If You Think This Is Funny, You’re a Racist

[High Praise! to American Digest]


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #330,051)

If his laundromat’s in “Chicago“, he’s even more screwed.

This Is Only for Gifts to People You REALLY Love

[High Praise! to Think Geek]

Bacon wrapping paper!

If you want to make a food product even more desirable, there is one thing you can do. You can wrap it in bacon. Shrimp, pork, human – everything tastes better when wrapped in bacon. So, why not apply this principle to gifts you bestow? Now you can, with Bacon Wrapping Paper.

Wrapping presents in Bacon Wrapping Paper isn’t just fun for you. It will let the giftee know how much you really care about them. Think of that, then, as you send your off your package waving. Snail mail gifts are still the bestest, and even better when wrapped in Bacon Wrapping Paper. Save the real bacon for yourself!

A Well-Thought-Out Gun Law

New York state’s restrictive new gun law neglected to exempt police officers.

I guess that’s a problem, since the criminals have already exempted themselves.

Rosa Parks Didn’t “Need” to Sit in the Front of the Bus

[High Praise! to Ace of Spades HQ]

Our basic civil rights pre-date the constitution and are not dependent on what anyone, majority or vocal minority, deems a necessity.

By this standard, no one needs to be, say, a Wiccan when we have all these other religions to choose from, so the religion should be banned.

No one needs to burn a flag or display an image of crucifix in a jar of urine, so these should be banned.

You can still eat lunch at a segregated lunch counter. You can still drink water from a segregated water fountain. You can still learn at a segregated school. No problem with these – unban them.

And on, and on, and on.

Link of the Day: Satire – Obama’s Declaration of Dependence

[High Praise! to Nuking Politics]

Declaration of Dependence

Just as America wrote a document declaring why the rule of King George III should no longer apply to them, Obama will write a document declaring why no opposition party should interfere with his right to rule America.

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Wisdom of the Day: Media Jar Birdie Phantom Exhausting

Bob Schieffer’s All-Out War on Guns

On CBS, Bob Schieffer compared “taking on the gun lobby” to “defeating the Nazis”.

Wait… did he just invite Russia to roll tanks against the NRA?

Mike Z. Williamson Is Awesome

Know who is awesome? Author Mike Z. Williamson. You should really go and buy all his books (many finally available on Kindle). Most of his novels for Baen Books take place in his own Freehold universe about a libertarian space colony and its conflicts with the old governments of Earth, including his most recent, When Diplomacy Fails, which is the third book in the awesome, fast-paced series following Ripple Creek Security. My favorite of his books, though, is Contact with Chaos about man’s first encounter with an alien species. This had the most hard science of his books and was really fascinating; I hope he does a sequel to it.

Anyway, Mike Z. Williamson is cool and awesome and a great guy and is a veteran and has a ‘Z’ as a middle inital and has a mustache and everyone should buy and read his books.

Do it now!

How Liberals Imagine Gun Control Laws Work

[High Praise! to Freedom Is Just Another Word]

Star Wrek

This whole thing about the Star Terk director J.J. Abrams taking over Star Wars keeps making me want to make an amalgamation of the two series’ names, but then all you get is either Star Trek or Star Wars (or maybe Star Wrek — actually, that’s pretty good; I’m now making that the title of this post — just give me a sec… okay, now I’m back).

Anyway, this just seems so wrong. Star Trek and Star Wars are too separate things — in fact, nerds have written many theses explaining the differences of the two series — so it’s just seems so wrong for one person to be running both. They just should not have the same feel at all — nothing the same. Though Ace makes a good point:

I mean, the Abrams Star Trek was a fun film, but it’s wasn’t Star Trek. It was the Star Trek characters in an action film of lens flares and explosions and nonsense red matter. But I’m fine with that. I just don’t want that also for Star Wars. I want something new and exciting — not a slightly different flavor of something we already got.

So I’m against this. And really, one guy controlling both of the biggest nerd franchises seems like something the government needs to get in there and break up. That’s too much power over pasty, overweight guys who have never touched a woman.

Hurm… though if Star Wars was controlled by J.J. Abrams from the beginning, we would never have gotten that stupid midi-chlorians explanation for the Force. Though we also never would have found out what the Force does at all.

Straight Line of the Day: Now That The Military Will Allow Women in Combat Roles…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Now that the military will allow women in combat roles…

California: Peeing on the Electric Fence

So because living in California wasn’t awful and expensive enough, power costs are about to go up 33% there because of their energy policies. The thing with California is that so many people are suffering there because of its high cost, high taxes, and high unemployment, so the challenge is to not laugh. I mean, people are really miserable, but at the same time they kept voting for this and the schadenfreude is so hard to resist. It’s like you tell someone over and over, “Don’t pee on that electric fence. It’s a bad idea.” But the guy is like, “Nah. It’ll be fun.” And then pees on it and screams, “Aieee! I shocked my wang!” And he’s in real pain — pure agony. But how can you not laugh? That’s California.

Well, no more electric fences in California; too expensive to keep on.

I remember back in 2000 going to job fairs while in college looking for a tech job, and they’d ask me, “What regions are you interested in living in?” And I’d say, “Anywhere in the U.S. but California.” The secret to success is to get wise young.

Random Thoughts: Star Trek + Star Wars

You can’t have the Star Trek guy doing the Star Wars movie. That’s just… I can’t explain why but it is very wrong.

One person can’t run both Star Trek and Star Wars franchises. The government needs to come in break up that nerd monopoly.

So the eternal question: a star destroyer versus the Enterprise – who wins?

Buttercup and her green “kitty” she loves.

Get locked up for unlocking your phone

Image: Herald-Dispatch

This is a long story. Let me get to the part you might care about so you can read it and go on about your business.

The Librarian of Congress has decreed that unauthorized unlocking of a mobile phone is a criminal offense. Not jailbreaking, mind you; that’s still legal. But unlocking the phone to use on another carrier.

It’s no longer an issue between you and your carrier. It’s now a federal offense. That’s authorized because of the part of the Constitution where the Founding Fathers were concerned about AT&T losing your business to Walmart. I’m sure it’s in there. Just ask any liberal.

Anyway, this could have impacted me late last year. And that’s the long story I’m gonna tell you. If you stick around for it.
Continue reading ‘Get locked up for unlocking your phone’ »

The Apocalypse Won’t Be As Bad As You Think

According to Hoyt [High Praise!] has a (relatively) optimistic outlook on post-government-collapse America:

When the dust settles, then we’ll see what functions of government we can’t do without. I’m betting very few. Mutual defense. Territorial integrity. Keeping the peace between the States.

For the rest we’ll have to go back to learning that individual humans are not some sort of monsters, needing a boot on their necks to behave like decent beings.