- To contain the outbreak, he is secretly transporting all ebola patients to Las Vegas because what happens in Vegas…..
- Consulting with Dustin Hoffman and Morgan Freeman, but not Rene Russo
- Decreeing America an Ebola-Free Zone
- Lots of healing crystals and homeopathic solutions
- Reorganizing all affected communities
- By executive order, Obamacare now covers Airborne®
- Blaming Bush
- Reassuring Americans that the ebola virus is not viral, and that 99% of global viruses do not align themselves with the goals and methods of ebola
- Judiciously updating his anti-viral software
- Developing a vaccine from his own superior white blood cells
- Telling the IRS that ebola is a member of the Tea Party
- Scolding the virus for its history of afflicting a disproportionate number of black people
- Instituting an affirmative action and bussing program for the virus granting its carriers access to more affluent white countries, states and neighborhoods
- Adding the virus to the Endangered Species List
- Smacking Chris Brown upside the head for spilling the beans about the population control program
- Reminding Americans that ebola is a poor, repressed, misunderstood virus that only hates us becuase of our foreign policy
- Sending Joe to Africa with a dust mask, some chains and lots of confiscated and expired Robitussin
- Cowering in his bunker with a bubble and a year’s supply of vitamin C
(Full disclosure of his efforts will be revealed after the November elections)
* Writing strongly-worded letters linking Ebola to Israel and Climate Change and mailing them to Bibi with insufficient postage.
* Reminding Bill Clinton not to have sex with women coming out of Africa even though Bill is black and wants to.
* Having Whoopi Goldberg remind people with high fevers not to worry, since, most of the time, it’s not “Ebola-Ebola.”
Executive Order #4,395:
All public buildings and areas will post “No Ebola Zone” signs.
‘Developing a vaccine from his own superior white blood cells’ …
So what are you saying? That his strong BLACK blood cells aren’t superior enough to make a vaccine??? Das Raciss!
. . . and declaring the infection of black people a hate crime, with enhanced penalties. When white missionary doctors or hospital nurses contract the disease, it is breach of protocol. When blacks contract the disease, it is a RAAACIST CONSPIRACY!!1!!
Echinacea Goldenseal
* Importing replacement Americans from Mexico.
* Asking his lab results to let him be clear.
* Deploying the nation’s corpse-men.
I’m pretty sure you’re not allowed to put ‘superior’ and ‘white’ in the same sentence, especially when referring to someone who’s only half one and none of the other.