I May Go to France Just to Test This Out

[High Praise! to Nuking Politics]

Sacre Bleu! It is no longer against the law in France to make fun of their President.

Now they can enjoy the fun the rest of the world has all been having for centuries making fun of a French person.

Tangentially related pop-quiz:

What is the origin of the phrase “cheese-eating surrender monkeys“?

So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish

Researchers have discovered that dolphins use specific clicking noises to call each other by name.

Reportedly, the noises for “Obama” sound exactly like a bad NSA phone tap.

The First Bankruptcy

Moe Lane [High Praise!] wrote the perfect Detroit-based parody of W.B. Yeats’s “The Second Coming“. It begins:

Deeper and deeper in its gathered regret
The city cannot bear its crushing debt;
Things fall apart; Blue Models cannot stand;
Smith’s virtuous Fist is loosed upon the land,
The bankruptcy is loosed, and everywhere
The solvency of proud Detroit is drowned;
The Left lacked all competence, while the Right
Was kept away, per standard policy.

More at Moe Lane.

Link of the Day: Satire – Obama Finds New Sources of Government Revenue

[High Praise! to Gang Aft Agley]

Keeping It Real

BONUS LINK: Also from Gang Aft Agley, an interesting history of Obama struggling to look presidential:

The Eagle Has Landed

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Wisdom of the Day: Smoke McDonald’s Clerks Comedy Middle

I’m Sure They Mean It This Time

Democrat Senator Edward Markey is calling for a set of federal regulations to cover rides at amusement parks.

Great idea! And don’t worry… he promised that if you like your roller coaster, you can keep it.

Obama Warned Us – Underestimated

When I ran for the U.S. Senate the assumption was that anyone’s name that was close to “Osama” doesn’t stand a chance. So if somebody thought that tacking on “Hussein” in there would be a killer, then I think they underestimate the American people and the seriousness of the problems we face.

BARACK OBAMA, Newsweek, January 1, 2007

“They also underestimate how much low-information voters love free stuff.”

The Exciting Weekly Zimmerman Sighting

So Zimmerman was spotted in Texas speeding slight and carrying a gun. Isn’t this exciting? I guess this is going to be weekly thing now: the Zimmerman sighting. Last time he rescued a family from a burning car, and now we know he’s armed again and somewhere in Texas. And he said he was going “nowhere in particular” which just adds to my theory that he, rejected by society, travels the land righting wrongs as he sees them.

BTW, the Smithsonian wants Trayvon’s hoodie for posterity since, you know, a hundred years from now we’ll totally still talking about how that one guy got shot for bashing another’s guy’s head into the pavement.

You’ve Been Judged!

Anonymiss of Nuking Politics picked her favorite punchlines to “A Saudi Prince Warned That Fracking Is a Threat to His Kingdom. Also a Threat…

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email Keln about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, Anonymiss has got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

Straight Line of the Day: Scientists Are Attempting to Resurrect the Wooly Mammoth from DNA Samples. Their Follow-Up Project…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Scientists are attempting to resurrect the Wooly Mammoth from DNA samples. Their follow-up project…

Our Mistake Was Assuming a Politician Has Basic Humanity

So Filner’s lawyer is arguing the city need to pay Filner’s legal costs because it failed to give him training on sexual harassment. See, he had no idea he wasn’t supposed to sexually assault women because he wasn’t trained not to.

It’s actually a pretty good argument. When you think about it, isn’t it a huge mistake to assume a politician has any common sense or knows right from wrong? We made the same mistake with Barack Obama just assuming he knows what math is or how businesses work and look where that got us. Really, hasn’t history taught us that we should assume all politicians lack any sense whatsoever and are complete sociopaths?

Oh, I guess then the proper course of action would be to lock them all up.

Hey, I just solved politics!

Slinging things off the planet

DennisTheMenaceA couple of years ago, we talked about drug smugglers using catapults to fling marijuana into the U.S.

At the time, we suggested using catapults to throw stuff out of the U.S. Well, it turns out that a company in Virginia is wanting to do more than that. They want to use slingshots to throw stuff off the planet. No, I’m not making this up.

It’s a Kickstarter project, called the Slingatron. Only, it calls itself a “railroad to space,” but it uses more of a slingshot concept than a railroad concept.

I’m not talking your Dennis the Menace kinda slingshot. I’m talking your David kills Goliath slingshot. The kind that goes around and around then is released with a FTHHPPTT!

Will it work? I dunno. But, I’d like to see it throw something off the planet. Or someone.

Let’s start with Barack Obama. Next, Joe Biden. Then, Obama’s cabinet. Follow that up with the Democrats in Congress, and then the people that voted for them.

I’m thinking once we do that, we’ll have worked out all the bugs, and the Republicans will get the idea that we don’t mind tossing folks off the planet. Maybe they’ll straighten up and act right.

And, if they don’t, we’ll still need to test it some more, just to make sure it’s working.

But, that’s just my suggestion. Who do you suggest we test this thing on? Who would you throw off the planet?

Depends on What the Meaning of “Our” Is

Jay Carney said that immigration reform would “reduce our deficit, expand economic growth, and raise wages”.

Don’t laugh, it’s true…. if you work for the DNC.