The Most Offensive Toy in Britain

[High Praise! to Tongue Tied]

Per the Daily Mail:

A [British] luxury department store has apologised for selling wooden toy versions of Soviet-era rocket launchers. London store Liberty was forced to pull the £23.50 toy from is shelves following a number of complaints, with some describing it as “vile” and “tasteless”.

It’s… a TOY.

What in the world are they objecting to?

I speculate thusly:

* It’s pink, the official color of breast-cancer awareness, but doesn’t have the official awareness ribbon. Sexist.

* Poor craftsmanship. Huge gap between the launcher & the bed of the truck. Shoddy, shoddy work, fellas!

* Wheels are attached by Phillips-head screws. The cross-shape of the slots has obvious [and OFFENSIVE!] Christian overtones.

* It’s pink, the official color of girls. Are you calling Soviet communists a bunch of girls just because they lost the Cold War like a bunch on young non-males who wear dresses and daisy-patterned underwear?

* It’s a Soviet-era rocket launcher, but it lacks any markings to identify it as communist, such as “CCCP” or “Forward.”

* Unlike real Soviet rockets, the ends of the wooden toy rockets aren’t honed to a fine point capable of putting a child’s eye out. How can we teach our children to blink in the presence of incoming eyeball-targeted projectiles if there are no real-world consequences?

* All the edges and corners are rounded off. Much like eyeball-targeted pointy projectiles, splinters encourage character, wisdom, and prudence.

* It’s made from the same wood as Gibson guitars.

* 3am barefoot-parent bathroom-in-the-dark toe-stubbing hazard.

* Patently deceptive, yet extremely cool, atomic mushroom-cloud on the box the toy comes in. The missiles that come with the toy are only designed to air-burst, which creates a spherical explosion.

Yeah, it’s a piece of junk.

Stick with Buckyballs.

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  1. It’s pink, the official color of breast-cancer awareness, but doesn’t have the official awareness ribbon. Sexist.

    It’s pink AND it shoots phallic symbols. Very confusing. (See also Operation Petticoat)


  2. Clearly, what is objectionable is that someone will pay 23 pounds for a block of wood I could make in 15 minutes and for about $2 worth of materials. Place your orders now.


  3. Are there air vents, and holes for putting lighter fluid beneath each projectile? Details matter, even with toys.


  4. That’s odd. Obama just announced a deal to purchase some of these for our military at $888,000,000.99 each.


  5. Roger – Huh. I’m embarrassed to say that thought hadn’t crossed my mind, and now that you mention it, it just seems perfectly obvious.

    Good call.



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