Hillary Clinton: Fashion’s Rainbow

[High Praise! to Sondrakistan]

I’m still trying to decide if this is better or worse than Michelle’s boob-belts.

Either way, I don’t think I can stand to look at this every day until 2024.

Let’s Talk About Being Offended

[High Praise! to Seanmahair]

In a land where people can use the most foul, disgusting words imaginable (and some one can’t even imagine) people are being fired, are being threatened with jail, and/or being subjected to death threats for using a word “one group” considers offensive. Really? So the next time someone refers to my ancestors as “micks” or “drunks” or any number of offensive names for the Irish I can threaten them, their family, their businesses? They owe me a big time payout for “offending my sensibilities”. So the words Limies, Krauts, Chinks, Crackers et al are all going to land people in jail for “hate” crimes. Little secret here, people don’t need to call you names to hate you. They can hate you and smile at you all at the same time. Most of them don’t give a rats tail what your ethnicity is, they don’t like you because THEY DON’T LIKE YOU. Please get over yourself, graduate from Middle School and put on you adult panties.

Citizen Protection

[High Praise! to Freedom is Just Another Word]

Link of the Day: Unemployment – Abbott & Costello Version

[High Praise! to Gunslinger’s Journal]

From the Mailbag

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Wisdom of the Day: Lincoln Existence Treehouse Morris Tase Texas ID

How Liberals Would Explain Racism

[High Praise! to Gunslinger’s Journal]

True story: Racism and Slavery began in 1776 when the White People of the United States of America began to grow cotton, and decided they needed African slaves to pick it. It was only then that they went directly to Africa to capture charming, civilized, peaceful, literate, cultured, soulful, black folk and force them onto their plantations as slaves.

No one in the world had ever heard of such a thing as slavery before evil White People in the United States of America invaded by the thousands—like savage locusts—the Utopian lands of lushest Africa, and stole, wholesale, the noble natives right out of their huts…er…country cottages…and brutally tore them from their paradisaical homeland of love and brotherhood, and sharing and caring among all the worthy tribes of that majestic land.

I Don’t Think Hallmark Does a Line of Threat Cards

I woke up yesterday morning to find this in front of the coffee pot:

Axe Cop Card

I thought maybe I had gotten an arch-nemesis, but it was just SarahK playing around with how she can make custom stamps and deciding to surprise me with an Axe Cop card.

Still, this would be a great card to send to a bad guy you intend to kill.

Obama Warned Us – Iraq

We must be as careful getting out of Iraq as we were careless getting in.

BARACK OBAMA, speech, Jun. 3, 2008

“i.e. not very.”

I Don’t Get This Hyperloop

So this guy is proposing this thing called the “Hyperloop” which will get people from Los Angeles to San Francisco in a half hour. I don’t really get it. If I were like stuck in Los Angeles, I’d want to get out quick, but my destination would not be San Francisco. Now, if it went to Boise and Los Angeles, then I have a quick escape route if for some reason I end up in Los Angeles. But that probably won’t happen often. How about between Boise and Texas — now it would actually be transporting people between useful places. That’s a great idea. I should be a billionaire proposing things, because the ones we have now aren’t very good.

You’ve Been Judged!

Anonymiss of Nuking Politics picked her favorite punchlines to “
After Hearing of a New Study Showing That TV Makes Kids Stupider, President Obama…

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email Keln about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, Anonymiss has got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

Straight Line of the Day: In Order to Get People to Actually Read the Stories They Print, Newspapers…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

In order to get people to actually read the stories they print, newspapers…

Money with Helpful Advice

I had never seen this before. It’s called the Fugio Cent and was an early American coin designed by Benjamin Franklin:

Fugio Cent

What I like is that “Mind Your Business” slogan. It’s a nice idea for money to have helpful advice on it. We should bring that back. Here are some of my ideas for new helpful advice to put on a penny:

* Stop whining.

* Don’t read money and drive.

* Brush your teeth.

* Don’t put on train tracks.

* Good for one wish when deposited in fountain.

* Don’t work; don’t eat.

* If you actually pay for things with these, you’re a jerk.

* Shut up, stupid.

* Collect 99 more and win one item from the dollar store.

* Democrats will take these.

What advice would you put on money?

Glowing Killer Muslim Bunny Rabbits

GlowingBunniesA report out of Hawaii says that scientists in Turkey have made glowing bunny rabbits. No, really. Bunnies that glow in the dark.

Okay, maybe not in the dark, but under ultraviolet light.

You’re probably thinking, “That’s nuts.” And you wouldn’t be wrong, but it’s worse than that.

I mean, didn’t they ever see Night of the Lepus? Or heard about the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog? Scientists are taking a risk there.

Or are they?

The widdle bunnies were supposedly engineered in Turkey, a Muslim country. And using technology from Hawaii.

What other Muslim-Hawaiian connection might there be? Can you say Obama?

Is this part of some larger plan that Obama and the Moslems have hatched to destroy America? He’s tried blowing up the economy for five years, and has done a marvelous job of bringing on financial collapse, but the U.S. just refused to fall. Perhaps the glowing Moslem killer bunny rabbits is the final piece of the plan.

So, be ever vigilant. If you see any glowing giant killer bunny rabbits wearing suicide bomber vests saying “Eh… (chomp chomp chomp) Allahu Akbar, Doc” sound the alarm.

I know this sounds like I’m suggesting that we profile glowing bunny rabbits. But better safe than sorry.

Random Thoughts: Photo ID, Fraud, and Mock Obama Day

I just saw on Drudge that the 9pm slot on FOX News prime time will now be filled by a rodeo clown.

The fact is it’s trivially easy to commit voter fraud when photo ID’s aren’t required and a small, vocal group wants to keep it that way.

“No one would ever commit voter fraud. Just look how honest we arguing against photo ID are.”

And I don’t get how Democrats go from screaming about voter fraud in 2000 and 2004 to now claiming it’s science fiction.

That’s not true. I do get the motivation for that.

Just don’t act like you think counting every vote is sacred when you leave fraud so trivially easy to commit.

“We must count every vote… and then some!” -Democrats

Voting should be at least as hard as buying a gun.

Maybe instead of voting, we should spin a wheel to make our choice. Might actually be less arbitrary.

It’s time to purge all the purists from the GOP.

Yo ‘bama’s so fat, he has to raid Taft’s wardrobe. #MockObamaDay

Yo ‘bama’s so stupid, he literally thought Biden was the smartest possible runningmate. #MockObamaDay

Yo ‘bama’s so ugly, they hung his presidential portrait in the kitchen to scare away the cockroaches. #MockObamaDay

Yo ‘bama’s so dumb, to get back at the NSA for spying on everyone, he shut down the shuttle program. #MockObamaDay

So where does the buck stop now?

It may seem weird to have rodeo clowns do political commentary, but keep in mind major networks invite Al Sharpton on for the same thing.

If you’re against photo ID for voting because it’s racist but for it for buying a gun, you’re full of crap and should be punched in the face.

I’m all for punching if it’s for educational purposes. #HippiePunch

“Let me see your ID… hmm, from your photo, I can see you’re black. No vote for you!” -what’s going to happen with voter id or something

I never heard of John Legend before; I assume he’s some sort of rodeo clown.

Kardashianed

Doctors say they’re seeing an increase in the number of women getting black market procedures to make their buttocks larger.

I don’t know… sounds like an urban legend: women who WANT you to tell them their butt looks big in that dress.