"Bing Crosby" is a name we all accept as perfectly normal

— FRANKenCENSE Lowery (@kenlowery) December 11, 2013

Isn't it weird how we PARK in a DRIVEway, but I'll probably DIE in my LIVING room?

— M.A.H. Humbug (@markhoppus) December 11, 2013

Activists doth protest too much, methinks

— Billy Ho Ho Hosewood (@hawwhit) December 11, 2013

This Clif bar gives me the strength and endurance I need to finish this box of Oreos

— Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) December 11, 2013

[renegade mom starts dryer with full lint trap, puts on shades and walks away slowly from a potential explosion]

— Ceej (@ceejoyner) December 12, 2013

Cheats on taxes. Wins taxes back. Starts family with taxes. Taxes never truly trust again.

— Tommytoughstuff (@Tommytoughstuff) December 12, 2013