Archive of entries posted on 12th December 2014

Link of the Day: Dad Joke

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[High Praise! to Doghouse Diaries]

Dad Joke

I confess, I had to Google the final punchline.

BONUS LINK: I’m dropping this link at you so you’ll be able to do that Kevin Koastie marathon this weekend:

The Adventures of Kevin Koastie – The Year in Review (Part 3)

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Once Again Congress Pulled a Boehner

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For those of you who think the passage of the Cromnibus Spending Bill is a stab in the back, you probably don’t know the half of it. The enormous bill has lots of other infuriating little goodies tucked away in it. Here are some of the other things hidden in the Cromnibus Bill:

  • For census purposes, Republicans now only count as 2/3 of a person.
  • The CBO will now be required to perform all their budget calculations using Common Core math techniques. All work must be shown.
  • Not that Kind of Girl will now be required reading in Junior High School English courses.
  • In all federal buildings, Republicans will now enjoy separate but unequal facilities.
  • Just to be safe, all Republicans named Barry will be assumed rapists and sentenced accordingly.
  • Just to be extra safe, within 100 miles of all college campuses, all fraternities will be banned, all Greek restaurants will be banned, all math and science books will be edited to remove all Greek letters, and the study of Greek plays or philosophy is right out.
  • In addition to providing funding to pay social security benefits to illegal immigrants, as a matter of reparation for past abuse, rich white folks will be required to clean their houses and mow their lawns.
  • Republicans will be required to curb their carbon emissions by suffocation.
  • The nearest Republican is required to be Obama’s footstool whenever he wants to reach something from the top shelf.
  • On December 16, 2014, the IRS will officially end its auditing of Tea Party members, and the Tea Party members will be bound and hurled into the Boston harbor.
  • Ted Cruz was given the official position of Federal Court Jester.
  • All black conservatives will be required to wear the scarlet letters “T-O-M.”
  • Mount Rushmore and the entirety of the sacred black hills lands along with all extant improvements and resources will be restored to their rightful tribal owner, Elizabeth Warren.
  • Saul Alinsky is granted the posthumous title of St. Saul.
  • Mandatory sterilization for lowlifes and undesirables, colloquially known as ‘bitter-clingers.’
  • Congressional Republicans officially pre-vote ‘Aye’ in support of all Obama’s executive orders.