Here at IMAO, we don’t want you to catch a cold or anything,

Before your lawyer fact-checks us, or the media slaps us with a lawsuit, we’d like to say that we don’t know everything about health. We’d like to say that, but it isn’t true.

You have to take care of your health! Here’s how: don’t touch or breathe in anything. This is tough in these trying times, and certainly in your kitchen, but if you follow these simple guidelines you will survive until 2128, which has its own downside.

The cough, the common cold — and its Biden cousin, undue influenza — have been with us for years, and have even taken lives, kind of grossly. You don’t want to be in that number, no matter how jazzy it sounds in a marching band in crime-ridden New Orleans or even more crime-ridden Disneyland.

Avioding those two places is suggestion number one for living a prolonged life.

Suggestion number two is don’t try to get ahead in politics like Kamala Harris did. Blecch.

Nowadays, you also have to worry about a disease called COVID. Not much is known about it, since it hasn’t been in the news very much. But the fact that it is spelled in all capital letters should alert you to the fact that it matters.

You should breathe your own exhalations, and under no circumstances visit loved ones even if they are dying. And you should let strangers mail in votes to your district, whether or not they live there. Because verifying that would be racist.

I think that about covers your health. Oh, and don’t ask anyone about their AIDS status, but ask everyone you know about their vaccination status. Yes, that’ll do it.

Also, if you go to the Olympics, pay attention to this warning which has since been removed from the CNN website. I don’t know why CNN removed it, but they did:

An Olympic Runner Says a Tainted Burrito She Ate Led to Positive Test for Steroid Use
CNN | 6/16/2021 | Jill Martin and Hollie Silverman

Olympic runner Shelby Houlihan said she has been banned from the sport for four years following a positive test for anabolic steroids that she attributes to eating a pork burrito. Houlihan said she was devastated to learn of the suspension from the Athletics Integrity Unit (AIU), an independent body that combats doping, after she tested positive for nandrolone.

Houlihan said in a post on Instagram Monday that a burrito she ate before the test contained pig organ meat, or offal, which she said can lead to a positive test for nandrolone. A study funded by the World Anti-Doping Agency (WADA)…

If you have to go before WADA, consider your life choices.