I've altered your Constitutional rights. Pray I don't alter them any further. Too late, you can't pray.

— Renna (@RennaW) August 20, 2013

the sponge is my kitchen sink's Picture of Dorian Gray

— Mickey McCauley (@Mickey_McCauley) August 20, 2013

Will Putin grant Sunny Obama asylum if she tries to flee punishment for White House leaks?

— CC:Indecision (@indecision) August 20, 2013

I'll bless you after the first sneeze, after that you need to shut up

— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) August 20, 2013

*puts down smoking shotgun* I think you mean Where the Wild Things Were.

— Sadvil (@crylenol) August 20, 2013

Cosmo 10 tips for beating the water temple in Zelda that will drive your man wild

— lawblob (@lawblob) August 20, 2013

There's been less fallout over #Benghazi than there was over a rodeo clown.

— Razor (@hale_razor) August 20, 2013

I've got four words for you: I LOVE COUNTING WORDS.

— Tim Long (@mrtimlong) August 20, 2013

what idiot called it a birth certificate instead of the born identity?

— john truckasauras (@chuchugoogoo) August 20, 2013