Who’s Hugging the President?

[High Praise! to I’m a Man! I’m 41!]

I didn’t notice the hand behind Obama’s head until it was pointed out to me, but it really makes me wonder who would casually toss their arm up on the back of Obama’s car seat like that?

Since he’s not actually touching Barack, I assume it’s a first date.

If You Looked It Up in the Dictionary, Obama’s Picture Would Be There

[High Praise! to Laughing Conservative]

Obama’s supporters will look at the first four letters of the word, assume it comes from the same root as the word “perfect”, then stop reading, smugly convinced they’re right.

You’ve Been Judged!

Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “Obama brought a souvenir back from his Hawaiian vacation…

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, he’s got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

I Don’t Think They Realize Why They’re Cheering

At a recent speech, President Obama’s audience cheered when he mentioned tax hikes on the rich.

Isn’t that like cheering a house fire because you think it’ll lower your heating bills?

Maybe I Shouldn’t Give Them Any Ideas

[High Praise! to Freedom Is Just Another Word]

Link of the Day: It’s Time We Had a Serious Discussion About Assault Vehicles

[High Praise! to The People’s Cube]

It’s Time We Had a Serious Discussion About Assault Vehicles

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Wisdom of the Day: Angel Names Trillion Title

Why the Government Is Dumping GM Stock

The Treasury Department announced they’ll finally sell off the rest of the GM stock owned by the government.

Must’ve found a company in even worse shape to invest our money in.

Video Games: 9 Hours, 9 Persons, 9 Doors

I played a pretty neat game over Christmas vacation for the Nintendo DS: 9 Hours, 9 Persons, 9 Doors. All I knew about it before playing was that IGN gave it a glowing review and it was sold out on Amazon for a while after (it eventually had a second printing). It’s actually more of a visual novel than a game, though. By far, you’ll spend most of the game reading (backed by pictures and sound effects). That sounds pretty boring, but the mystery of the story was very engaging (9 people locked in a ship and given 9 hours to find the way out). The actual game parts are escape from the room puzzles. None were that hard (I never felt supersmart solving any of them), but again it was really the story that kept me glued to it. And you have to play the game through multiple times to see all the story, making different choices each time (most of them leading to disastrous consequences). There are six ending total, and you’ve only really experienced the whole game when you’ve seen them all.

Oh, and special props need to go to the localization team as the game is mainly text and made in Japan, and yet it didn’t feel like a translated effort at all.

Anyway, it was a pretty unique experience, and there is a sequel “>a sequel out for the 3DS (and Playstation Vita) which is said to be even better as its voiced (if you’re too lazy to read all the text) and makes the multiple play throughs easier (when playing 999 again, it lets you fast forward through text you’ve already seen — stopping when you got to new stuff — but that still took a long time and you sometimes had to replay puzzles you’ve already done). I’ll definitely pick the sequel up later, but after getting tons of games on sale on Steam, paying $40 for one game just seems like a lot.

BTW, one thing I noticed is that I would have thought the nine people in the game were American, but all the actual names you find out for the characters are Japanese. That seems to be true with a lot of Japanese games (and anime) that Japanese people in them never seem to look Japanese. Am I racist for noticing that, or are the Japanese racist for doing that? I dunno.

Liberal New Year’s Resolutions

[High Praise! to The Looking Spoon]

Bullies

Ben Shapiro has a new book out, Bullies: How the Left’s Culture of Fear and Intimidation Silences Americans. It is interesting how the left act so intellectually superior, but the way they try to get people to accept their ideas is through pure bullying tactics. They barely ever try to make an intellectual argument because to do that well they have to understand why people might disagree with them — and that they never want to do. They feel so good about their ideas that they just can’t accept the fact anyone would have real reason to oppose them. Thus the screams of racism and sometimes actual violence to silence anyone who disagrees.

Now, some people may say my advocacy of hippie punching is the same thing, but it isn’t. It’s not about silencing dissent, it’s that stupid hippies have faces made for punching and it’s a natural order to things. We still have to intellectually engage the bankrupt ideas of the left, but we also have to react to the need to faces that desperately cry out for a fist. It’s an act of love: Love of punching.

Understand?

Straight Line of the Day: Asked Why Middle Class Taxes Went Up, Obama…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Asked why middle class taxes went up, Obama…

Hagel and Tantrums

And what’s with his weird, sad eyes? He looks so sad I want to punch him.

I don’t like Hagel. Never have (in fact, here’s an early In My World where I had Rumsfeld push him repeatedly down stairs). He just seems to go out of his way to be disliked by Republicans — and only using being a Republican to help with that. The media eats that up. “Here’s a prominent Republican critical of absolutely everything about Republicans!”

Despite Hagel technically being a Republican, this pick really seems like Obama just sticking his thumb in the eye of his opponents. You’d think that since Obama won reelection he’d be less likely to throw childish tantrums, but I think he knows his best days are already behind him. He’s never going to be as popular again as when he first took office, and he’s not going to have a huge Democrat majority again like he did back then. So tantrums. That’s what we have to look forward to for four years.

So what do we do for four years? I guess we just try to ride this out, work on the culture and getting people to accept conservative ideals about the size and role of government again. Stock up on ammo and buy AR-15s before they possibly get banned. And we still need to look forward to a bright future — it’s just at minimum a lot further in the future than we’d like.

And in 2016: The Frank J. candidacy. And the return of American awesomeness.

Frank J. 2016: A bright future for all… except for the left among whom there will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Random Thoughts: Hagel, Hydrox, and Trillions

So how much will taxes have to be raised on the middle class if we want to close up the deficit without spending cuts?

When the government mandates everyone buy something, that lowers its price in bizarro world.

Maybe to appease people we should make even semi-er auto guns that fire one bullets every two trigger pulls.

If Obama wants to show bipartisan spirit, he and Mitch McConnell can take turns punching Hagel.

I don’t like Hagel’s weird sad eyes.

Buttercup has mastered the prefect inflection on “Daddy, will you play with me?” so I feel like Hitler when I have to leave for work.

Who is Elizabeth Wurtzel? Does she make pretzels? Because “Wurtzel’s Pretzels” sounds like it would be a good brand.

The main reason I like guns is that I’m just way too lazy to run up to things to put holes in them.

Who thought “Hyrdrox” was a good name for a cookie? It sounds like something you’d keep under the sink and make sure kids don’t drink.

If Obama minted the trillion dollar coin, is there anyone in his cabinet you’d trust not to run off with it?

BREAKING: Trillion dollar coin minted.
BREAKING: Trillion dollar coin and Timothy Geithner have disappeared.

From all these scowling pictures of John Brennan, he at least looks like someone who should run the CIA. Pretty easy to imagine him shouting at CIA agents who don’t play by the rules.

Nic Cage lives in constant fear that Judge Doom will come after him with The Dip.

I try not to care who follows me on Twitter anymore, but for those of you still not, what’s up with you? You think you’re better than me?

If you put a trillion dollar coin into a soda vending machine, you now own all soda manufacturers.

There has been a huge increase in people pooping their pants during the Obama administration.

I’m starting to see some nerd backlash to Big Bang Theory. What a bunch of nerds.

Since Hagel served in Vietnam, shouldn’t we worry about his unstable rage like we did with McCain?

Your taxes didn’t go up, they’re just going back to what they were three years ago. Don’t you remember how much you liked your taxes then?

Instead of a helmet…

As a gag gift — I think it was a gag gift — Hillary Clinton received a football helmet when she returned to her job at the State Department.

She also got a football jersey, but the helmet, I suppose, represented the fact that she fell and hit her head recently. With that helmet protecting her, at least she’ll stay conscious long enough to testify, I suppose.

Anyway, my first thought was of the character that Mike Meyers used to play on Saturday Night Live, Philip, the hyperactive, hypoglycemic kid (“I’m hyper hypo!”), who wore a helmet and a harness.

A helmet might not be a bad idea for members of the Obama administration. Of course, I’m thinking a leash might be better for the whole lot of them.

And a muzzle.