I’m really getting tired of hearing uninformed people try and tell me that what the House of Representatives was doing by excluding funding for Obamacare in the budget they passed to the Senate is unconstitutional. Clearly, these people haven’t read the Constitution. I realized that we really need to do something as a society to get people to actually read our founding documents again, and that was when I had an idea about how to accomplish just that. When my seminary teacher told the class not to bother reading Song of Solomon because it was dirty, what was the first thing we all did? We went home and read Song of Solomon, and it wasn’t nearly as titillating as advertised. I think what we need to do to get young people to read our founding documents is to give them that same sexual mystique to pique the interest of the youth. I’m thinking a sexy new ad campaign highlighting the steamier quotes from the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. Something like this, read by either a sultry, throaty woman or a Bill Clinton southern drawl:
- In order to form a more perfect union
- That all men … are endowed by their Creator
- He has called together … bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant … for the sole purpose of fatiguing them
- For… repeatedly…opposing with manly firmness his invasions
- Remaining in the mean time exposed to all … convulsions within
- He has erected… swarms of officers to harrass our people (Bill Clinton’s personal favorite passage)
- For quartering large bodies
- The House of Representatives shall be composed of members
- The President shall have power to fill up all vacancies (I’m pretty sure this is the primary reason Bill got into politics)
Way more arousing then Twilight.
I don’t know; that’s still not up to comparing your beloved to a deer.
Well, okay, equal to a deer, but not sheaves of wheat.
Ya. Turns out the founding documents were really lacking in imagery and othere literary devices. Who woulda think it?
When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
New Translation:
When your baby don’t love you no more. When the spark that ignited the flames of your passion slowly dissolves away to long forgotten embers you want to shout out that you’re back on the market and ready for love once again. Love on your own terms, in your own time. Love, ageless and tender, like the first kiss bestowed upon the virgin lips of a sweet damsel. When that time arrives you know you must explain for those who have never loved and lost why you have found the need to get backin the game with your mojo humming and remind the ladies why they called you the Ambassador D’ L’Amour.
It appears to me that the House of Representatives (as well as most other political establishments) is in fact composed of members.