Random Thoughts: Trump, Hillary, and the Tooth Fairy

It should probably hurt Trump that an older version of him from the future appeared urging people not to vote for him, but it won’t.

I think the only thing Trump could say that might cost him supporters is something coherent.

Trump versus Sanders might not be the general election matchup we want, but it just might be the one we deserve.

The dream of the oppressed shouldn’t be to become oppressors.

I hope the plot of the Star Wars Episode 8 is that they’re trying to stop a planet-destroying super weapon.

Has Kylo Ren come out for Bernie Sanders?

We must boycott apples. They help terrorists not need doctors.

Hillary Clinton is giving hr Nevada victory speech behind closed doors to Goldman Sachs.

A random American picked out of the phone book with Jeb Bush’s money behind him would be doing better in the polls than Jeb Bush.

I pleaded to Rorschach to get in the race and save us, but I couldn’t hear what he whispered back.

The only thing that would make Marco Rubio even more inevitable as the GOP nominee is winning a primary.

“A good guy with a gun” is the entire basis of government… if you believe government to be good.

If I had to rank the remaining candidates in order of ones I dislike the least, I think it’s Rubio then Bernie Sanders.

I think a lot of moviegoers were surprised at how dark the origin story is for Sabrina the Teenaged Witch. #TheWitch

In one of my first jobs, I wasn’t paid a living wage. So I didn’t try to live on it. I was a teenager living with my parents.

“You shouldn’t fill a Supreme Court vacancy in an election year and if I ever say otherwise ignore my lying mouth.” -Joe Biden, 1992

Presidential elections have always been a joke. There’s just more broad humor this time.

Daughter’s first loose tooth was yesterday and it’s already out and now we have to do tooth fairy thing and THIS IS ALL HAPPENING TOO FAST!

Remember: A Trump is just as afraid of you becoming president as you are of him.

Hey, who wants to make a new political party?

Dream Land Part 2: Grandma’s House

[Previous: Dream Land Part 1: Grandma and Papa’s House]

Part 2 of 3.

After Papa died in 1979, Grandma lived alone in the little house she had shared with her husband for over two decades. She knew that, without Papa, she wasn’t long for this world. So, she figured she’d be passing on soon after.

Grandma continued to feel that way throughout the 1980s, 1990s, and 2000s, all the way through this year. She continued her life in the little house, the house that had been her Dream Land since her first grandchild, my older sister, was born.

Grandma had retired a few years earlier, and had spent most of her time taking care of Papa. With him gone, she grew restless, and went back to work. She and several of her friends, some from the church, some from the Eastern Star, some she used to work with at the shirt factory, went to work part-time for the local newspaper.

The local paper, in addition to printing the local news, also printed the small town weeklies for several other places. That meant stuffing the local Sears or K-Mart sale paper and such into the newspapers. And, apparently, old retired women have a knack for that, because they did a lot of that.

Grandma continued to stuff papers, attend church services, shop at the Winn-Dixie, and attend Eastern Star meetings for years, and, at the end of the day, return to her Dream Land.

The grandchildren, me included, didn’t visit as much. We were growing up, or grown, and had started our own families. Some of us lived in the area, and others moved away. But, Grandma’s House was always a special place to us. We all managed to find time to visit on occasion, but not like we should, or, like we wanted to. We could have made a better effort, but we were busy. At least, that’s what we told ourselves.

However, when we did visit, it was almost like being back in that Dream Land we visited as a child. We missed seeing Papa, but Grandma was there. She was always there. Until one day.

Grandma fell while working in the yard in 2010. It was pretty severe. She looked bad, and hurt really bad. After 31 years living alone, it was time for some other arrangements to be made.

My mother finally got a large dining area set up at her house. It was a building separate from the main house, that had a large room where tables and chairs could be set up, with a kitchen just off that room. There was a bathroom, an office, and a bedroom.

Yes, it was actually laid out like a guest house, but her intent was to have big family gatherings there. We called it the Fellowship Hall. (Baptists can truly appreciate that.) In 2010, though, she lost that functionality. It became quarters for Grandma. By living there, my mother could watch out for her. Actually, she paid a lady to sit and watch soap operas and Grandma, while she went to work at her job at the Baptist church.

Four years went by with Grandma staying at the guest house. The little house, Grandma’s House, sat unoccupied. Utilities were still on. Mail was still delivered. The grass was cut. The yards were raked. The only thing making it unoccupied was the fact that no one was staying there.

My uncle (my mothers brother) was tasked with upkeep of the house. Well, the hard stuff, anyway. If it needed any work done, he did it. Air conditioning, wiring, pipes, whatever, it fell to him. And, living an hour and a half away, it was difficult on him. He put up with it for four years, until everyone finally accepted that Grandma wasn’t going back to her house. She was approaching 101 years old, and really wasn’t in any condition to look after herself by herself.

He finally had the difficult conversation that no one wanted to have: it was time to do something about Grandma’s House. He thought the best thing to do was to sell it. And, after much anguish from some, that’s what was finally agreed upon. None of the grandchildren were happy about losing their Dream Land from their childhood.

[Next: Dream Land Part 3: Papa’s House]

It’s Always Scary When Joe Biden Talks and Honesty Falls Out of His Yap

I was browsing at Snopes and came across the page where they evaluate this:

Apparently Biden didn’t actually say that. What he said was

“No law abiding citizen in the United States of America has any fear that their Constitutional rights will be infringed in any way. None, zero.”

Am I the only one who thinks what he actually said was even scarier?

Link of the Day: The Final Days of Bob Hope

[High Praise! to Neatorama]

The Final Days of Bob Hope

On a personal note, I’ve always been a fan of Bob Hope’s work, and I watched a lot of his variety show specials on TV during the 70’s. I remember one from the late 80’s where he seemed a little wobbly in his delivery, though, but I didn’t think too much of it.

My most vivid memory of his later career was a clip of him entertaining the troops during the Gulf War, somewhere around 1990 or 91. It was pretty much his standard material at first, but then his one-liners started getting edgier than anything I’d ever heard him say on network TV. The troops loved it, of course.

The man always knew how to work his audience. He was a gift to us all.

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)

Life with Isis: Safe Spaces Part 3

Life with Isis – Safe Space Part 3

(somewhere secret in the desert)

Bernie Sanders Action Figure: Free lunches for everybody. Put it on that guy’s tab over there.

Hillary Clinton Doll: White water? Sounds like a microagression to me.

Trump Action Figure: If Ivanka weren’t my daughter, I’d totally crush that.

Hillary Clinton Doll: It takes a village to raze an embassy.

Corporate HR Imam: By Allah’s mighty beard, which of you are still playing with the bomb dolls?

Crowd collectively shrugs

Habib (points toward the orphan pen where the Corporate HR Lackey is distributing the action figures to the orphans)

Corporate HR Imam: OMA! What in the name of Mohammad are you doing?

Corporate HR Lackey: I thought we were supposed to give the dolls to the orphans.

Corporate HR Imam: Not until we can get them deactivated again, you stupid scat of the infidel!

Corporate HR Lackey: Huh? What are you talking about?

Corporate HR Imam: The explosions! The bloody limbs! Are you not paying attention?

Bernie Sanders Action Figure: Oy, if these debates get any longer, I’ll need a single payer catheter.

Corporate HR Lackey: What? I’ve heard your safe space speech like a billions times, so I was checking out reddit on my phone. Did I miss something?

Corporate HR Imam: The bombs are activated!

Corporate HR Lackey: No!

Trump Action Figure: Bankruptcy. Nothing wrong with that. A perfectly legitimate business model.

Corporate HR Imam: Yes! Get them back from the fodder. Just stop passing them out and take back the ones you already passed out before the orphans blow themselves up and you along with them! Go, go, go. If those orphans die, corporate will have your head on a spike, and you know I am speaking literally.

Corporate HR Lackey: I know. I know. Children are our future.

Corporate HR Imam: No, children are our weapons.

Hillary Clinton Doll: Bill’s attitudes toward women? Let me vag-splain it to you.

Corporate HR Imam: Better hurry it up. (grumbles to himself) I gotta stop hiring these stupid millennials from liberal arts colleges.

Corporate HR Lackey hurriedly chases down the action figures.

Corporate HR Imam: Everybody, let’s try and ignore the orphans and return our focus on trigger warnings.

(to be continued, maybe, if I feel like it)

Dream Land Part 1: Grandma and Papa’s House

Part 1 of 3.

The little house was built in the 1950s as part of a planned neighborhood. I don’t really know if my grandparents were the first ones to live there, but the house was less than four years old when they moved in. Grandma and Papa. That’s what we always called them. And that little house was Grandma and Papa’s house. It was truly a Dream Land for us grandchildren.

It was alway a treat to go there. Grandma and Papa always made us welcome. I don’t remember spending the night there a lot. The small house had two bedrooms, so there wasn’t a lot of room for the grandchildren to stay over. Still, just being there was a dream.

Christmas Eve was always spent at Grandma and Papa’s house. We got to open a present that night, and we went home all excited about what we got and what we dreamed we’d get the next morning.

Birthdays were always special at Grandma and Papa’s house. We always got a card and a dollar for every year of our age. In the 1960s, getting seven dollars for being seven years old was a treat.

Grandma and Papa had a little black and white TV when I was young. When we were there, we got to see the stuff they watched. Papa always watched the six o’clock news from channel 3 in Savannah: Dateline Savannah had the news, Cap’n Sandy gave the weather, and then there was sports. And, on weekends, there was Lawrence Welk (hated that), Porter Wagoner (hated it, except for Spec Rhodes), and the other stuff that old people watched.

In late 1967, my great-grandmother (Grandma’s mother, who we all called “Ma”) moved in part time. My great-grandfather (he was called “Pa”) died that Autumn, and Ma had to move out of the log cabin they had leased since the 1930s. She spent a couple of weeks at a time at each of her three daughters’ places. When she was a Grandma and Papa’s, she’d sit in a rocking chair with a can of snuff in her hand and watch Georgia Championship Wrestling.

Grandma and Papa were the first people I knew to get cable. Of course, when cable TV first came available there, it was the three stations in Savannah and three main ones from Jacksonville (yeah, duplicate network programming). Other than the six network channels (two of each major network) and a couple of PBS channels, there was a channel that showed the weather — actually, a camera rotating between a thermometer, a barometer, and a clock — and not much else. It was different. But, since it was at Grandma and Papa’s, it was special.

They got a new color TV, we grew up, but always went to Grandma and Papa’s when we could. Ma died in 1976, and it went back to Grandma and Papa’s house, though we had always called it that.

Papa’s health problems and heart condition caught up with him in 1979. After watching the Independence Day fireworks, he went to bed happy, and never woke up. He went to Dream Land, and stayed. And the little house became Grandma’s House.

[Next: Dream Land Part 2: Grandma’s House]