Archive of entries posted on 20th August 2013

Wisdom of the Day: Fantasy Musical Bottling Tolerance

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What Could Stop Biden 2016?

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So everyone thinks Hillary is a lock for the Democrat nomination in 2016, but don’t start making the posters just yet: Biden is thinking of entering the race. If that happens, could anything stop him? I can only think of a few things.

THINGS THAT COULD STOP BIDEN

* A Chinese finger trap.
* Childproof locks.
* A card that says, “How to Keep an Idiot Busy for Hours: Turn Card Over” on both sides.
* An escalator (he scared it might suck him in).
* The maze on the kid’s menu at Applebee’s.
* Big words.
* A penny glued to the sidewalk.

But other than that, unstoppable.

Ted Cruz’s Awesome Opportunity

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Man, I am so jealous of Ted Cruz right now. Since he was born in Canada — even though to an American citizen — it ends up he automatically gets Canadian citizenship even though he never sought it out. So, just clear things up for a presidential run, he’s going to renounce his Canadian citizenship.

Man, I would love to be able to renounce a non-American citizenship. My dad always told me a story of my grandfather (also Frank J. Fleming) who when getting his American citizenship after moving here from Ireland, was asked, “Do you renounce the king of England?”

And he replied, “I did that years ago.”

Wouldn’t it be great to have an awesome renunciation of a former citizenship? Here’s what I recommend for Ted Cruz: Go to North Dakota to the Canadian border for his announcement. Stand at the border and say, “I renounced my Canadian citizenship. Canadians are nothing but a bunch of maple-syrup swilling, moose-munching, cheap American-knockoffs.” Then he can break a hockey stick in two and set fire to a maple leaf. “North of me is nothing but losers.” And then he can spit over the border.

People seeing that would be like, “Wow. Now there is a true American who loves America — unlike certain other current president and unaccomplished, shrewish, overly-ambitious former first ladies.” He’d be 2016’s front runner.

Instagrump

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InstapunditLogoInstagram says you can’t use their name in your name. Or any part of their name in your name.

Which brings up the question: What the heck is Instagram?

I looked, and I think it’s a place where you take pictures of coffee cups with a Polaroid Swinger and put them up for other people to see. I think there might be more to it than that, but I’d have had to looked at more coffee cups, and honestly, I just … um … no.

Anyway, since Polaroid coffee cups are the big thing now or something, Instagram is huge. And they came out with a policy that says you can’t use “Gram” or “Insta” in your name.

Anybody ask Glenn Reynolds about this?

Okay, I know. Here I am defending Instapundit, the blender of puppies, the killer of hobos, worshiper of Satan, dancer of the Robot, commie spy. Oh, and he’s a Law Professor. Like Obama. Except that Obama wasn’t a Professor. And Glenn Reynolds really went to college.

Besides, “defending” may be too strong a word. I’m actually thinking that Instagram is stupid. At least their policy about saying they’ll sic a whole team of lawyers on you if you use “Insta” in your name.

That and the whole coffee cup thing.

Still, I kinda feel like I’d like to see the two go at it. Glenn Reynolds would take Instagram to the cleaners. And, if that happened, Instagram might get all that coffee out.

Random Thoughts: Obamacare, Citizenship, and Exception Handling

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At work, I liked my health care plan… but it will no longer be available because of adjustments for Obamacare. I can not keep it.

I guess what Obama should have said, “If you like your health care plan, you can theoretically keep it… in some cases.”

Maybe as a compromise we should do that Starship Troopers thing where no one automatically gets citizenship.

The book; not the movie.

Whatever happened to Obama and “Win the Future.” Are we at that future and we already won it?

In the future, that rodeo clown will be known as our era’s greatest hero.

A good government would better protect us from our politicians’ incompetence.

In the future, everyone will be the frontrunner in the Republican presidential primary for 15 minutes.

Bob Filner supporters have to register themselves and you can go online to see if any live in your neighborhood.

try
{
GetCoke();
}
catch(IsPepsiOkay e)
{
GetMountainDew();
}

So I’m supposed to be motivated to get your gas station debit card for a $.06 a gal. savings? That’s less than a buck for a $50 fill up.

Why are people still using the same gas savings promotions from back when gas cost less than a $1.50 a gallon?

Just in case, Ted Cruz should renounce his Canadian citizenship. I’d love an opportunity to renounce a non-American citizenship.

“I renounce any Canadian citizenship. They’re a bunch of hockey-brained, American-wannabe moose-munchers.”