I could (possibly) vote for McCain, IF… He does each of the following:
Been a while since we had an open thread. So as a Christmas gift to you, loyal IMAOans, Here’s one.
Hope the day finds each of you well and happy and warm and fed.
Political meanderings aside. This does seem to be the time of year that each of us is not only encouraged, but expected to do the right thing. To forgive, to give, to accept, to share, to love, to welcome and to include.
Really, what’s nicer than that?
Many Bothan spies died to bring us this script.
“Hello, How Are You?”
Written by me, Mike Huckabee
Setting: Wide pan of that room where I put all the stuff I took from the governer’s mansion.
Voice over: “I’m Mike Huckabee and I endorse this message.” While I look thoughtfully at the big round thing with all the countries on it, that turns.
Transition to close up of my face as I am now I’m seated on a stack of hard drives and servers.
“I’m running for President, I want to tell you something. I want to tell you Hello. And how are you doing?
[pause, make puppy dog eyes]
[serious] Many people say it as a empty meaningless platitude.
[shake head, sadly] and are indifferent to any response they get. [earnest] But I truly DO mean it, from the depths of my eternal soul.
I’ll say it again, Hello. How are YOU doing?
[pause for it to sink in that I emphasized, YOU]
[confident, chins up] When I am president, Americans will again mean it when THEY say it. [pound fist on something]
By law. Yes you will then be bound by federal ordinace to listen and nod empathetically as those you have greeted provide a litany of perceived grievances or blessings. When they are finished you will, in turn, provide them with your personal litany of perceived grievances or blessings and they will be bound to listen and empathize as well.
That’s what a hello is all about. [earnest eyes] By meaning and listening,
[wide motion with hands, broad smile at “better place”]
we will all make America a better place.
Again I’m Mike Huckabee, Hello. How are you doing? Have a nice day. [nod] And I mean that too. [smile, wink]”
Voice Over: Just like Jesus, Mike Huckabee loves you. He’s not afraid of the hard questions.
Confused? Reference: this Ad by Mike.
Though it may be unpopular to some who are obviously motivated by racial bigotry, I support a path to citizenship for illegal aliens. This path will provide the fair shake they deserve and does not discriminate against them based on their race, creed, country of origen, or wetness of back. This enlightened path will lead them home, a home where local culture is respected.
Many illegal immigrants are hard working souls. The miniscule amount of work this path requires of them shouldn’t scare them even a little bit. If it does, then well maybe they aren’t nearly as hard working as we’ve been led to believe.
A Path To Citizenship.
Step 1: The path starts where the illegal immigrant currently is. It will vary from individual to individual. This is an obvious step because if it started somewhere else there would be no way for these hard working, well intentioned people to begin.
Step 2: Next the path to citizenship leads to a country where they hold legal citizenship. This part of the path should be simple for the illegal immigrant to identify and follow as it can involve the same means of transportation that brought them to the Step1 location. Answers to questions such as “where was I born” and “where do I send my checks?” will be clues to locating a suitable country. This is an important step as it removes their illegal status as well as their immigrant status. What if they are very far from a land where they have citizenship? Good news! The path also does not discriminate on the basis of distance to the illegal immigrant’s home country. The path to citizenship did not drag them here, the path will however drag them out of here.
Step 3: The path proceeds to a US consulate or embassy in the nation they end up at (see step 2). On arrival there, the intended emigrees should be escorted directly to the back of the line. This is the traditional and time honored place in line that they have earned. There is no skipping down the path or in the line! The work begins here and it’s paperwork. A process has been designed to enable them to petition for legal entry into the U.S. The document created by this process is called a VISA. Until a VISA is obtained the path ends, as it is the ticket for the rest of the path.
Step 4: Now that a VISA has been obtained, the path leads back to the U.S. through a legal border crossing or port of entry. There are several kinds of VISA but they will all allow foreign nationals to enter the U.S. 100% sneak-free! It is the document that an undocumented person doesn’t have. Some VISAs also permit non citizens to reside in the US legally for a set period of time limited by certain conditions such as law abidance, student status, employment and a few others.
Step 5: The path now doesn’t have a particular direction other than from a place of residence to a place of employment. But as long as they reside in the US for the period of time required by law, learn the native language, take and pass the citizenship test and swear the oath of citizenship, then they will have followed this novel path to citizenship.
It isn’t a perfect path but for over 231 years not uncounted and not untold thousands upon thousands of their former and our current countrymen and countrywomen have been using it successfully. We truly are a nation of immigrants. But If it were a nation of illegal immigrants we would not be one nation.
Illegals, Get A VISA,
We Don’t Offer American Express.
Spacemonkey is the author of such books as “No, te puede!”, “.45 Caliber Amnesty”, and “If Your Culture Is So Frickin’ Great, Why Can’t IT Make You A Job?” published under the pen name Celestial Simian.
Why shouldn’t you vote for McCain? All he wants is a chance to tick off everyone he hasn’t yet ticked off.
Look at everyone he’s royally teed off.
Someone out there is Hillary Clinton. Who is it? It could be you. Here’s ten ways to tell if you might be the PIAPS.
10) You want to run on your record, a record that is so impressive it can’t be released to the public until after you get reelected.
9) You know absolutely everything about absolutely everything unless it’s happens to have something to do with your campaign.
8) Your greatest political success was a by anyone else’s standards a spectacular failure of Biblical proportions.
7) You want to take take things away from people for their own good, and then occasionally have Norman Hsu pay them back.
6) Frost is something you’re used to seeing on your windows. On the inside.
5) You took diction lessons from Roseann Barr, and etiquette from Sasquatch.
4) You have a very simple and logical stances on the issues, and are flabbergasted when people try to pin you down to any one stance on any issue,
3) You tell women they don’t need a man to take care of them or to ride a man’s coat tails. Yet your entire success comes from being married to a man who took care of you while you rode his coat tails.
2) Your approach is marked by a stampede of woodland creatures, large and small.
And the number one way to tell you might be Hillary Clinton….
Continue reading ‘Top Ten Ways To Tell You Might Be Hillary Clinton’ »
