The New Adventures of Old Christine:
Watch a car run over and murder completely new people in this Stephen King reboot, this Fall on FOX!
— Michael (@Home_Halfway) September 23, 2014
True Detective Season 4 will feature Eddie Murphy and Eddie Murphy
— Political Math (@politicalmath) September 23, 2014
I don't want to "out her," but I'm pretty certain this woman I'm dating is a lesbian.
— Strawberry Lane (@SondraDeeMe) September 23, 2014
Obama saluted a Marine with a Starbucks cup. The Marine wasn't offended & saluted the cup back, relieved to finally salute something strong.
— WH Press Secretary (@weknowwhatsbest) September 24, 2014
The 186th greatest trick the devil ever pulled was getting us to pay orchards so we can pick our own apples.
— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) September 24, 2014
Welp, I guess the cat's out of the bag. I bag cats.
— Josh Patten (@thejoshpatten) September 24, 2014
[Commercial for art]
"Staring at this wall is so boring."
*someone hangs up a painting*
"This is slightly less boring."
— Tommytoughstuff (@Tommytoughstuff) September 25, 2014