[Apple meeting] We need an honest iPhone 6 slogan. "How about, iPhone 6: Yesterday's technology at tomorrow's prices." Too honest, Carl.

— Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) September 10, 2014

In case you questioned how brave I am, I fell off the couch when I woke up from a nap because I thought my hoodie string was a snake.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 11, 2014

If a gang attacks U say you're on their side & U brought them "gang supplies". They'll let you go to the car to get the supplies. Drive away

— George Wallace (@MrGeorgeWallace) September 11, 2014

Bugs Bunny is super annoying and he's still the world's most tolerable vegan.

— Brian Essbe (@SortaBad) September 11, 2014

I hope I'm important enough someday to answer the phone with, "Talk to me"

— Nikki Walter (@TurboGrandma) September 11, 2014