Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
DHS plans to X-ray all food and drink at the Super Bowl. Other preparations…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
DHS plans to X-ray all food and drink at the Super Bowl. Other preparations…
…include abandoning the border, because “everyone’s home watching the game, man.”
… dog-sniffing giant foam fingers.
… sending a ready-response team to “Omaha!” due to it coming up a lot in “chatter” about the game.
…a super-secret surveillance program, code named “Omaha”, directed during the game by Payton Manning.
… installing a cone of silence over the Seahawks supporters so the rest of us don’t have to deal with their whining again when they lose this one.
… cleaning up all vestiges of the Giants and Jets, so that the suck doesn’t get on the teams playing in the Superbowl.
DHS plans to X-ray all food and drink at the Super Bowl. Other preparations…
making Anonymiss a Field Judge.
full cavity search for anyone paying more than $1500 for a ticket.
no overcoats permitted in the stadium.
… bringing all of DHS top brass to the site so they can… er… direct operations. And to do so, they’ll need a large indoor… um… comm center overlooking the stadium with excellent lines of sight. For security, you know. And catered, so they they keep all eyes on the game… I mean crowd… at all times.
… Jack Bauer-style interrogation for anyone trying to slip walnuts into the concession stand cookies.
DHS plans to X-ray all food and drink at the Super Bowl. Other preparations…
full pat downs for your “Niece” wink wink.
@7: “making Anonymiss a Field Judge”
Well, that will settle the Seawhiner’s complaints about “blown calls”, as there won’t be any calls.
DHS plans to X-ray all food and drink at the Super Bowl. Other preparations…
making sure no Anonymiss cookies get through untasted.
… will involve turning all “tight ends” into “wide receivers”, if you get my drift.
@11 But there will be cookies!
@11 You are a SNOT.
Just you wait and see…
DHS plans to X-ray all food and drink at the Super Bowl. Other preparations…
all play calls will be approved by the NSA.
… include setting up interview/interrogation rooms for any attendees who pass a sobriety test.
@15: Yes, yes, I am.
…halftime open season on fictitious seabirds using pellet guns. No, really.
There is no such thing as a “sea hawk.”
DHS plans to X-ray all food and drink at the Super Bowl. Other preparations…
all fans should leave your footwear at home, if you know what’s good for ya.
… extensive pat-downs of all cheerleaders. Multiple times. You can never be too safe, you know.
Oh, and Go Hawks!
DHS plans to X-ray all food and drink at the Super Bowl. Other preparations…
checking all the soft drink dispensers for thermonuclear devices.
… include, ironically, contracting a group of “undocumented” day laborers to build a wall around the stadium.
DHS plans to X-ray all food and drink at the Super Bowl. Other preparations…
making sure all those “undocumented ticket holders” get in OK, oh and get free abortions as well.
@24 Now that’s scary.
DHS plans to X-ray all food and drink at the Super Bowl. Other preparations…
making absolutely, positively sure there will be no “twerkin’ at halftime by anyone. Is that clear?
… include snipers ready to take down any wide receiver whose TD dance is too ridiculous.
DHS plans to X-ray all food and drink at the Super Bowl. Other preparations…
H, but that’s still a secret.
@28 That would be all of them then.
@30: By the end of the 1st quarter, one would hope the survivors would learn.
DHS plans to X-ray all food and drink at the Super Bowl. Other preparations…
doing the x-raying AFTER purchase just to be safe.
…Chris Christie will throw out the first pitch.
@31 We are talking NFL quality receivers, aren’t we?
… enforcing defensive holding as well as they enforce border control. Have fun, Peyton.
@34: Okay, halftime. I hear Welker’s a smart guy, after all.
…will include a stadium-wide ban on smoking marijuana – except in the security office…
. . . include not allowing Darren McFadden anywhere near the game, for fear that he will injure himself
. . . include investigating why Russell Wilson and Peyton Manning have four surnames but no given names between the two of them
. . . include the installation of a paper field, because this Super Bowl matchup looks really good on paper
DHS plans to X-ray all food and drink at the Super Bowl. Other preparations…
are so hush hush that only Obama knows what they are, and maybe Snowden, and the Russians, and the Chinese, and the North Koreans, and the Iranians, and the Palestinians, and Hamas, and Al-Queda….but definitely NOT Joe Biden.
DHS plans to X-ray all food and drink at the Super Bowl. Other preparations…
will assure the spectators that no one will be able to hijack the stadium and fly it into the new Freedom Tower in NYC.
DHS plans to X-ray all food and drink at the Super Bowl. Other preparations…
instituting a “No-Fly” zone over the Bronco secondary, damn bastards got a lot riding on this game, capisce?
DHS plans to X-ray all food and drink at the Super Bowl. Other preparations…
include armed guards to keep Chris Christie at bay while the hot dogs and beer are inspected.
@21 No, can of spam, I am NOT a cheerleader…
Geeeez.
…Anonymiss X-ray activated exploding cookies.
…John Madden to taste everything before allowing others to consume it.
@43: As I said, there’s no such thing as “too safe”. Oh look, your name came up again. What are the odds?
…converting MetLife stadium to the first operational FEMA camp and detain all attendees until further notice.
…requiring all half-time entertainment be performed in the nude to eliminate the possibility of ‘Wardrobe Malfunctions’.
@45 Snot.
My cookies are clean.
@47 You do know that the show is Bruno Mars and the Red Hot Chili Peppers? Just checking.
@48 They certainly are sans Walnuts!
…closing all of the bridges and roads to the stadium because none of those out-of-towners voted for Christie.
DHS plans to X-ray all food and drink at the Super Bowl. Other preparations…
Keeping Matthew Broderick away from a computer and a phone.
Plenty of pro-Obamacare propaganda.
will be me surfing the channel guide to see what else is on
@49 I like “Just the Way You Are”. 🙂
…by confusing any terrorists by holding the Super Bowl in the same stadium where the New York Giants and the New York Jets play, but not tell them it’s actually located in New Jersey.
… include dog-sniffing drug agents for the Puppy Bowl.
… include a warning from the FDA about consuming X-rayed food or drink.
…: complementary nacho GPS chips.
…mandatory Imammograms at all nearby mosques.
…no balls allowed in unless signed by the commissioner and properly inflated.
…toilet paperless bathrooms will gather likely terrorists and pervs in confined spaces.
@23 – that about sums up all my fears
…include a no fly zone for blimps, especially ones painted black…
@58 Dohtimes: Where do you keep that “imammograms” line? I’m going to need to steal that for some future Straight Line.
Includes random colonoscopys through racial profiling to check for Colon Bombers.
Other Preparations… “Preparation H” … for all of those DHS agents.
Oppo, actually with Obamacare the DHS has partnered with a number of blind sheiks that will come by women’s houses, giving out purple nurples in lieu of costly X-rays, satisfying everyone (In Iran and the White House).
They’ll start with female celebrities and models first.
They’ll call it Shakira Law.
(One Mosstectomy will turn them from blind sheiks to heroin sheiks)