Down with the sphericist conspiricists!
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi fully embraced the shift in focus, sounding anxious to move on.
“OK, maybe we’ve been a little overzealous the last couple years,” admitted Pelosi. “Outside of a little Russian dressing on a salad and Trump’s unkempt hair looking like a blond ushanka, I guess we always knew the evidence for a Russian connection was kinda thin. But you know what’s NOT thin? The evidence for the Earth being flat! Look out your window. Does the horizon curve down at the edges? Nope! Straight line! Let’s see you redact THAT, Bob Barr!”
Democrat Congressman Adam Schiff enthusiastically turned his sails to the fresh wind now sweeping through Washington.
“We spent a lot of time and money,” said Schiff, “trying to prove that that smug little orange troll in the White House was conspiring with America’s sworn enemy, Russia, with whom I’m pretty sure we’re fighting a war in Europe or Japan or one of those continents. India? I don’t know. Doesn’t matter. But you know what DOES matter? Now we can go after the REAL money. The money that goes into NASA’s budget for them to make fake “space station” videos. See, the thing is, we’ve seen Ron Howard’s “Apollo 13″, whose very existence proves that space videos can be faked. And for a lot cheaper than going to the actual moon, which is just painted on the sky, anyway. So the question is, what’s NASA doing with all the money they’re not spending on space missions? Show me the money! Then give it to me! So I give it to people who vote for me!”
Rock-star House freshman Democrat Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was quick to lock her eyes on the new prize, as well.
“So the Mueller report didn’t pan out,” shrugged AOC. “Win some, lose some, que sera sera. But you know what we’re NOT going to lose? The fight against climate change! And you know why? Because if flat Earth theory is true – and I’m not aware of any settled science to indicate otherwise – then “Antarctica” is actually a 150-foot high ice wall that surrounds the edge of our pancake planet and keeps the oceans from draining off into the Great Nothing beneath us. Know what would happen if the oceans drained off? Sea levels would go down, people would stop believing in climate change, and that would leave Democrats with no power, no money, and no cute little videos full-to-inexplicable-overflowing with people wearing hard hats and safety vests. Ugh! I’d rather wear sub-$600 shoes!”
President Trump’s tweeted response seemed unperturbed.
“The Earth is round, Elvis is dead, and the Pixar Universe Theory is all just coincidence. Chupacabra’s real though. He’s at an ICE detention facility in San Diego, about to get deported to Tijuana. Undocumented!”
[IMAO Ace Reporter CLIFFY contributed to this story]
< AOC’s Green New Deal Movie Hailed As “Chilling, Dystopian Masterpiece”
Always meant to ask a Flat Earther, “If the Earth is flat, how thick is it?” Would you be able to drill to the other side? What’s on the other side?
The furthest anyone has gotten into Earth (alleged to be 7917.5 miles in diameter) is 8 miles deep, which makes the claims that we KNOW what the Earth’s “core” is made of, and all about, all the more ridiculous.
We’ve been lied to about so much, it is time to start questioning what we’ve been told.
Anybody who really, seriously wants to “start questioning” would begin by learning (more than) a little geology. And if one did that, they would then know how we “KNOW what the Earth’s ‘core’ is made of.”
You mean it is not a hollow sphere with the interior inhabited by, well I’m not saying its Aliens but… its Aliens.
That’s off the record. But there’s nothing to discus.
So that’s why they’re called PacRim countries!
Sounds like a LOT of FEcore matter…
. . . and how all those signs are suspiciously in a perfect, linear order. . .
He noted in passing that his research is more solidly supported than that of Global Warmists, who he referred to as “a bunch of loons.”
That is abso-freaking-lutely perfect!
Model, please?
You killed Kenny’s theory! You bastards!
They resisted the temptation to say that the website was founded in the 1800s
They suggest you take the polar route to get there. It’s faster, for some reason.
I’m submitting this article to Snopes. Y’all are going to get an Internet beatdown from them 🙂
It would absolutely serve us right…
As Eratosthenes of Cyrene noted c. BC 250, the measured distance from Alexandria to Aswan on Earth’s Tropic of Cancer is 150 Stadia (120 miles).
At noon on the Summer Solstice, the sun at Aswan shines directly (vertically) overhead, forming a 90-degree right triangle with Alexandria, where the solar-shadow measures 1.72 degrees off-vertical (sine .03002).
Given these two angles plus baseline distance of 120 miles, Earth’s Euclidean circumference at the equator, diminishing to zero at the poles, is C = 120 x 360 / 1.72 = 25,116 miles– meaning, of course, that Earth is not flat but spherical, with radius 25,116 / 2 pi = 3,997 (approx. 4,000) miles.
From Eratosthenes’ time on, every educated person including Portugal’s King Ferdinand II of Castille and Aragon (r. 1479 – 1492) was well aware that Eratosthenes’ geometric result was irrefutable. In Ferdinand’s case, this meant that Columbus’ contention that Cathay’s silks-and-spices were but 16,000 miles away discounted Earth’s circumference by some 9,000 miles (probably at least one-third).
Manned by paroled convicts, the price of Columbus’ derelict three-ship flotilla (two of the three fell to pieces on the voyage) was less than that of one royal banquet (!). Time to rid the Lisbon Court of this abiding nuisance… off he went, slipping down the Tagus to oblivion (provisions for 8,000 miles would not carry through 12,500).
“What ho, when they lifted the lid!”
Pingback: True but Forbidden 20: Remember, "Rome was not burned in a day." - American Digest