In unrelated news, the US national debt just doubled.
…and contestants felt a great disturbance in their Sports, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. They’d better get on with their exercises.
…and all American contestants canceled their plans to sing the national anthem out of fear of reprisal.
…and for the first time in her life, she will be proud of London.
… Barack is hoping she’ll bring back either an English Bulldog or an English Wolfhound; either one is sure to be tastier than the French Poodle or Chihuahua from her previous vacations.
…. to let all athletes know that they didn’t earn their medals; the government did. Then she’ll take them and redistribute them to the athletes who don’t make the podium.
… and while we all foot the bill for her, Air Force 1, and all the personnel who travel with her Barry will be at home talking about how it’s the Republicans who spend money wastefully.
…but she still hasn’t decided which country she’ll be proud of.
…occupying several seats at each venue with her big fat aaaaaaaa…
…because she enjoys watching the little people exercise.
…making sure no one sells sugary beverages or Twinkies.
…apologizing on behalf of the United States.
…complaining about all the Joooooos at home and abroad.
. . . and she’s favored for the gold medal in the nagging event.
to make them “special.”
…which will make it much harder to find a hotel that still has any rooms available.
…making the one-eyed Olympic mascot the second-weirdest thing you’ll see all week.
…competing in the fat kid toss.
@Iowa Jim: If she doesn’t win gold in the Nagging event, she’s sure to medal in Synchronized Bitching.
and will dominate the Sumo competition.
…lecturing the sumo wrestlers about their weight.
…and the organizers have asked her to participate in a brand new event: The Javelin Catch.
But she won’t be participating in the b r o a d jump. Too broad.
The Secret Service is coordinating with MI5 to secure venues and hookers.
…and her staff is bringing blue ribbons to hand out to all athletes so they don’t feel bad about losing.
…to pass along a message from her husband to all the gold medal winners…”you didn’t win that.”
She will be competing in fencing, but instead of a foil she will be using her families ancient bat’leth
…and it’s rumored that her presence will attract pigeons of the Muslim persuasion.
In unrelated news, the US national debt just doubled.
…and contestants felt a great disturbance in their Sports, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. They’d better get on with their exercises.
…and all American contestants canceled their plans to sing the national anthem out of fear of reprisal.
…and for the first time in her life, she will be proud of London.
. . . asking athletes about their country’s main vacation destinations.
She will be running a marathon for the Klingons.
… to represent the U.S. in the equestrian jumping competition; her rider has yet to be announced.
representing Betelgeuse in the dog eating competition.
… because all English cooking tastes like tofu
since Barack pulled the short straw and has to compete with Joe at the Special Olympics in synchronized gaffing.
where she will be in charge of spreading the medals around.
. . . to lecture Holley Mangold on appropriate nutritional choices.
where she will be competing with Sarah Jessica Parker against Ann Romeny in Horse Ballet. No word yet on who will mount whom in Team Parker/Obama.
so she can take advantage of Britain’s top notch, free dental care.
to lecture the locals on the health hazards of bangers and mash.
so she can observe the Queen and practice for her inevitable monarchy. Just needs to shred The Constitution a little bit more.
so she can update the speeches on the Queen’s ipod.
… Barack is hoping she’ll bring back either an English Bulldog or an English Wolfhound; either one is sure to be tastier than the French Poodle or Chihuahua from her previous vacations.
…so she can deliver a fresh iPod with her husband’s recent speeches to the Queen.
Wait. That’s not funny.
…because she agreed to a rematch where the Queen
touches</strike bitch-slaps her.…Oops.
…to get the heck out of D.C. which literally stinks this time of year.
because Barak wants some alone time with Bo.
…trying to score some ‘roids.
…on your dime.
Michelle Obama will be at the Olympics… Standing behind the athletes making her scary face. Should be a big year for the golds.
Hey it works for the baby crawl at the county fair.
…because Barry heard that there was a good Pounds for Euros exchange rate.
…so the structural engineers who designed the stadium are recalculating the maximum loading capacity of the stands where she will watch.
because Barak was too scared to visit a country where only the criminals had guns.
…. to let all athletes know that they didn’t earn their medals; the government did. Then she’ll take them and redistribute them to the athletes who don’t make the podium.
… and while we all foot the bill for her, Air Force 1, and all the personnel who travel with her Barry will be at home talking about how it’s the Republicans who spend money wastefully.
because even she is trying to distance herself from Barak’s compaign.
… to give nasty looks to the McDonald’s employees who are using their evil food to poison the bodies of the world’s athletes!
… where she will be ridden by Tina Konyot in the Dressage competitions.
…But she hasn’t decided yet if she’s competing for Kronos or Kashyyyk.
but don’t worry. The olympics are in London, they don’t have any good tasting food anyway.
She might make you eat a high hurdle for the fiber.
her husband is too busy avoiding the NAACP to go.
she’s entered in the hot dog eating event at the special olympics.
I’m worried our flag bearer will break ranks, run up the stairs, and beat the crap out of her with old glory. That might stain the flag!
. . . and she’s our best hope in the Greco-Wookie wrestling competition.
. . . in Chicago.
Fell in the pool. Drained it. Caused cancellation of all water events.
Proving the Doctor Who episode about the Olympics, “Fear Her”, was a dramatization of a real life event.
nah, that’s just NBA star Patrick Ewing. Easy mistake to make.
to toss out some golden apples.
She is expected to win three Golds, Two Silvers and no fewer than four Bronzes.
Michelle Obama will be at the Olympics… Aw heck. There’s just nothing funny about that.
Michelle Obama Will Be at the Olympics. When did we get a new national holiday?
Michelle Obama Will Be at the Olympics. Now it’s the American athletes’ turn to refuse to take the field in protest.
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Grab a burger, fries and a shake while she’s distracted.