Straight Line of the Day: Google Has Built a Mysterious Offshore Facility Near San Francisco. Its Purpose…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Google has built a mysterious offshore facility near San Francisco. Its purpose…

41 Comments

  1. Google Has Built a Mysterious Offshore Facility Near San Francisco. Its Purpose…
    … is to be the next generation Pirate Bay.
    … is to distract everyone from what the gov’t is really up to.
    … is to function as a walled enclosure so Dem females have a safe place to sunbathe without causing innocent bystanders snow-blindness.
    … is a safe house for S.F.’s remaining heteros.
    … is to be the next Ellis Island, but for our new Chinese owners.

  2. Google has built a mysterious offshore facility near San Francisco. Its purpose…

    probably nothing to be concerned about, what’s the worst that can happen?

    Clandestine lab to try and replicate Anonymiss cookies.

    @4 What? I’m I the only person who likes cookies?

    to provide better service to it’s customers.

  3. Remember the demotivators-style graphic that showed a rhino with the caption “government-designed unicorn”?
    Google has built a mysterious offshore facility near San Francisco. Its purpose… a government-designed speedboat.

  4. …a banking server farm and cash container that will float in International Waters and act as a tax dodge for all the Google execs.

    …an artificial island on which Obama will be exiled – it’s called Elba 2.0

    …is to be the only place where you can wear your Google Glass without getting punched in the face

  5. @13 Hey! What’s up with connecting lily white skin with democratic females, huh?

    I am no democrat.

    But I’m about as pale as a gal can be 🙂

    @23 That is so sad. I’ve made cookies for people with several different dietary restrictions, but I’ve never made them sugar-free…YET.

    I enjoy a challenge. 🙂

  6. … is to sequester the worst code from Healthcare.gov. And it shall be called Crockatoa, East of JavaScript.

    … has to do with Homo(sexual)land Security, so they can’t really talk about it.

  7. …is a result of the USA not being big enough to contain all of Google’s awesomeness.

    …is declaring itself a sovereign nation that will be the only one where Obama will be welcome before long.

    …storing all the data that the idiots at the NSA can’t because they forgot their password.

  8. Google has built a mysterious offshore facility near San Francisco. Its purpose…

    to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before. Planet Pi Epsilon, nudist colony for women.

  9. Google has built a mysterious offshore facility near San Francisco. Its purpose…

    picnic basket storage from Jellystone Park.

    New home for Barney. [No, not the dinosaur!]

    None really, just a major corporation wasting billions to confuse and confound us. Sort of like the government that way.

  10. …conforms to the newly created US Dept. of Semantics rule that prohibits internal spy programs.

    …storage for Anonymiss’ cookies, land based cookies will suffer greatly from rising oceans after Obama leaves office.

    …that one San Franciscan who is not a freak? $10.00 and you can stare at him all googly eyed.

    …gerbil retirement home.

    …the extension cord would not reach all the way to China.

  11. …WORLD DOMINATION!

    Using Google maps and Google Earth, the accelerometers of every Android device, and harnessing the processing power of countless idle computing cycles (you should really read their EULA sometime!) Google has computed that the next big earthquake will hit the San Andreas fault November 1 2016, and that it will cause California to break off and sink into the ocean.

    This will leave the Google barge as the only legal address left in California from which anyone can vote, and Google execs will be the only ones on board.

    With the largest number of electoral votes of any state, they will have transformative power to reshape government. Amidst the devastation of 8 years of Obama, Obamacare, Obamaconomy, Congressional gridlock and ineffectiveness, and with the presidency, one-third of the Senate, and the full House of Representatives up for election, this will be the time to strike!

    Using data collected from Gmail, Picasa, Google +, and Crome browser histories, they will be able to “convince” one of the two national political parties to do their bidding, or have their dirty laundry aired via YouTube, Gmail, Google search, and every other form of media, which Google is already in control of. Whichever party agrees more quickly, will recieve unprecedented campaign promotion through the aforementioned channels, and be swept to an assured victory. There will be no chance of failure, as any citizen identified by Google as likely to oppose the Google sponsored candidates will be be guided by Google Maps to an “alternate polling place” holding facility, until the actual polls close.

    Once Google is in full control of the most powerful nation on Earth, the planet will be transformed into a utopian society, not unlike that in ‘1984’, ‘Brazil’, or Disney’s ‘Wally’, where all is good as long as everyone stays in line and doesn’t take off their Google Glass.

    Resistance is futile!

  12. Pingback: IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged!

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