Mars Attacks

A monolith had been found on Mars, which means one of two things:

1) Somehow an usual rock formation occurred.

2) Alien civilization.

Occam’s Trent Reznor says the latter is the possibility we must assume is true.

I’ve long said we need to declare war on Mars, and then if we eventually find life we’ll be prepared. It may be too late for that now. Our only option is to nuke the moon and show Mars what we’re capable of. We’ll be like, “This is what happens to large things in range of us!” Then the martians will know their monolith won’t be able to protect them. Unless they have like four monoliths.

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33 Comments

  1. It’s a democrack trick to make us lose our focus…reinstalling the Dick Cheney death squads and dinosaur with laser weaponry. My suspicions were confirmed down in the Bat Cave when I re-re-enlarge the photo and saw graffiti “Barrack + Nancy = ???” Sorry I couldn’t make out the rest, but I’ll keep trying.

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  2. Actually, Obama has already dispatched Hillary to meet with the Martians and to apologize for all the racial hatred and atrocities (remember those experiments at Roswell??) that the United States has inflicted on Martians in the past. She will promise a new era of hope and enlightened cooperation between the Obama administration and the Martian race, inviting the aliens to become Obama’s first FFF (Facebook Friends Forever). In exchange he asks full support from the Martians for his health care initiative, including alien technology to undermine the “facist hatemongers trying to disrupt his new world order.” The Martians would, of course be included in the HR 3200 bill, bringing new meaning to the term “Universal Health Care.” It’ll be great.

    http://desertfreedom.blogspot.com/

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  3. We need to carefully investigate each and every case like this. Although not a believer myself, we should spend any funds needed to send our top scientists to study every situation with great all efforts. Because if even one thes turns out to be the real, Dere’s boogers out there !!

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  4. The Martians have a ‘Hybrid’ Martian here on earth. His name is Henry Waxman (formerly known as Bat Boy, in the Weekly World News). Given his voting record, we can be pretty sure that they mean to destroy us.>>> We were lucky to get a photo of the ‘monolith’, for it is a retractable communication antenna, through which the Martians communicate to their hybrids here on earth. I’m pretty sure Deepak Chopra is a hybrid, and he’s so brazen that he didn’t even change his Martian name (at least the pronouncable portion).

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  5. Turd 9 From Outer Space is most assuredly a camoflaged probe from the exiled Saturnian Surrender Monkeys now living on Uranus. They too can have only sinister intentions for Planet Earth. If they ever deduce that they will be Super-Strong, due to the Earth’s lesser gravitational force, compared to both Saturn and Uranus,it will hasten the attack on earth.Our best hope against the Saturnian Surrender Monkeys is to form an alliance with the Jupiterians already at war with the S.S.M.s

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  6. It’s quite simple really! Evolution! The monolith crawled out of the Mars primordial ooze and now sits waiting to evolve into a life form. We need to just give it another few gazillion years and a probability of chance factor that the new petaflop computer would blow chunks over… Cool!

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  7. “Then the martians will know their monolith won’t be able to protect them. Unless they have like four monoliths.”

    It’s not that I don’t trust you, but I’d like to see the math on this.

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  8. what if they’ve allied with monkeys?

    What if? For the love of god man, did you not see 2001? Of course they’re allied with monkeys. Liberal eyeball eating ones at that. Only on way to be sure…

    Go ahead Frank, push the button.

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  9. It’s not a monolith, you guys. Sheesh. It’s a box of Cheerios I sent by FedEx last week. We’re going to Mars for a trip next month and they don’t have any Cheerios and I didn’t want to be without on my vacation.

    So put down the nukes, Frank. Anyone who nukes my Cheerios will be put in time out. I’ll let you have them back when you calm down.

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  10. Little green invader from chicargo: Take me to your leader

    present hussein: Uh er Uh that would be me, if you will shutup and get out of the way.

    Little green invader: Hhahahahahaha,

    jorhay soros: Uh no zat would be mea. You will erect him now. I say so.

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  11. Mars-henge is kinda wimpy compared to Stonehenge. And we don’t know who built that or why either. Maybe Mars-henge was a practice run and Stonehenge the real deal. Or maybe it started as Mars-henge and they shipped the rocks to Stonehenge but got tired of that and left the last one behind. As in “Honey if you think I am packing one more rock, you have another think coming!”

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  12. The answer is obvious: It’s George Bush that put that monolith on mars (it’s an antenna) to help with illegal tapping of wireless communications. So THE OBAMA can go ahead and blame Bush for this also!

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