Archive of entries posted on 2nd January 2013
New Year’s Resolutions for Liberals
Ban Scary Toy Guns!
[High Praise! to The People’s Cube]
Yeah, this is a real thing.
Actually I support this effort. Hand this certificate to your kid after you buy him his first real gun.
You’ve Been Judged!
Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…” and “Upon returning to work this week after her illness, Hillary Clinton…”
Click here to see if you made the cut.
If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.
If you didn’t, he’s got another straight line for you to practice on.
Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.
Taxing You for Not Paying a Tax
[High Praise! to The Real Revo]
From The Seattle Times:
Owners of electric cars in Washington state don’t buy gasoline or pay gas taxes, but they’re soon going to be hit with a $100 fee to own the battery-operated cars.
A section of Washington state law that takes effect [on Feb 1, 2013] will require electric-car owners to pay a $100 annual fee for road and highway improvements, intended to compensate for the gas taxes they no longer pay.
Part of me wants to giggle with malice and schadenfreude.
Part of me wants to dress up like an Indian and start tossing electric cars into Boston Harbor (or Puget Sound, as the case may be).
Link of the Day: Satire – We Need Reasonable Limitations on the First Amendment
[High Praise! to Transterrestrial Musings]
Excerpt:
This past weekend, just to demonstrate how easy it is to lay hands on such dangerous equipment, I exploited the notorious “computer show loophole,” and went out to the big show in Pomona, California. There, I saw entire halls filled with purveyors of high-speed idea processors, rapid-fire printers, and even modems capable of transmitting thoughts at frightening rates, up to gigabytes per second. For only $4.99, with not so much as an ID requirement, let alone a background check, I was able to purchase an “assault keyboard,” with several internet hotkeys. It was fully automatic-holding down any key would result in a torrent of characters being spit out, hundreds per minute. I even saw teenaged children buying them.
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
Say, Isn’t There Already a Law About This?
[High Praise! to Theo Spark]
Wisdom of the Day: Mayan Sideburns Common Ground Awards Bill
Turns out the Mayan apocalypse was inside each of us all along.
— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) December 21, 2012
The guy who invented the mohawk was originally just trying to get his sideburns the same length.
— Bryan Donaldson (@TheNardvark) December 21, 2012
There remains zero evidence that Obama has any clue how to find common ground with people who disagree with him.
— Dan McLaughlin (@baseballcrank) December 22, 2012
The value of a profession to society is inversely proportional to the number of awards it gives itself.
— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) December 29, 2012
I think the chances of us having a non-suck bill ended on November 6.
— Ben Howe (@BenHowe) January 1, 2013
What Happens When You Take Guns Away From Everyone Except Law Enforcement Personnel
Frank J.’s New Year’s Resolutions
I like New Year’s resolution because I firmly believe in that I should become more awesome every year until the day I die (which I predict will be from me literally exploding with awesomeness). So here are my resolutions for this year:
* I will get more vengeance against my enemies.
* I will capture Bigfoot (even though I suspect him to just be a large, hairy Canadian).
* I will have more pens around the house so I don’t have to go looking for a working pen. I mean I know I don’t use pens much anymore since mainly I take notes on my iPad, but still, every once in a while it would be nice to be sure pens are nearby.
* I will take more enjoyment out of the simple things in life, like headbutting.
* I will take all the elements that make food taste better (cheese, gravy, bacon, ranch dressing, butter, being fried) and make one super food using them all.
* Less talking, more roundhouse kicking to the face.
Well, that seems like some good ones. What are some other resolutions that will help one become more awesome?
Straight Line of the Day: Overheard at the White House New Year’s Eve Party…
A Lot of Arguing Over How Much Nothing We Were Going to Do
So if you were in suspense of exactly how we were going to avoid both the fiscal cliff and doing anything productive about the deficit, it’s all over… at least until March. Despite all the arguing, there wasn’t actually a bill out there that made us magically able to afford all the government we have now; I just don’t get all this conflict when it’s all over to what degree do we not take the problems of our bloated government seriously. Plus, it’s obvious Obama didn’t even care anything about the deficit and just wanted taxes raised on the “rich” to placate his dummy supporters. Man, is that guy absolutely useless. In the future, we’ll look on people who voted to reelect Obama in the same way we today look at blatant racists from the 60s — that’s just stupidity to the point it’s a moral failing.
So what now? It’s obvious nothing much good is going to happen in the next four years, so we will just bide our time and plot our revenge — that being a a truly fair budget plan. A plan in which the federal government’s budget is actually balanced and all of Congress responsible for the deficit and Obama will be imprisoned for treason and have all their assets confiscated. That will be my vow as president when elected in 2016.
Frank J. 2016: REVENGE!!!!
Random Thoughts: Leftover Thoughts from Last Year
If you want common sense on guns, then you need to admit gun free zones only help mass shootings.
It’s time to make people for gun control answer for the blood on their hands.
I’m not sure armed guards at every school is workable. Just get rid of gun free zones where you don’t have TSA type measures to enforce it.
The NRA proposals are stupid and unworkable but still more realistic than anything so far from the gun control side.
How about, as American citizens, we all learn to be responsible with and carry guns like that militia things says in the 2nd Amendment?
The NRA idea is stupid. Let’s ban assault weapons so people are only shot with non-scary looking guns (unless the criminal gets a preban).
We have 40+ states with right to carry and they’re just fine with it. What’s the problem with just letting people carry everywhere?
I don’t get this idea that you’re fine with a gun at the supermarket or bank but a menace at a school or a post office.
Are the left not aware there are millions of ordinary citizens walking around with guns right now and the world isn’t ending?
We need to attack the idiocy of “gun free zones” that aren’t enforced with armed guards and metal detectors. It’s just so stupid.
Just to be clear on how rights work, we have a right to bear arms whether there is a 2nd Amendment or not.
So are the left scared that if police are in schools, the evil power of their guns will convince them to eventually shoot a child?
Let’s just stop pretending that our personal safety is primarily the responsibility of the government.
So are people freaking out about the NRA expecting the armed guards things to poll poorly?
Let’s just pass some useless gun control law and not talk about this again until the next school shooting.
Liberty is really freaking scary. Why’d we even try making a country around it in the first place?
I’m mainly a libertarian except when I’m not.
I don’t have the numbers on this, but I assume your kid is still much more likely to die in a car accident than a school shooting.
While we’re doing stuff about guns, is there anything we can do about how loud they are?
The Mayans correctly predicted there was going to be a December 21st, 2012.
They talk about “compassionate conservatism”, but doesn’t fact we have lots of guns and don’t wipe out liberals prove we’re compassionate?
Can’t we just do the common sense thing of curling into fetal positions and pretending guns don’t exist?
If you take my gun I’ll shoot you with my other gun.
I have a great line for the Republicans to use against Obama: “He’s trying to turn our capitalism into a lower case-ism.”
If you will never shop at a grocery store unless you can use a canvas bag for your groceries, then you’re sack-religious.
I thought gingerbread was the stale bread you feed the ginger stepchild you keep locked in the attic.
I’m for gun rights, but no one needs assault rifles. I’m for freedom of speech, but no one needs YouTube commenters.
It’s a mark of our nation’s civility that people have no fear of constantly pestering and insulting those with lots of guns.
The solution to more liberty is less liberty.
If Idaho wants a new Senator to replace Crapo, just a reminder that I live there, am over 30, and know how to vote yes and no on stuff.
U.S. Senator sounds like the cushiest job in existence. You could literally train a dog to do it and it pays a couple 100 grand.
BTW, it’s pronounced CRAY-Po. I bet a few of you are getting that wrong.
As Senator, I just want to be honest about how corrupt and influenced by special interests I’ll probably be.
Anyway, just want to be on the radar if our governor Butch Otter (yeah, that’s his actual name) is looking for someone.
The reason gun confiscation wouldn’t work is that the people they’d be trying to take guns from have guns.
Why doesn’t Netflix streaming just have a Christmas movie section?
The Netflix site is horrible for trying to browse for things you might actually want to watch. They really need to work on that.
I don’t know if patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel anymore, but the first one is definitely claims of racism.
Hillary Clinton is mutating.
We’re over the cliff and we’re flying! FLYING! Flying downwards! Bwahahaha!
“Federal government self-destruct initiated. You have one week to enter in override code.”
So which of the deals will make us magically afford everything?
House GOP unable to vote on bill as they’ve all been admitted to the hospital for concussion blood clots.
For any of these plans to help with the deficit, it’s not the GOP they need to compromise but reality.
Loaded for Bear RINO
So, Congress has up and passes Obama’s plan. The one where they’ll raise taxes on 77% of Americans.
How did your Congressman vote? Find out here.
Mine voted “no.” Good Congressman.
What about those that voted “yes?” Well, I’m thinking next election, a RINO hunt may be in order.
Since Piers Morgan Likes to See Things Amended
[High Praise! to Laughing Conservative]
Piers Morgan has recently suggested the Bible needs to be amended to allow for gay marriage. LC responds:
Laughing Conservative is proposing an amendment to the appearance of Lord Smugly of Conceit, a.k.a. Piers Morgan, who thinks it’s OK, while one is a guest in another country, to be thoroughly rude to one’s hosts. Our proposed amendment to the loathsome windbag’s appearance is simple: it would involve a nightclub bouncer, a fist and simpering Smugly’s nose.