Archive of entries posted on 1st December 2014

Perfectly Safe, Actually

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[High Praise! to Cheezburger]

Let’s review the 4 basic rules of gun safety, which should be habits that are as much a part of you as breathing:

1. Treat every firearm as if it’s loaded.
2. Never point a firearm at anything you are not willing to destroy.
3. Always be sure of your target and what is beyond it.
4. Keep your finger off the trigger until you are on target and ready to fire.

Number 4 is being obeyed, and it is protecting the man in this picture. A gun will not spontaneously discharge from being tipped upside down.

Wisdom of the Day: Trade Giants Underwear Shoots Criticized Cyber

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The Benghazi CYA Report

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I’ve gone ahead and read the Benghazi investigation so you don’t have to, and the Executive Summary doesn’t really reflect some interesting findings couched in the body of the report. Here are a few surprises from the report you probably haven’t heard about from the media:

  • The video that caused the spontaneous protest was actually An Inconvenient Truth.
  • The biggest reason the White House/media couldn’t get the proper narrative out was the fact that Ambassador Stevens wasn’t an African American killed by a racist.
  • The primary cause of the intelligence failure was the severe lack of leadership in the administration who possessed any intelligence.
  • Obama mistakenly directed his drone response to Benghazi Road in Auckland New Zealand. He blamed the autofill feature of Google Maps.
  • During the entire duration of the incident, Obama thought he was just participating in his staff’s biweekly Call of Duty tournament. Unless he is lying, he came in eighth place, a personal best.
  • Obama was unable to deal with the situation in real time because he needed a good night’s sleep. He had a 6:30 tee time before his fundraiser.
  • What irked Obama most about the attack was that he had to leave his September 11 party early to deal with it.
  • In a backroom deal, Hillary agreed to receive payola from Morrissey and Johnny Marr each time she said “What difference does it make” during the Congressional hearings.  She would have also received payment for referring to either Obama or Stevens as “The Boy With the Thorn in his Side” or simply saying that “Some Girls are Bigger than Others.”
  • After the third recess during her testimony before the Congressional hearings, Hillary Clinton was capably played by her stunt double, Ginger the trained orangutan.
  • Ambassador Stevens’ requests for additional security were largely ignored because State Department personnel were pretty sure there were no terrorists in Lebanon, New Hampshire named Ben Ghazi.
  • For some reason the report contained a list of names, addresses, social security numbers, bank account numbers and 1040s for all known Tea Party members.

Straight Line of the Day: Name That Metaphor…

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Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Something a little different today. This picture of a woman getting bitten by a bear she was trying to cuddle is the perfect metaphor for something:

Your job is to tell me what.

Suggested (not required) format:

Woman =
Bear =

For example:

Woman = stupid voters
Bear = Obamacare

Random Thoughts: Ferguson, Justice, and Obamacare

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Hey, everyone: Try not to be racist and try not to riot.

What I’m hearing is that a lot of black people are feeling powerless because of Ferguson… except for one who is bypassing Congress with executive actions.

Regardless of the merits of one case, the fact that a large segment of the population find cops a cause of distress must be addressed.

Never be blasé about people who feel oppressed by government power. That’s something to be consistent about.

Trying Objective-C for the first time. “NO” and “YES” instead of “true” and “false” for boolean? Was this made for babies?

So far President Obama’s only plan for Ferguson is to flood the town with illegal immigrants.

If black people like how things are and don’t want anything to change, they should keep voting for Democrats.

US: “We need jobs!”
Obama: “Here’s my new healthcare plan I’m shoving down your throats!”
*4 years pass
Schumer: “Hey, wait a second…”

For people victimizing random businesses in response to a shooting, is it okay to doubt their sincerity in wanting “justice”?

You sure you want “justice”, guy looting liquor store? I don’t think that will work out well for you.

The dad’s burden is that by the time he sits down to eat the pancake breakfast, it’s cold.

“We should make a solar-powered calculator.”
“That’s a great idea! What else would be useful to be solar-powered?”
*thinks a bit
“That’s it”

I never understood putting raisins in cookies. Have you never heard of chocolate chips or are you just some sort of misanthrope?

“What a perfect, creamy chocolate batter for my brownies.”
*the devil appears on her shoulder
“ADD WALNUTS!”

So are you actually allergic to meat or do you just not eat it because that’s trendy?

“We’re out of new lightsaber ideas. What do you got?”
“Tiny lightsaber blades stick out the side.”
“For what purpose?”
“It needs a purpose?”

How do I explain silent letters to my 4yo?
“Our language was made by madmen and psychopaths.”

Best I can figure about silent letters is there are union rules where you have to hire certain letters whether you need them or not.

The air doesn’t seem to like Texas as it’s always in a big rush to get out of here.

You know how when there are 3 urinals, one is hung lower than the others? Why not just hang them all low?

Have you ever been like, “I’m glad I got a higher urinal! Those are so much more convenient for my height!”?

Weird how like every gas pump instructs you to lift the handle even though it’s been years since I’ve seen a pump where the handle lifts.

Barack Obama doesn’t care about black people on a whole other level than white presidents.

I’m so used to sitcoms without laugh tracks that ones with it seem desperate now. “See? My friends think I’m funny.”

My daughter thinks the queso from Trochy’s Tacos is called “tor-cheese.”

Not to sound negative about Obamacare, but I don’t get the advantage of having more of my healthcare decisions made by sociopathic idiots.

Sorry. I just had to pick a new healthcare plan, and it’s hard to do that and not want to strangle people.

U. S. Air Force Blue

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DWDThinking of Uncle Doug

They took the blue from the skies and a pretty girl’s eyes
and a touch of Old Glory’s hue,
And gave it to the men who proudly wear the U.S. Air Force blue.

The U.S. Air Force Blue

Oh, they are men with a dream on America’s team,
They’re a rugged and ready crew.
And you can bet your boots the world looks up to U.S. Air Force Blue.

To U.S. Air Force Blue!

They know where they’re goin’, they’ve set their course,
the sky’s no limit in the Air Force.

They took the blue from the skies and a pretty girl’s eyes
And gave it to the men who proudly wear the U.S. Air Force Blue.

Uncle Doug
2 February 1938 – 28 November 2014