Creative War Plans
The Pentagon revealed that they often get e-mailed plans like parachuting bears into the Middle East the hunt down Osama bin Laden. So yeah, I e-mail the Pentagon my ideas in my spare time. Here are some other plans I’ve come up with:
CREATIVE WAR PLANS
* Send terrorists boxes labeled “guns” and “bomb making supplies.” What’s actually inside? All our nation’s squirrels!
* Create giant robots that eat people.
* Make our own flying saucer and land it in the Middle East so terrorists think they’re being visited by aliens. When the “aliens” come out of the UFO, the terrorists will rush to greet them and find out too late that they’re actually angry rottweilers in robes.
* Make a satellite that can throw rocks at people from space. Then terrorists will get hit in head with rocks and be like, “Where the hell did that come from?!” They’ll be totally freaked out!
* To hunt down and kill Osama bin Laden, send the Land Shark.
* Send the terrorists shipments of free sunglasses. Unbeknown to them, the sunglasses have no actual UV protection.
* Build next to the Pentagon a decoy Hexagon. You’ll have to carefully count the sides to make sure which one is the right one.
* Create a virus that turns people to zombies and release it in a terrorists stronghold. Just make sure it stays isolated to there as that’s where the trouble starts.
* Distribute free candy to children. The terrorists, being evil, will then steal the candy from the children. But the joke is on them because the candy is poison!
* Replace Osama with Obama to make all the terrorists plans ineffective.
What are your creative ideas you’ve sent the Pentagon?
(19 votes, average: 4.95 out of 5)
Loading ...
March 17th, 2010 at 1:29 pm
Encourage the passage of card-check legislation where terrorists operate. Then parachute in some SEIU organizers to get things started. When the terrorist groups are unionized, the terrorists (knowing that they cannot be fired) will become lazy and unmotivated. Plus, the purple SEIU shirts will make them easy to spot in the desert, thereby making them easier to kill. As an added bonus, increasing wages and benefits for the individual terrorists will cause the terrorist groups to go bankrupt in a couple years (hopefully to be replaced by non-unionized Walmarts).
March 17th, 2010 at 1:32 pm
* Get Frnak J. to write their company emails. They’ll be stricken with typos for years!
* Angry mother bears! With miniguns! The cubs will have LAWs!
* Continue secret funding of the Gaybomb.
March 17th, 2010 at 1:38 pm
* Spray enemy troops with bee pheromones, leave bee hives behind in general area!
* Snakes!
March 17th, 2010 at 2:06 pm
Candygram for Mongo! Candygram for Mongo!
(It worked before.)
March 17th, 2010 at 2:09 pm
* Saturate the countryside with inflatable goats.
* Swap Obama with Osama and then torture Osama with Biden’s non-stop, verbal drivel (a fate worse than death).
March 17th, 2010 at 2:09 pm
Fly in zombie Ted Kennedys to drive them around. Focus on waterways and bridges.
Mail them the islamic version of Playboy. You know, Playgoat. They open it to the centerfold and eek !! it’s Helen Thomas, Hillary Clinton, or Nancy Pelosi. They can;t terrorize if they are blind.
Spray thmn with cheeseburger scent and release Micahel Moore in the Mideast.
More rocket mounter dinos. Lot’s more.
March 17th, 2010 at 2:10 pm
Give them my typing skills. They’ll never make sense of their memos.
March 17th, 2010 at 2:33 pm
The B-52 Stratofortress, with its long loiter time and high payload, is perfect for delivery of multiple cruise missiles against strategic enemy targets. These cruise missiles will contain bats! Horrible, blood-sucking Common Vampire Bats!
March 17th, 2010 at 2:50 pm
Creative War Plans: 1)Nuke ‘em from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.
Strap torpedo launchers to trained Killer Whales. Recruit that Orca from SeaWorld Orlando, he’s a natural-born killer(whale).
2) Kill all the Bastards not wearing U.S. Military Uniforms, then come home.
3) All Female PMS Death Squads
4) Use more Napalm. You may not win, but it’ll smell like victory.
5) Bring back the Neutron Bomb.
6) “All your petroleum belongs to us.”
7) Stop sending U.S. Military to Haiti, unless it’s to perform Plan #2
9) Promote Gays in the ENEMY’s Military.
10) Use Code Pink as human shields.
March 17th, 2010 at 2:55 pm
ManBearPig FTW
March 17th, 2010 at 2:58 pm
Two words: demon sheep
March 17th, 2010 at 3:08 pm
Enact a campaign on health care reform.
March 17th, 2010 at 3:16 pm
Or we could send Obama over their to campaign for them.
March 17th, 2010 at 3:31 pm
Parachute drop the U.S. Congress on them. They should go broke and/or kill each other off within six months.
March 17th, 2010 at 5:26 pm
Simple solution. Send each terrorist a connect-the-dots picture of Mohammed. Every time one of them finishes connecting the dots and creates an illustration of Mohammed, he’ll immediately be stoned to death by the other Muslims around him.
March 17th, 2010 at 6:28 pm
Make them watch Matt Damon films!
March 17th, 2010 at 6:39 pm
*send the Land Shark with frickin’ lasers. Don’t forget the frickin’ lasers.
*Dick Cheney death squads would be nice. As added bonus: Will cause Olbermann’s head to explode.
March 17th, 2010 at 6:54 pm
Put them on the Unabomber’s mailing list.
What? Too old?
Damn kids, get off my lawn!
March 18th, 2010 at 12:01 am
Offer to buy all the Opium they can produce forever, turning them from angry militants to prosperous capitalists overnight.
Then ship opium to China. (it worked before).
Or distribute opium free to the worthless third of US population who always vote Democrat so they’ll get the h*ll out of our way.
It’d still be cheaper than Obamacare.
March 18th, 2010 at 5:44 am
[...] Creative war plans. Share and Enjoy: [...]
March 18th, 2010 at 9:44 am
Bat bombs. “nuff said
March 23rd, 2010 at 6:04 am
A friend of mine once actually started a website to collect creative war plans. One of my ideas was to create internet rumors that certain terrorist leaders were actually Israeli or CIA informants. Then it hit me, what if people actually were informants — it could get them killed. So maybe that is a bad freelance idea, but a good idea for the government.