Link of the Day: Satire – Afghan Exchange Student In US Army Course Gets B+ For Planning Mass Killing Of His Classmates

[High Praise! to The Duffel Blog]

Afghan Exchange Student In US Army Course Gets B+ For Planning Mass Killing Of His Classmates

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Wisdom of the Day: Parents Damon Grocery Syria Goldilocks Affliction Cassie

White Noise for Liberals

So Colin Powell called the Zimmerman verdict “questionable judgement,” and Powell knows questionable judgement considering how he crossed parties to support the obvious empty suit Obama and then learned nothing and stuck by the loser for reelection.

I don’t really get what the point is of Powell now. All he ever seems to do is burp out slightly left-wing mush. He’s very predictable and says nothing challenging at all to Democrats. And so the talk shows invite him on to say these nothings and feel secure in their viewpoints — Hagel used to preform a similar roll. They could actually just replace him with a white noise machine; liberals could just listen to the calming sounds of a babbling brook while they feel so secure about how smart and right they are.

You know how Powell could really get some attention? Say something really critical about Obama — and he has a million billion things to choose from since Obama is such a huge doof.

Oh, not interested? Fine, then just keep wrapping liberals in a warm blanket while whispering nothings in their ears.

You’ve Been Judged!

Anonymiss of Nuking Politics picked her favorite punchlines to “The Wall Street Journal Reports That the NSA Can Spy on 75% of Internet Traffic. The Other 25%…

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email Keln about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, Anonymiss has got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

No More Wars

So I guess we might be getting into a war with Syria or something. Everyone is all worried about another war considering how the last couple went, but maybe we can do better with a more hands off approach. We’ll launch a few cruise missile, drop a few bombs, and that’s it. And if someone asks, “Aren’t you going to help them establish a new government or something?”

We’ll be like, “Nope. Just blowing stuff up from a distance now. Everyone on the ground — the Syrians and what not — can figure out the rest.”

“Won’t they be angry at us?”

“Well… we don’t like to speculate on other people’s feelings. If someone doesn’t like our policy, they do have our email address.”

So no more wars. Just bombings here and there to help countries know they’ve done wrong and learn. Sounds good?

Biblical

Remember the scene in Ghostbusters where the team tries to tell the mayor that a disaster of Biblical proportions was coming? Bill Murray’s character offered his take on it:

[YouTube]

…human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together … mass hysteria!

Well, it’s close. In Detroit, at least.

You’re probably heard about reports of packs of dogs running around, possibly as many as 50,000.

But, it’s turned out that cats may be a problem, too. The Detroit Free Press reports that in at least one neighborhood, at least one large cat is stalking the area [notice: link contains auto-start video]. (Tip: Paul Mitchell)

A leader with the neighborhood association where the cat is roaming said several residents have contacted him after seeing the big feline.

“I’m really concerned,” said Vondell Boyer, 55, vice president of the Greenbrier Council. Boyer and other residents said they’re worried that if the cat runs out of rabbits, squirrels and other small critters to eat, it will target small kids.

(Tom) McPhee, (executive director of the World Animal Awareness Society, based in Ann Arbor) who is helping conduct a study of stray dogs in Detroit, said there are about 10-20 stray cats in the city for every stray dog.

See what 51 years of Democrats running things gets you? A disaster of Biblical proportions.

Random Thoughts: Batfleck

Thought things were finally getting better, but now we’re in what in the future will be known as the “Ben Affleck as Batman” era

If Starbucks allows guns, it will be exactly like every other business in the 40+ right to carry states. Scary.

“Ben, we want you to be Batman and direct the Justice League movie.”
“Wow! Why are you doing this?”
“I’m a big Marvel fan.”

Bat-meh

They took the nipples off the Batman suit only to put Ben Affleck in it. #LateralMove

“So what drives you? Did something horrible happen to you in the past? Were your parents murdered?”
“I was portrayed by Ben Affleck.”

And what was Obama doing when they announced Ben Affleck as Batman? Golfing. #EmptyChair

When the Founding Fathers wrote the 1st Amendment, they never considered that someone might cast Ben Affleck as Batman.

Was going to call the casting of Ben Affleck as Batman racist to try to get it changed, but then I was afraid we’d end up with Tyler Perry.

So far the only people I’ve see for Ben Affleck as Batman are Democrat politicians. These are the people you want running your health care?

Now Jim Gordon will keep turning around hoping to see that Batman’s left.

“2 + 2 = 4”
“Bigot!”

People shouldn’t be haters, but you also can’t defy all logic and science and expect people not to notice.