a young married couple, already sleep in separate beds.
— Sixth Form Poet (@sixthformpoet) August 23, 2013
Sorry about your divorce, 40 year-old guys wearing Affliction shirts.
— Bryan Donaldson (@TheNardvark) August 23, 2013
"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Lettuce." "That's impossible."
— anti joke apple (@antijokeapple) August 23, 2013
100% of girls named Cassie need to just calm down for a second.
— Jamie Woodham (@jwoodham) August 23, 2013
Cover All the Bases
Chris Christie has signed legislation that orders the installation of signs throughout New Jersey to remind drivers not to text and drive.
Next: sending out texts telling people not to get distracted by road signs while driving.
Obama Warned Us – Off The Path
I have asserted a firm conviction rooted in my faith in God and my faith in the American people–that working together we can move beyond some of our old racial wounds, and that in fact we have no choice if we are to continue on the path of a more perfect union.
BARACK OBAMA, speech, Mar. 18, 2008
“Oops… looks like the ol’ car just got driven into a ditch again”
White Noise for Liberals
So Colin Powell called the Zimmerman verdict “questionable judgement,” and Powell knows questionable judgement considering how he crossed parties to support the obvious empty suit Obama and then learned nothing and stuck by the loser for reelection.
I don’t really get what the point is of Powell now. All he ever seems to do is burp out slightly left-wing mush. He’s very predictable and says nothing challenging at all to Democrats. And so the talk shows invite him on to say these nothings and feel secure in their viewpoints — Hagel used to preform a similar roll. They could actually just replace him with a white noise machine; liberals could just listen to the calming sounds of a babbling brook while they feel so secure about how smart and right they are.
You know how Powell could really get some attention? Say something really critical about Obama — and he has a million billion things to choose from since Obama is such a huge doof.
Oh, not interested? Fine, then just keep wrapping liberals in a warm blanket while whispering nothings in their ears.
You’ve Been Judged!
Anonymiss of Nuking Politics picked her favorite punchlines to “The Wall Street Journal Reports That the NSA Can Spy on 75% of Internet Traffic. The Other 25%…”
Click here to see if you made the cut.
If you did, you should probably email Keln about becoming a guest blogger there.
If you didn’t, Anonymiss has got another straight line for you to practice on.
Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.
Straight Line of the Day: Doctors Say “Sleep Texting” Is Becoming a Common Problem, Which May Explain Why Obama Tweeted…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Doctors say “sleep texting” is becoming a common problem, which may explain why Obama tweeted…
No More Wars
So I guess we might be getting into a war with Syria or something. Everyone is all worried about another war considering how the last couple went, but maybe we can do better with a more hands off approach. We’ll launch a few cruise missile, drop a few bombs, and that’s it. And if someone asks, “Aren’t you going to help them establish a new government or something?”
We’ll be like, “Nope. Just blowing stuff up from a distance now. Everyone on the ground — the Syrians and what not — can figure out the rest.”
“Won’t they be angry at us?”
“Well… we don’t like to speculate on other people’s feelings. If someone doesn’t like our policy, they do have our email address.”
So no more wars. Just bombings here and there to help countries know they’ve done wrong and learn. Sounds good?
Biblical
Remember the scene in Ghostbusters where the team tries to tell the mayor that a disaster of Biblical proportions was coming? Bill Murray’s character offered his take on it:
[YouTube]
…human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together … mass hysteria!
Well, it’s close. In Detroit, at least.
You’re probably heard about reports of packs of dogs running around, possibly as many as 50,000.
But, it’s turned out that cats may be a problem, too. The Detroit Free Press reports that in at least one neighborhood, at least one large cat is stalking the area [notice: link contains auto-start video]. (Tip: Paul Mitchell)
A leader with the neighborhood association where the cat is roaming said several residents have contacted him after seeing the big feline.
“I’m really concerned,” said Vondell Boyer, 55, vice president of the Greenbrier Council. Boyer and other residents said they’re worried that if the cat runs out of rabbits, squirrels and other small critters to eat, it will target small kids.
(Tom) McPhee, (executive director of the World Animal Awareness Society, based in Ann Arbor) who is helping conduct a study of stray dogs in Detroit, said there are about 10-20 stray cats in the city for every stray dog.
See what 51 years of Democrats running things gets you? A disaster of Biblical proportions.
Random Thoughts: Batfleck
Thought things were finally getting better, but now we’re in what in the future will be known as the “Ben Affleck as Batman” era
If Starbucks allows guns, it will be exactly like every other business in the 40+ right to carry states. Scary.
“Ben, we want you to be Batman and direct the Justice League movie.”
“Wow! Why are you doing this?”
“I’m a big Marvel fan.”
Bat-meh
They took the nipples off the Batman suit only to put Ben Affleck in it. #LateralMove
“So what drives you? Did something horrible happen to you in the past? Were your parents murdered?”
“I was portrayed by Ben Affleck.”
And what was Obama doing when they announced Ben Affleck as Batman? Golfing. #EmptyChair
When the Founding Fathers wrote the 1st Amendment, they never considered that someone might cast Ben Affleck as Batman.
Was going to call the casting of Ben Affleck as Batman racist to try to get it changed, but then I was afraid we’d end up with Tyler Perry.
So far the only people I’ve see for Ben Affleck as Batman are Democrat politicians. These are the people you want running your health care?
Now Jim Gordon will keep turning around hoping to see that Batman’s left.
“2 + 2 = 4”
“Bigot!”
People shouldn’t be haters, but you also can’t defy all logic and science and expect people not to notice.
Did He Blame Bush, Congressional Republicans, or Global Warming?
During a recent Obama outing, the official presidential ambulance ran out of gas.
Folks, on this one, do I even need to SAY the words “Obamacare metaphor”?