Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Doctors say “sleep texting” is becoming a common problem, which may explain why Obama tweeted…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Doctors say “sleep texting” is becoming a common problem, which may explain why Obama tweeted…
“Get me out! Get me out of here!!”
“The bombing starts in 15 minutes!”
“I’m a perfect sleeper — and I don’t mean the Serta kind.”
Doctors say “sleep texting” is becoming a common problem, which may explain why Obama tweeted…
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Doctors say “sleep texting” is becoming a common problem, which may explain why Obama tweeted…
Is the NSA getting all this down?
Doctors say “sleep texting” is becoming a common problem, which may explain why Obama tweeted…
that woman in Oklahoma, California, New York and 54 other states.
What the ?!?! It’s 3 AM… Holy SHzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZ
I’ll kill you Leonard Nimoy
Where’s all this hair come from. Bo’s not supposed to shed….
“Help! The Klingon beotch rolled over on me!”
It’s really my fault… not Bush’s
Doctors say “sleep texting” is becoming a common problem, which may explain why Obama tweeted…
“Oh Hillary. Bark like a dog for me.”
Doctors say “sleep texting” is becoming a common problem, which may explain why Obama tweeted…
“They accepted non-implementation, now to work on non-elections in 2016.”
Doctors say “sleep texting” is becoming a common problem, which may explain why Obama tweeted…
The dream police, they live inside of my head.
The dream police, they come to me in my bed.
The dream police, they’re coming to arrest me, oh no.
You know that talk is cheap, and those rumors ain’t nice.
And when I fall asleep I don’t think I’ll survive the night, the night.
‘Cause they’re waiting for me.
They’re looking for me.
Ev’ry single night they’re driving me insane.
Those men inside my brain.
The dream police, they live inside of my head.
(Live inside of my head.)
The dream police, they come to me in my bed.
(Come to me in my bed.)
The dream police, they’re coming to arrest me, oh no.
Well, I can’t tell lies, ’cause they’re listening to me.
And when I fall asleep, bet they’re spying on me tonight, tonight.
‘Cause they’re waiting for me.
They’re looking for me.
Ev’ry single night they’re driving me insane.
Those men inside my brain.
I try to sleep, they’re wide awake, they won’t leave me alone.
They don’t get paid to take vacations, or let me alone.
They spy on me, I try to hide, they won’t let me alone.
They persecute me, they’re the judge and jury all in one.
‘Cause they’re waiting for me.
They’re looking for me.
Ev’ry single night they’re driving me insane.
Those men inside my brain.
The dream police, they live inside of my head.
The dream police, they come to me in my bed.
The dream police, they’re coming to arrest me.
@14: “I think we can all agree, the dream police acted stupidly.”
“Counting sheeple helps me sleep.”
Doctors say “sleep texting” is becoming a common problem, which may explain why Obama tweeted…
Trayvon…. Trayvon… Trayvon….
Doctors say “sleep texting” is becoming a common problem, which may explain why Obama tweeted…
“… the title is ‘To serve Dog’!!!”
Doctors say “sleep texting” is becoming a common problem, which may explain why Obama tweeted…
“I shot Bobby!”
…”it’s covered by Obamacare.”
“I’ve got somNAMBLAism!”
Sorry… 15 Schnitzengruben’s my limit.
Doctors say “sleep texting” is becoming a common problem, which may explain why Obama tweeted…
24 hours a day for several days straight this past week.
Doctors say “sleep texting” is becoming a common problem, which may explain why Obama tweeted…
“…perchance to dream, Ah, there’s the rub…”
Doctors say “sleep texting” is becoming a common problem, which may explain why Obama tweeted…
The NSA must never sleep.
“I had a dream!”
“I’m glad I have my bed and hesheit has hishersits.”
“Hillary, make it stop!”
♬
The darkness must flow.
Down the river of nights dreaming.
Flow morphia slow let the sun and light come streaming into my life. Into my life.
♬
(from the Baracky Horror Picture Show)
….at about 1:25 seconds in.
“Oh, Hillary, you’re sooo sensual.” #HillaryIstheNewHotness
Doctors say “sleep texting” is becoming a common problem, which may explain why Obama tweeted…
“If I had a walrus, he would not be much like walruskkkch…”
Doctors say “sleep texting” is becoming a common problem, which may explain why Obama tweeted…
“I’m counting sheepdogs in my sleep… and planning dinner…”
Doctors say “sleep texting” is becoming a common problem, which may explain why Obama tweeted…
…ya know, it really IS about me
…it’s good to be the king
…I’ve fallen and I can’t get up
Hillary? I think we’re gonna need a bigger
boatvote.I’m really the Cleavon Little of Presidents.
Doctors say “sleep texting” is becoming a common problem, which may explain why Obama tweeted…
Breath deep
The gathering gloom
Watch lights fade
From every room
Bedsitter people
Look back and lament
Another day’s useless
Energy spent
Impassioned lovers
Wrestle as one
Lonely man cries for love
And has none
New mother picks up
And suckles her son
Senior citizens
Wish they were young
Cold hearted orb
That rules the night
Removes the colours
From our sight
Red is gray and
Yellow white
But we decide
Which is right
And
Which is an Illusion
Doctors say “sleep texting” is becoming a common problem, which may explain why Obama tweeted…
Tweedle-lee-dee-dee-dee, tweedle-lee-dee-dee Tweedle-lee-dee-dee-dee, tweedle-lee-dee-dee Tweedle-lee-dee-dee-dee, tweedle-lee-dee-dee…
Doctors say “sleep texting” is becoming a common problem, which may explain why Obama tweeted…
If only Michelle would let me have……COOKIES!
Doctors say “sleep texting” is becoming a common problem, which may explain why Obama tweeted…
[OK, just an aside here. Does anyone think that Obama actually tweets anything on his own? I mean it would probably interfere with his golf game. Any tweets labelled “Obama” is probably from some flunky. We return you know to your regularly scheduled punchline.] “I thought it was a marshmallow!”
. . . the lyrics to “Mr. Sandman”
. . . “Willow . . . tit willow . . . tit willow”
. . . “I taught I thaw a puddy tat.”
. . . his love for Miley Cyrus
…Iffen I can’t wake up between Steve Martin and John Candy I don’t wanna wake up at all.
…Ain’t it funny how things work perfectly in my dreams. At least I ain’t making them worse LOL.
…Biden smart like fish, and fish school is hard. #BidenHasMackeralDNA
…If you like your doctor, Obamacare means you can visit his brain in a jar at your new doctor’s office.
…Only racist people read my tweets when I’m asleep.
…I was dreaming my recurrent dream about my father dreaming. He always dreamed multiple dreams and never had to change his sheets.
…My mom and grandmom were typical white women, always afraid to vote for the black kid when I ran for president of the SCA!!!
Being me means never having to go to the bathroom when I go to the bathroom!!!
#Lazy?OrNothin’ToMakeAStinkAbout?
…Ouch. Was gonna chew my arm off and escape but Michelle chose right then to get hungry. Free at last, free at last, thank God…….
…Just got a bill from the MLK Foundation for that last tweet, seems he ain’t free no more.
…What if they gave war and I found out about it in the newspaper? No really. Would you fall for that?
…I am so for gay marriage but Eric Holder’s mustache tickles #CatOutOfTheBag
“Death to the U.S.A! —Dreams from my fatwa”
. . . During Benghazi.
… his dream of attacking Syria, just like he did bin Laden (with some corpsemen):
“There’s no place like Homs;
There’s no place like Homs.”
“dang, that li’l miley can twerk!” #BarelyLegalGhettoOnions
“michele twerkz an i thro up in tha back o my mouth” #ThingzThatMakeMesusGoUrrp
“jus dreemd bout a teddybear” #GhettoSistaMiley
“I don’t want no stinkin’ twät waffles!”
“I could have been the black Reagan, but noooooooooo…..”
“Fish, and plankton, and sea greens, and protein from the sea”
Sweet dreams are made for me
Who are you to disagree?
I rule the world and the seven seas
Everybody’s helps me for something
Some times I want to use you
Some times I want to get helped by you
Some times I want to abuse you
Some times I want the GOP abused too.
Sweet dreams are made for me
Who are you to disagree?
I rule the world and the seven seas
Everybody’s giving me something
I knew I should have taken the blue pill.
So long and thanks for all the fish.
The clown has no peanuts*
(to go with #8, and I cleaned it up a bit)
Badges… I don’t need no stinkin’ badges.
@48 – ‘specially the blue ones.
Doctors say “sleep texting” is becoming a common problem, which may explain why Obama tweeted…
…the damn phone kept ringing at 3 AM so I kept hitting the snooze button.
…Hillary was right about those 3 AM nuisance calls.
…the phone rang and 3 AM and it was a collect call from Benghazi – I hung up.
…I had a nightmare last night – I dreamed there were three dogs in bed with me.
…”Time to make the donuts.”
…”Biden keeps calling me about monsters in his closet… That’s what the Secret Service is there for!”
… Obamacare will include free depilatories for Wookies, Yeti, Skunk Apes and Bigfoot.
…”out out damned spot. you werent on the menu…”
Doctors say “sleep texting” is becoming a common problem, which may explain why Obama tweeted…
…ObamaCare is a nightmare!
…Bad nightmare… 3 a.m…. both sound asleep… phone rings… once, twice, three times… Hillary answers it!
…Dreamt the dogs were in bed with me… turned out to be two Portuguese water boys
…Rough night… first Michelle ‘treated’ me to a “dutch oven”… (ref: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=dutch%20oven)
…Never trust a fart in bed!
I’m all over golf like a spidermonkey
Tweet #1 – Are we awake?
Tweet #2 – We’re not sure. Are we… black?
Tweet #3 – Yes, we are.
Tweet #4 – Then we’re awake… but we’re very puzzled.
Oprah… Uma… Uma…. Oprah….
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