Archive of entries posted on 19th December 2014

Help, Help, I’m Being Repressed!

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In an interveiw with People magazine, Obama has shared some of the devastating racism he has experienced in his life.  I got my hands on an advance look at the article, and here are some of the examples of racism he has observed in his life first hand.

  • None of the local butchers sell ground Shi Tzu or his favorite guilty pleasure corn-weiner-dogs.
  • While he was campaigning, a citizen once asked him who his favorite rap artist was.
  • For his own safety, the Secret Service would make him sit in the back of the bus while they threw his former friends and associates under it.
  • Angela Merkel asked him if he new of a good Ethiopian restaurant in DC.
  • His new Wii U didn’t have a default mulatto skin tone built in for his Mii.
  • Harvard admitted him.
  • In his Junior High School presentation of Freaks the Musical, the part of the albino was given to that weird, white kid with the pink eyes instead of him.
  • He was denied admission to Cheyney University because he didn’t meet their purity requirements.
  • Joe Biden keeps confusing him with the help.
  • At a Hollywood fundraiser, he was once mistaken for Jay Pharoah.  The real Jay Pharoah was moonlighting as the valet.
  • It’s okay for Nancy Reagan to consult an astrologist, but if Michelle reads goat entrials just once……
  • The only way to make his black coffee tolerable is to add white powder and white liquid to it.
  • It was unacceptable to fill out his Scantron test sheets using black ink.
  • Robert Byrd never invited him to any of his rallies.
  • When given a choice at school lunch, kids preferntially choose the chocolate milk.
  • He was always picked last for basketball, certainly due to his white ancestry.
  • He often heard his girlfriend make hushed remarks to her friends such as, “Well, THAT stereotype is certainly a myth.”
  • His SAT vocabulary prep book included the word ‘niggardly’, misspelled ‘def’ and had incorrect definitions for ‘stupid’ and ‘bad.’
  • While growing up in Hawaii, he was constantly hassled by the man for smoking doobies while black.
  • Natural dark chocolate just wasn’t good enough.  Europeans had to invent a white variety.
  • His grandmother took him to see Song of the South. He didn’t like it, and he didn’t inhale, though he was seen humming Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah for days.
  • He was required to read Huck Finn in High School English.
  • Sickle cell anemia.

 

Random Thoughts: North Korea, Self-Esteem, and Dogs

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You can’t write humor about assassinating awful dictators? Well, there goes my TV series pitch.

Hollywood, I think understand the sort of things you want. My pitch: Chia Pets, the Movie. That will be one millions dollars, please.

So how is The Interview worse than Team America? Or are we just more cowardly now?

How do you even justify still being a Communist country these days? “Don’t you want to join the powerhouses Cuba, Vietnam, and North Korea?”

Whose dumb idea was it to give kids self-esteem? I say no self-esteem until you have a job and are living on your own.

Remember when 30 Rock made fun of North Korea. Would that not fly now?

Did a table read of some scripts are worked on. I now have a job where that sort of thing happens.

I guess working as a programmer, we could have done table reads of scripts, but not many people can make Python come alive.

Anyway, working on something really really cool. Can’t wait for everyone to see it, but that will probably be months from now.

“What’s going on is beyond my comprehension, but perhaps it will all become clear if I tilt my head 15 degrees to the right.” -dogs