Straight Line of the Day: After Being Awarded Father of the Year, Bill Clinton…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
After being awarded Father of the Year, Bill Clinton…
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January 11th, 2013 at 12:04 pm
… celebrated by taking Chelsea’s best friend out for drink.
January 11th, 2013 at 12:05 pm
…paid off the National Father’s Day Council for changing ‘ad’ in his award title to an ‘r’
January 11th, 2013 at 12:06 pm
…made his case that he should also be named 2013 Astronaut of the Year.
January 11th, 2013 at 12:07 pm
…offered Mitt Romney advice on how to raise his ‘boys.’
January 11th, 2013 at 12:07 pm
…bought a case of cigars
January 11th, 2013 at 12:10 pm
…won the Nobel Peace Prize
January 11th, 2013 at 12:11 pm
…said hey, how about that, first black president to win “father of the year”!
January 11th, 2013 at 12:11 pm
…gave an impromptu two hour statement.
January 11th, 2013 at 12:11 pm
was glad they never found out about his other children.
January 11th, 2013 at 12:12 pm
. . . made the scene at all the local singles’ bars
January 11th, 2013 at 12:13 pm
…took Chris Dodd out to La Brasserie for a celebratory Waitress Sandwich
January 11th, 2013 at 12:13 pm
… did like every other day, asked all the women he met “who’s your daddy?”
January 11th, 2013 at 12:14 pm
…went on a rant about gun control
January 11th, 2013 at 12:14 pm
…said “HAH! take that, Gore!”
January 11th, 2013 at 12:19 pm
…changed his name to Darth Bubba
January 11th, 2013 at 12:19 pm
…send copies of the award to Al Gore and John Edwards
…explained the win by saying “well, it depends on what the meaning of the word “father” is”
…said “wanna throw in one of those weight loss awards while youre at it?”
…said “wait, I’m a FATHER????”
January 11th, 2013 at 12:25 pm
was shocked; after all “I did not have sex with that woman.”
tripped over the lowered bar for parental standards.
thanked all the nannies, au pairs, and interns that made his fathering years so much less stressful.
January 11th, 2013 at 12:26 pm
… celebrated the victory of quantity over quality.
January 11th, 2013 at 12:28 pm
…returned Chris Matthews leg tingle.
January 11th, 2013 at 12:29 pm
…said to Hillary, “I’ve upped my parenting standards, so now up yours.”
January 11th, 2013 at 12:34 pm
…carries it around and uses it as a pick-up line.
…had his **** bronzed.
…tweeted “in your face!” to Travis Henry.
January 11th, 2013 at 12:44 pm
…said, they’re not all mine! Honestly!
…thought to himself: huh, I didn’t even have *sex* with the year.
January 11th, 2013 at 12:45 pm
That should be, “Fodder of the Year”.
January 11th, 2013 at 12:47 pm
…celebrated by paying his “date” for some “extras”.
January 11th, 2013 at 1:05 pm
Said “see I told you hillary was straight, now where are the interns?”
January 11th, 2013 at 1:14 pm
…was impressed by the low-altitude flyover by a squdron of pigs in his honor.
January 11th, 2013 at 1:15 pm
…was asked by reporters,”how’s Hillary’s head”? to which he replied, “OK, but not as good as Monica”
January 11th, 2013 at 1:40 pm
@john callow, #27: Winner winner,
chickenbacon dinner.January 11th, 2013 at 1:48 pm
…he zipped up his pants and said “You better put some ice on that”.
January 11th, 2013 at 1:57 pm
…celebrated with a fine cigar.
January 11th, 2013 at 1:57 pm
…thank the mothers’ of his children.
January 11th, 2013 at 2:05 pm
…held up a paper bag and said “Heh, I had to use this when we conceived her too”.
…professed some shock because most Democrats take a hands on approach to children.
…just kept on ruining other peoples daughters.
…tried to talk Chaz Bono into a dress and returned to humping the podium.
January 11th, 2013 at 2:15 pm
. . . began looking for more “mothers”.
January 11th, 2013 at 2:18 pm
…made a call out to Nadya Suleman
January 11th, 2013 at 2:28 pm
…turned yellow.
January 11th, 2013 at 2:52 pm
…pulled out the cigar, lit it, left a $100 bill on the nightstand, and walked out.
January 11th, 2013 at 3:06 pm
…asked if that came with a “happy ending.”
January 11th, 2013 at 3:27 pm
…held the award in his hand and replied “Only one?”
January 11th, 2013 at 3:41 pm
Says a prayer of thanks for services rendered by the late Vince Foster.
January 11th, 2013 at 3:42 pm
… Was puzzled that the awards didn’t have a hole in it.
January 11th, 2013 at 4:43 pm
. . . went out to father more children.
January 11th, 2013 at 4:44 pm
…immediately filed a lawsuit against TROJAN.
January 11th, 2013 at 5:10 pm
…thought about it for a moment then said, “Ah! You must be referring to Chelsea!”
January 11th, 2013 at 5:13 pm
Tried to start another family with an intern so he could win again next year.
January 11th, 2013 at 5:32 pm
… asked Hillary for directions to that village that did all the work.
January 11th, 2013 at 7:44 pm
….began to once again ask any woman that crossed his path, “Who’s your daddy?”
January 12th, 2013 at 12:25 am
…immediately upgraded his Ashley Madison account to “Platinum” status.
…immediately upgraded his Ashley Madison profile to “Stud Puppy” status.
January 12th, 2013 at 7:12 am
refused to pick up the award because there’s a dna test involved.
January 12th, 2013 at 12:13 pm
…immediately became the leading nominee for the “deadbeat dad of the year” award
…smiled, said “ohhh yeah” nodded his head and had a cigar
…called Obama and said “and now there’s one more thing you’ll never do as well as me”
…called Gennifer Flowers and asked ” it wasn’t you, was it?”
January 12th, 2013 at 7:20 pm
Said,(with boyish charm,and a slow drawl)…”well, that depends on what the meaning of “OF”, is… B)
January 16th, 2013 at 7:07 pm
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