I invented the hot air balloon. I said, "USE COLD AIR," but they went another way.
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) December 4, 2014
LIFE HACK: give ur next child a normal name
ME: are u still mad that ur mother and i named u Life Hack
— jomny sun (@jonnysun) December 4, 2014
And the kettle was all like, "that's our word."
— Burt Slorp (@Burtslorp) December 4, 2014
*hands GF present*
GF: You shouldnt have!
*opens it & its a poinsettia*
GF: This is poison to my cat
*quickly hides botany book*
Me: It is?
— Rad Kyle (@KyleMcDowell86) December 4, 2014