A lot of you are terribly worried that those who are outside of the “Everyone Is a Winner / Everyone Gets a Participation Trophy” society have been left behind. The MENSA candidates have been left behind. It’s true. Or, as we say: “It’s twue; it’s twue!” But that’s an in-joke.

This state of affairs, however, is is no joke. We are outside the mainstream of society, and are falling, ever steadily, ever farther behind.

What is to be done? And by whom? Not us: we are too busy congratulating ourselves on the use of “whom.”

Alarmingly — and in a perverse way, amusingly — there are those who thought that “MENSAtivity” referred to sex, gender, or men. Here’s a spoiler and trigger alert, which have now converged to mean the same thing: it doesn’t.

Increasingly, the world is being divided between the Hugues and the Huguenots, an issue which we all thought was settled a long time ago — much like Greenland. It turns out it wasn’t, though, which is why Trump offered to buy it. His policy was Hugue.

Therefore, we need rhetorical justice and reParthenonations for this under-served community. Serve us with a smile.