Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
In order to reduce wait times at security checkpoints, the TSA…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
In order to reduce wait times at security checkpoints, the TSA…
…select another mode of transportation. Have you considered walking?
…advises: Stay Home!
…issued an advisory: If your government decides you should travel, we will send agents to your house with handcuffs.
In order to reduce wait times at security checkpoints, the TSA…
will adopt the rules used by the INS on Syrian refugees
In order to reduce wait times at security checkpoints, the TSA…
will random shoot every third person in line.
will redefine waiting, or maybe even time. They’ll have to run it by a committee first.
will abandon security checkpoints for more defensible positions.
In order to reduce wait times at security checkpoints, the TSA…
will gladly come to your home for a security “Pat down”.
will adopt Veterans Administration standards.
will do whatever it takes, as long as they get paid time and a half.
…is picking up new agents from the Department of Justice (“Nothing to see here”)
. . . is investing in the new time-travel machine that Donald Trump is selling.
Open up separate lines for elderly women and pre-school children to get extra careful pat downs. Bonuses to be given if they make make the kids cry.
…is asking that travelers pat each other down.
…is replacing TSA checkpoints with “No Terrorist Zone” signs.
…is going to confiscate all timepieces and cell phones so travelers cannot track how long it is taking.
…is developing a trans-gender outreach program.
…is increasing the number of mangers by 30%.
…is now using German Shepherds to cause foreign Muslims to flee the lines. (I’ll wager 2nd generation American Muslims aren’t afraid of dogs.)
…has implemented a “detonate-in-place” program for all bombs discovered.
… is instituting Express Chechen.
…has decided to concentrate on T & A.
…has installed thousands of high-tech, next-gen Islamist sniffers.
In order to reduce wait times at security checkpoints, the TSA
is requesting that passengers strip at home before they come to the airport.
@14 How will they differentiate them from people from San Francisco?
….will no longer be allowed to use medical marijuana on the job.
… installed a hijab occupancy lane
@16: They won’t be able to. The sniffers don’t profile.
@18: One variation:
…installed a special lane with a sign that reads: “Explosive Devices and Terrorists Line”
…put in a special “Cavity Search Express Lane” that uses robots.
@14 …has installed thousands of high-tech, next-gen Islamist sniffers.
Actually that’s next-gen Islamist crotch sniffers… One whiff of sheep sets of the alarm…. Though there are a lot of false positives on flights in or out of Arkansas.
(sets off the alarm) – doh
Don’t bring luggage. Don’t carry anything with you except a bottle of KY jelly. Also, don’t wear clothing. That slows down the cavity searches big time! Practice grabbing your ankles. If you’re not limber enough, grab your socks. (Wear over the calf socks.)
… is going to limit Michelle, her two daughters, and her mother to only one major destination each per day.
@20: a second variation:
… installed a special lane with a sign that reads: “C-4 Items or Less line”
… will give preferential seat selection to muslims who have taken some flight training, to avoid any appearance of islamophobia.
There’s no reason to read this as humor, any more.
@25: Another variation:
…installed a special lane with a sign that reads: “Goat boys and shoe bombers here”
@26: Sure there is. Picture a dozen snarling, growling, 100-lb. German Shepherds sniffing everyone in the ‘International Arrivals’ Customs line. There’d be a lotta wet, brown pants.