i always wear this epi pen its rly special. my friend gave it to me literally as he was dying it seemed very important to him that i have it
— KING RAINHEAD (@KingRainhead) July 10, 2013
"No thanks, I'm vegetarian" is a fun thing to say when someone tries to hand you their baby.
— Tyler Schmall (@tylerschmall) August 19, 2012
Just gonna wait to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I'm describing him.
— Michael (@Home_Halfway) February 9, 2014
WHISTLING POPULAR SONGS IS KILLING THE DIGITAL MUSIC DOWNLOAD INDUSTRY
— etherbrian (@etherbrian) September 2, 2014
Nothing says "high-functioning alcoholic" like being really good at darts.
— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) September 2, 2014
Don't believe what you're hearing about me being a great skeptic
— shanrath (@skylerhanrath) September 2, 2014
🙂 = smiley face
(: = smiley face if you're a weirdo
— The Sportz Lobster (@AdamTheLobster) September 2, 2014
If you can't afford to go to Oxford you can always go to Cowchevrolet instead
— a. spaceman (@adamrensch) September 3, 2014
(: 🙂