Frank Explains Things to Syria

The Syrian foreign minister Walid al-Moallem demanded an explanation for the raid by the US on its territory. Being that IMAO’s main job is to inform, I’ll try to explain things to him. Here’s the facts we had about Syria:

* The country is foreign, which is suspicious.

* The country is in the Middle East — also very suspicious.

* The country is full of Muslims, and, while we don’t like to profile, that is quite suspicious.

* We heard there are guns in the country, which is certainly a cause for concern in light of the other points.

So, adding that all together, Syria is a foreign country in the Middle East full of Muslims with guns. Sounds like they’re up to something to me, hence the raid.

I hope that explains things for you, Walid.

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15 Comments

  1. I’m glad you didn’t mention the ruins of a North Korean nuclear plant, because that is not suspicious at all. As a matter of fact, I was mowing my lawn yesterday, and discovered a North Korean nuclear plant and an ant hill out back by my hedges. Some D-Con took care of them both . . .

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  2. There was an interesting documentary on (I believe) The History Channel explaining how the Bathist party in Iraq and Syria were founded by and built on an alliance with Nazi Germany during WWII, and were designed to be nearly identical satellites in that region.

    I guess we could consider this the last mopping up operation after that “Mission Accomplished” banner was hung on the aircraft carrier in Tokyo Bay 63 years ago.

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  3. Don’t forget the very important fact that Syria has a foreign minister named “Walid”. Any country that has a government official named “Walid” should consider itself on the short list for “The Next Smoldering Crater”.

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  4. That is so damn ignorant! This “acticle” is full is mistakes and it is not even worth the time to explain anything!

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  5. Anyone else think Assad looks like Larry Bird? Bashir could put a whole can of Copenhagen in his lower lip and he still wouldn’t look like he had a chin. But Larry Bird was pretty cool, anyway. When leaders of foreign countries try to impersonate our sports heroes, we should bomb them. That’s the platform I’d run on.

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  6. Dear Soymilk,

    Do you dispute the fact that Syria is located in the Middle East? Any denials that there actually are guns located within the borders of Syria? Do you have anything to contradict the fact that “soymilk” is the weeniest screen handle since “Brokeback Luke”?

    Since it’s obvious that all three are true, we can be left with only one possible conclusion:

    You are a douchebag.

    Cheerio.

    Cptnmoroni

    P.S. He does look a lot like Larry Bird. We all know The One has mad ball skillz but I bet Assad could take him to school.

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  7. Allah is wise.
    Allah is all-knowing.
    Allah’s will prevails in all things.
    Therefore, it was Allah’s will that you got raided.

    Sheesh, Walid! Didn’t they teach you anything in that stupid Madressa that you attended!??

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  8. Waild, Here’s the explanaton.

    We will raid you yesterday, today and tomorrow and you’re not going to do a damn thing about it. Why? Because you’re all pussies in Syria. And when you piss off one of ours, we kill 8 of yours. Keep that in mind. Punk.

    PS – Suggest to Assad he try to not look so Homo.

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  9. I don’t know if it’s true , but I hear that after the raid Assad got a phone call- “I’m George Bush, and I approved this message!”

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