Many people disagree with me. Some of those people even live in this great nation of ours. I call these disagreeable people “liberals.” Usually I find these people entertaining for they would walk around and say their crazy things and then I would throw stuff at them (often batteries) and laugh. But, in this time of war, there are more important things than laughing at people and throwing stuff at them. Plus, I need to save the batteries for emergency purposes if terrorists attack. These liberals only get in the way in time of war and make our troops and, more importantly, me angry. The many stupid dumb things they say only make this country worse. So we should round them up and put them into camps.
You’re probably saying, “Frank, you can’t just round up everyone who disagrees with you and put them in camps.” You are right. I need your help to do this. There are many people who need to be rounded up and they are not very bright and will be easily confused, so getting all these people rounded up will require many people, time, and patience. Plus, we will need trucks or something to bring these people to the camps after the rounding up. Alternatively, we’ll need large crates and postage.
“But won’t the liberals not like being rounded up and put in camps? Haven’t they been whining about that possibility for some time.” True, but you know how these people are. Right now they act like they don’t want to go to camp, but, by the end of summer, they’ll be begging to stay. Which is good because they’ll be in camp forever. Also, anyone who tries to escape will be shot in the face as is standard practice.
Camp will be great fun, too. They will have swimming, badminton, and macaroni art. They will also make wallets which you can buy. For those of you who are saying, “But I don’t want my money in anything those liberals touched!” that’s a bad attitude. Please support the camp because liberals tried hard to make these wallets. One activity in the camp was going to be reeducation, but then I saw how dumb liberals are and decided reeducation would be too hard. Instead of reeducation, there will be a three-legged race.
So where should the camps be? I don’t know, as I’m not good with geography. All I know is that I don’t want them near me because liberals whine a lot and I don’t want to have to hear that when I’m on my back porch smoking a cigar. Also, it could cause my dog to bark. Again, I’m not good with geography, so I’m not sure where not near me is. Someone who has a map should look up where I am and then not put the camps there.
This is a great plan that you should support. In this time of war, other countries will see America united together because everyone who doesn’t unite will be in camps. This will scare other countries and their leaders will pee themselves in public venues. The troops will be happy because everyone in America will support them and their mission because, once again, those who don’t support them will be in camps. Also, the troops will have new wallets.
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us and is the author of such books as “The Chronicles of Dubya Volume 1: The Defeat of Saddam” and “People Who Disagree with Me Should Be Hit with This Book” which is now available in hardcover edition.
I have a GMC Sierra pickup and volunteer to transport liberals to the camp until the wheels fall off!
I am not doing this unless you put it in the form of an Action Alert.
I am not doing this unless you put it in the form of an Action Alert.
Oh yeah. I need to do more of those or you people are going to stand around not knowing what to do.
I suggest the camps be on the ocean floor. What, you whiny leftards can’t breathe underwater? Well, you should have thought of that before you became a leftard!
(I sense another troll-a-lanche coming….)
Yeah, remember editorials tell us how to think, but action alerts tell us what to do.
If you cant keep that straight you will never have the same power the Kos and Streisands of the world have.
I say put one in the Northern Nevada desert. Say it’s “Burning Man” II. Tell them that this year they will be a burning a giant wooden Dubya statue. They will flock there in droves on their own. Close the door behind them! Of course, with their bicycles, broken-down volvos, and volkswagons, it’ll take a little longer.
The libs are always screaming about how they’re being oppressed, so we might as well oppress them. You should also call it a “Freedom Camp”. That’ll really make em angry.
Well, we had one great place, but we gave abu Ghraib back to the Iraqis.
Maybe we could enlarge Guantanamo? I mean, they’ve been whining that we were going to send them there anyway, why not make it a self-fulfilling prophecy?
We don’t have to listen to them whine and they get to say, “I told you so.”
That’s just win-win.
I have to admit, this is a much better idea than mine. Especially as I don’t know if all those disagreers would even want to go hunting with Cheney.
I think we could pull a six day war on them and get them to leave voluntarily. All we need is Iran to threaten nuking us. After hearing this the limp wristed lefties will scramble to leave. After they leave we close the borders and annihlate Iran. Then we would refuse their right of return that the UN thinks they should have. Which is extra funny because the UN would be abandoned.
I like this idea except for the volunteering aspect. If I’m gonna take time of my job to round up libtards I want compensation. I understand that I could probably do this during my time off, but I’m way too busy watching Firefly DVD’s and writing Lois and Clark nFic to spend my free time listening to some gorram libtard whining about being stuffed in the trunk of my car and having a fishing pole stuck in his eye.
I either expect a bounty to be set up or property rights, where I get to keep any of the suburban housing or expensive jewelry of the libtard I bring in. Guarantee me this and I’m in.
RE: Camp location
Let me be the first to suggest the obvious – France.
The other possibility is to get Mexico to accept Leftards in trade for Mexicans illeagal aliens. The Mexicans are generally harder working, smarter and have both better food and hygiene habits.
illegal
Darn I hate using microcrap explorer at work, Firefox has the built in real time spellcheck at home.
Liberals and competitive sports don’t mix well. For instance, if you have three-legged races in place of reeducation, you won’t get the liberals interested unless you give every participant a blue ribbon. I saw on the Discovery channel once something about how the Ruhr became the center of the world dye industry in the 1870s and 1880s when they started making all dyes with coal derivatives. Since the libs need lots of reeducation, substituting three-legged races for all of it will mean LOTS of blue ribbons… if dyes are still made from coal we might wind up with only 480 or so years’ supply of coal.
Not to worry, I have an alternate suggestion: there’s a fully prepared nuclear waste repository called Yucca Mountain somewhere near Harry Reid’s house (which must be far from Frank J’s, certainly further than normal ninja deployment range) which the liberals won’t let us use. Once we freeze enough of the liberals and stick them in there, opposition to putting nuclear waste there will dry up and we have a dual-use facility! Then all we have to do is remember to eventually get around to making sure reeducation technology keeps up with human-defreezing technology so by the time someone thaws the liberals out, our descendants will be prepared to deal with them. And build nuclear plants to stretch our coal reserves even further.
My initial reaction was that there was really no place to put all the Libs until it occurred to me that nobody really likes the French all that much anyway – but then there’re all those African countries that are underdeveloped where the mostly broken down old VWs and bicycles would be luxury vehicles and these places have all kinds of diseases and the liberals are ALWAYS blathering on about how SOMEBODY should do something about it – although I suspect they don’t actually see themselves as the “somebody” in question – but now would be their chance to really BE someone who makes a difference REALLY instead of in their own puny little minds!
That would leave lots of room for the rest of us to spread out a little and stop getting on each other’s nerves. Personally, there’s that nice house that Aaron Spelling built and I think my two cats could manage to get lots of exercise running around that place!
I think mexico is indeed the obvious choice. It’s not as though we’d be displacing any mexicans in the process; most of them are already here, doing the work tha libtards won’t do for minimum wage or more. Now THAT’S fair trade.
Oh, and I can drive any forklift you supply, but I agree with shimauma: I want some recompense for any services rendered, maybe some free wallets or a couple of those Cafe Press shirts.
You’re all ignoring the obvious. Just fence off the boarderline of California, Oregon and Washington, since a good number of them already reside there. Just before you put up the fence, just advertise that all 3 states have leagalized and are handing out free marajuana, and the rest will come running.
Great post, Frank, but I’ll have to dissagree with you on one thing…
(Knock Knock)
…excuse me for a minuit.
Hello?
Are you ze one zat dissagree with Frank?
Yeah, but…Ahhh! Oww! Get offa..hey! Hellllllllp***
“‘…People Who Disagree with Me Should Be Hit with This Book,’ which is now available in hardcover edition.”
lol! way awesome!
There are many people who need to be rounded up and they are not very bright and will be easily confused, so getting all these people rounded up will require many people, time, and patience.
Nah. All we have to do is say we are offering rides to a Phish concert/ant-Bush rally/Hillary and Sheehan mud wrestling event and they’ll hop right on in. Fish in a barrel my friend.
Might I propose also that we use ANWR for the camp site? We can keep them away from the rest of us AND get them to drill for oil for free. And they’ll get to be near those cute little animals they love so much. Aren’t Kodiacs native to that area?
We can’t use ANWR since we would be in trouble for providing the bears with too much fatty food- then PETA would come from around the world after us.
We can’t use Guantanamo, because most of the Lefties have been trying to join Castro already.
I recommend that we hold them in Death Valley. If we tell them that the place just needs love to bloom, they will fight each other to get in. Besides, if they become too obnoxious there, we can blow Hoover Dam and drown them in the lowest elevation on the continent.
Man, if this goes into effect I will BUY an 18 wheeler, pay for the gas to operate it, and volunteer my time to round these morons up!
Plus I can operate heavy machinery like forklifts, too! If you soup them up you can use them to “spear” those that try to run away!!
Mexico sounds like a good place to take them. Let them go there and screw the country up even more.
Barring that, I like DesertElephant’s idea of ANWR.
P.S. My answer was “satire.”
Just in case.
You never know.
Writer,
PETA would be in the camps. So we wouldn’t have to listen to them. I’m telling you, making the libtards drill for oil in ANWR is a win/win. And it’s environmentally friendly as we WILL be providing the animals with a ready and easy to catch food source.
Pick an African country with a bloody civil war going on (heck, just throw a dart), set up a phony benefit concert by U2, Springsteen et al, then sit back and watch the fun as they get beheaded swearing they marched in Selma with Dr. King…
We could always send them to Antartica, tell them they have to hold the glaciers together to fight global warming or something, like in State of Fear.
It seems that I disagree with you, Frank. What do you plan to do about that?
Outsource the camps to China, Libs seem to really get along well with them – Whispering back and forth and all. Or maybe outsource to Russia – they have all this space in the north country that got emptied out when the commies left – we could fill it up with commies again.
Why do we need to ship them internationally? Why not establish the camps in Kansas and Nebraska? Put them in the heartland and let them learn what life is like for most the Americans in “flyover country” that the scoff at so much. Maybe by doing that, the re-education will take care of itself.
Three legged races won’t work…losers of the race will have their “feelings hurt” and liberals are all about feelings. How about never ending Group Encounter Sessions for the detainees…it would be Nirvanna for the “Euphorians”…they would never want to leave!
Shimauma – or, we could send them to that island in the South Pacific (the one from State of Fear)… made me giggle when the cannibals ate the stupid libtard.
Ah, good times.
Sending them to France or Antarctica, while an ideal solution, simply isn’t cost-effective. If we cut down on costs using Pork & Beans’ suggestion and send them to the northern Nevada desert, then we have more money for important things, such as nukes and SUVs. (Or in my case, an SUV that’s a nuke)
Oh, and instead of three-legged races, how about some board games?
Basilisk,
Nice find. That has to be the gayest game in the history of ever. The libtards will be entertained for hours. That is until someone shares an idea that violates groupthink. Then we can sell pay-per-view tickets to the bitchslap fight that ensues. Win/Win.
my first idea, aqnd I’m shocked no one listed it yet … their idea of nirvana – Cuba!
Offer free trips and we wouldn’t have to round them up … we’d have to beat them off the boats. (I don’t want them to drown … I want the joy of seeing them try to exist with state run education, medicine and media … LOL.
As an antileftie … I volunteer my skills (albeit from decades ago) driving WMD (forktrucks, earthmovers, trucks) and I’ll forgo any compensation as I wouldn’t want anything to get in the way of the years of entertainment!
I think the reason Go Goddess never caught on was because women had more important uses for “C” cells…