Yay! Space Shuttle launch today! No more relying on those tin cans duct-taped to rockets the Russians use! I have my “Return to Flight” t-shirt on I just bought for the Kennedy Space Center, and I’m close enough, that, if I go to the roof of my building at the right time, I should be able to see the shuttle launching (then again, that requires me to walk and do stuff).
So what are the goals of today’s mission into space? Incidentally, there are ten of them in ranked order of importance, so…
THE TOP TEN PLANS FOR THE DISCOVERY’S ASTRONAUTS WHILE IN SPACE
10. See if in space they really can’t hear you scream by going out in space and screaming really, really loud.
9. Add module to the space station with a minibar filled with vodka to try and get more funding from the Russian cosmonauts.
8. Japanese astronaut Soichi Noguchi to use his samurai skills to defend the International Space Station from Chinese space ninjas.
7. Test out first deep-space deep-fryer (space will seem less empty with freshly cooked corndogs).
6. If zero-g containment of hot oil in new deep-fryer is unsuccessful, test new fire extinguishers.
5. Do slow-motion, choreographed fights in zero-g to pretend they’re in The Matrix.
4. Science says monkeys can’t breathe in space, but can you really be sure until you shoot one out an airlock?
3. Test repairing thermal tiles in space – unless double-dog dared by Russians to try landing with as many damaged tiles as possible.
2. See if new and improved Tang with more orange-like flavor increases their productivity.
And the number one plan for the Discovery astronauts while in space…
Don’t blow up.
Godspeed, guys. You have our prayers and our fingers crossed.
…Join 100 mile high club.
Good luck and God speed to the crew of Discovery…we need to settle Mars pronto (before the comets retaliate for us punching one of their own)
Halley’s Comet (fake irish, really scottish accent): Here’s what you do, Comet Hale-Bopp. If one of them hits you with a probe, you hit him back with an asteroid. They send one of yours to the Oort Cloud, you send one of theirs to the Stone Age.
Funny post, but you raise a point that I stumbled upon at a recent trip to KSC.
In the IMAX feature on the ISS project, one segement focused on one of our astronauts who launched with the Russians to get up there. As I watched the final preparations for the launch, I marvelled at the efficiency and simplicity of the spectacle. The crew walked out to the pad with a crowd of family and friends, the rocket was rolled into place and raised to vertical, the crew climbed aboard and they fired off. Such a stark contrast to our way of preparing the launch vehicle months ahead of time and having it sit on the pad for weeks on end while the “final preparations” for launch are made, sequestering the astronauts for a day or two before the flight, then having the launch subject to a scrub because of cloudy skies or a horsefly hovering too near the pad.
Fact is, NASA has its hands full with the whole “reusable vehicle” concept. The current fleet of shuttles is getting dangerously old, and there’s no support for the budget to replace them. The vehicles themselves are overly complex, and therefore prone to more problems.
I realize that the shuttle program is deeply rooted in American pride in the fact that we obviously have the most advanced and most versatle system in the world. I also realize that this pride has likely cost us more money than was necessary and has almost certainly cost us more lives than were necessary.
I also realize that the shuttle program has supposedly paved the way for “tourist” space trips, but the Russians are much more willing to let tourists fly, so that argument doesn’t really fit well into the debate.
I personally favor a return to “disposable” craft. Our astronauts deserve newer, safer, and more reliable technology, and our taxpayers deserve the most economical solution that provides those things for them.
Please don’t take this comment as antagonistic regarding NASA, or even in regard to the shuttle program, per se. I love seeing that majestic bird soar towards the skies, then make its descent back to Earth, turning a “controlled fall” into a picture-perfect landing. I simply think that after this many years of experimentation with reusable vehicles, it’s time for a reevaluation.
There’s no Israelis on this one, so there won’t be any Palestinian “experiments” in the cargo hold this time around.
(If the nutbags keep claiming that Arafat was poisoned, then I can claim that the nutbags blew up the shuttle, dammit!)
Dammit, looks like weather may scratch the launch today.
This is what’s wrong with America today. We spend billions of dollars trying to clean up after hurricanes, but not one damn cent on building a weather machine, which would not only prevent hurricanes from treating Florida like the bitch that it is, but also ensure pleasant days for shuttle launches.
We’ve been trying to get the blueprints from the Global Zionist Conspiracy, but they drive a hard bargin.
Dang! They scrubbed the launch because of a faulty sensor in the fuel tank.
Maybe tomorrow!
Frank J. jinxed it. Booooooo
chrth,
Do you know how many times I was disappointed by a delayed launch before Columbia?
Every delayed launch disappoints me. We need to get off this planet and settle others! Schnell! Schnell!
…especially now that the Comets will be looking for revenge…
Oops!
Not much funny much in the post.
You just marking time there Frank?
But I believe in the space program. Furthermore, I believe all Islamists we catch should be aimed “out there”, preferably in groups, so at least one can report if he’s seen Allah. Failing that, maybe we can hear their screams as aliens eat them.
Aliens are our friends. (Ihope).
According to Fox, they may not launch until Saturday. Yay! I’ll be down there this weekend and will have a chance to see it. Love them shuttle launches…love them safe landings even more!