Archive of entries posted on 21st August 2013

Link of the Day: Self-Test – Are You Sketchy?

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[High Praise! to Sheldon Comics]

Are You Sketchy?

Surprisingly, Trayvon Martin qualifies as “sketchy” by this test, but it has nothing to do with race, hoodies, Skittles, or even trying to smash someone’s skull on the sidewalk.

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Wisdom of the Day: Pray Sponge Putin Sneeze Wild Zelda Fallout Counting Birth

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It’s Not a Racial Quota, It’s a Numerical Minimum Residency Standard

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HUD Secretary Shaun Donovan on why HUD is now “monitoring diversity” in America’s neighborhoods:

“Unfortunately, in too many of our hardest hit communities, no matter how hard a child or her parents work, the life chances of that child, even her lifespan, is determined by the zip code she grows up in. This is simply wrong.”

Ya know, Shaun, given the accuracy of your first sentence, I couldn’t agree more with that last one.

You’ve Been Judged!

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Anonymiss of Nuking Politics picked her favorite punchlines to “
A New Study Shows That Fruit Juice Is Worse for You Than Soda. Also Worse Than Fruit Juice…”

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email Keln about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, Anonymiss has got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

Obama Warned Us – Political Differences

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I have found that cooperation happens not because we agree on everything, but because behind all the false labels and false divisions and categories that define us; beyond all the petty bickering and point-scoring in Washington, Americans are a decent, generous, compassionate people, united by common challenges.

BARACK OBAMA, speech, Jun. 3, 2008

“I intend to be that common challenge.”

Obama Got New Dog

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So Obama got a puppy. This is news because… I dunno. I’d make a dog-eating joke, but I’m just too tired of hearing about Obama and can’t get myself to care enough. I just felt like it was my duty to come up with some clever remark on this event, but it’s not happening.

Actually, I have an idea to get this country going again. What if the media agreed to an embargo on Obama news for a month. Like we go a whole month without hearing or seeing Obama. Think of high our spirits would be by the end of that month. We could achieve anything.

Something to think about.

A Better Thing to Focus on than Stand Your Ground

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So there is an ad out against Stand Your Ground laws.

Stand Your Ground is nothing but a kids in hoodies massacre!

Wouldn’t a more helpful ad to society, though, be a “Don’t Bash People’s Heads into the Pavement” PSA?

“If Trayvon had just politely told Zimmerman he felt he was wrongly being profiled instead of bashing Zimmerman’s head into the pavement, he’d still be around today. So, don’t bash people’s heads in the pavement. It’s just a bad idea, and in right to carry states, it can get you shot. Maybe you’ll get away with it California or Chicago, but don’t try that crap in Florida. And if you did it in Texas… oh boy. So learn from Trayvon’s mistake. Bashing people’s heads into the pavement: Just don’t do it.”

And what’s the alternative to Stand Your Ground anyway? We’re supposed to run away from criminals? This is America; criminals are supposed to run away from us. Leave your sissy laws in Canada.

But if you still think our self-defense laws are really bad, my recommendation is to avoid them by NOT ATTACKING PEOPLE.

Perfect

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MannyFernandezSB7The only NFL team to win all their regular season and playoff games, the 1972 Miami Dolphins, were invited to the White House recently. Three members of the team didn’t go, citing political differences.

Center Jim Langer, defensive tackle Manny Fernandez, and offensive lineman Bob Kuechenberg declined to make the trip, telling the Orlando Sentinel they didn’t want to associate with Obama.

Bob Kuechenberg’s first words were, “I want to be careful, because mom said if you have nothing good to say about someone, then don’t say anything. I don’t have anything good to say about someone.”

…”We’ve got some real moral compass issues in Washington,” Hall of Fame center Jim Langer said. “I don’t want to be in a room with those people and pretend I’m having a good time. I can’t do that. If that [angers] people, so be it.”

“I’ll just say my views are diametrically opposed to the President’s,” Manny Fernandez said. “Enough said. Let’s leave it at that. I hope everyone enjoys the trip who goes.”

…”I think it’s great if [other players] want to have that function at the White House,” Langer said. “I have other stuff to do.”

He’ll be fishing with his 4-year-old grandson, Max, instead of going to the White House.

Being a grumpy old fart also, I understand their feelings. Sure, it’s the White House. But, it’s Obama. I get it. But, listening to some news shows and reading online comments, most columnists seem to think they should go.

I think the reaction of the three that didn’t go is perfect. Like their 1972 season.

Random Thoughts: Cosmopolitan, Stand Your Ground, and Next President

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So when the NYT keeps changing its stance on the filibuster based on which party holds the Senate, that’s just being cosmopolitan?

So is cosmopolitan basically a brain dead partisan with a martini in hand?

“I don’t like taxes and I have robot arms.” -next generation Republican

Maybe they should do an anti-bash people’s heads into the pavement PSA. It’s in general a pretty bad idea.

They should call a bill to repeal Stand Your Ground the “Sir Robin Act.”

Al Qaeda is on the run. It’s jogging daily and very healthy.

Almost time to start talking about the 2020 Republican primary.

That ad against Stand Your Ground basically yadda yaddas Trayvon bashing Zimmerman’s head into the ground.

It was not having a Stand Your Ground law in Mos Eisley that caused George Lucas to make Greedo shoot first.

u no obama is gonna eat that dog in front of his cryin children and there id nothing u can do becuz freedom

Let sleeping dogs lie; repeal Stand Your Hound laws.

Young Self: “So what is the 21st century like?”
Me: “Pretty crappy these first 13 years of it, but we have neat phones.”

The birtherism actually started with McCain (born in Panama), and response should’ve been, “Yep, he’s not an American; new candidate please.”

It’s going to be pretty sweet for whoever is elected president in 2016 since he’ll have been preceded by 16 years of lowering expectations.

That Duck Dynasty sure portrays Christians a lot different than the stereotypical portrayal from Hollywood.

The world would have been a much better place if someone had murdered Hitler back when he was just a comedic silent film star.

The very first joke, of which they’ve found evidence in cave paintings, is throwing a cream pie at a guy in a monocle and top hat.