your resume's strong, but do you have any references?
*Dennis Miller's eyes light up*
— Dave Dittel Beerlovr (@davedittell) June 3, 2014
I hope Obama kept the receipt for Bergdahl. Maybe he can be exchanged for a sweater or store credit.
— -ls/cm (@isfullofcrap) June 3, 2014
Gonna show up to a parent-teacher conference night and freak out when they've never heard of my nonexistent kid.
— Tyler Schmall (@tylerschmall) June 3, 2014
This Bergdahl trade is worse than that time @SenWarren got some beads for Manhattan.
— Cuffé (@CuffyMeh) June 3, 2014
"What kind of scum would slander this fine brave patriotic US soldier!"
"His platoon mates."
"And you actually believe those baby killers?"
— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) June 3, 2014
If Harry Reid was in the GOP, he'd be a weekly segment on SNL.
— Just Karl (@justkarl) June 3, 2014
Hey banks, enough with the "Thank you for banking with us". We only have like 3 options and you're all terrible.
— Damien Fahey (@DamienFahey) June 3, 2014
wanted: shrödingers cat
dead and alive
— fabulous cop! (@fabulouscop) June 3, 2014